Edna, Mistress Of The Cattlefield

Apologies To Nigel Hamilton
 - author of "Monty, Master of the Battlefield".  I realise few to none of you will be aware of this work, still less have read it, but I want my conscience to be clear.
     If you recall yesterday, Conrad took his small sulky child in a fur coat to the park, there to run free across the meadows, except since the meadows were already occupied by a herd of heifers, that part didn't take place.
     Not so today!  We retraced our steps and found an empty field.  Art?

     I say "empty", apart from the faecal evidence that cows deposit freely everywhere.  This meant I had to trail after Edna to ensure that in regard to cow-pats she neither 1)  ate any or 2) rolled in them.  She has been known to gleefully perform the second operation on grass where there is pre-laid dog poop already, the stinky rascal.  
     As for the first part - well, she's better now, but on Saturday she had adopted the Leg Nest Position - Art, a clarifying picture, please -

     - which meant your humble scribe could feel her shivering or quivering, which didn't seem particularly good news.
     Fortunately the quivering/shivering stopped.  Unfortunately this was when she was sick all over the cushion, and from the contents - you may skip this if you are eating your tea or feel squeamish at all - I guessed she had been dining on the detritus in the cat's litter tray.
     So, no food for her that night.  Next day, as recommended by various veterinary websites, I gave her boiled rice and grilled chicken to eat, which she seemed to enjoy even more than regular dog food.  Who knew!  I have also ensured she doesn't get a free run at that litter tray again.
     Because I KNOW Wonder Wifey will read this with a look of horror on her face, Edna's been fine all yesterday and today and here she is in perfect pitch -

Full of pep.  Also chicken and rice.

     There you go for the Intro.

Some Things Remain Constant
The charge of an electron, water being wet, and Conrad being over-fond of cyborgs and weasels. 

     This from 2009, long before BOOJUM! was an international success story, which perhaps says more about me than I realise.

Bake Off
Apologies for being so slow with these updates and hilarious commentaries, as there is always something else to pontificate about.  I've still not gone into any detail about the atomic-powered aircraft yet, either, as an example.
     The plus side to being this late to the game is that, being 10 days past it's Sell By Date, any warnings about the Spoilery nature of what follows can be completely IGNORED!  Hahar!
     So here we look back at the 28th September broadcast with 7 bakers remaining, and "Botanical" the theme.  That's plants to you.

NO!  Art, really - 

     Signature:  this had to be a Citrus Meringue, so - lemon, orange, grapefruit - er, kumquat, anyone?  Anything that grows, goes.  Note that everyone bakes their pastry cases blind; however, not everyone bakes their meringue in the oven, instead some use that hideous modern innovation, the blowtorch <long, long screed about history, tradition, standing on the shoulders of giants and electric food processors redacted by Mister Hand>.

Baked not FLAMETHROWERED!

  Benjamina does very very well, Selasi's is too stiff, Andrew has too much pastry, Rav's is just poor, Tom's is too sweet, Jane's looks good and Candice's looks bad but tastes good.
     Technical: Ah yes the evil bit.  Even worse, bread, and herby French bread at that: a fougasse.  The design alone is tricky, especially for your humble scribe, who had never heard of a fougasse before, apart from a Flame Fougasse, which was a petrol-based ambush weapon of the Second Unpleasantness and nothing to do with baking.

Well, being tasteless, it might bake some unfortunate who got in the way ... 

     Tom, bless him, comes first.  Benjamina also does well, but for the rest - Oh Dear just about sums up the judgement.

The edible version

     Showstopper: A 3-tiered floral cake to be done in 4 hours.  Candice, ever over-ambitious, goes for 4 tiers, 3 of which are good.  Selasi's is also good but the best comes from Tom, who really upped his game for this round; Emily and I had been convinced he'd be going home but instead he got Star Baker!

Well done that local lad

     And Rav did rubbish so he got sent home.

Thank You, Facebook, THANK YOU!
As I may have hinted once or twice, your modest artisan is going sober for most of October.  Up until 6 p.m. on Saturday 29th October, actually.  Thus he really does not need adverts rubbing in ideas or concepts about drinks containing alcohol.  Art?

Is there a beer for "Abstemption"?

Finally -
An utterly zonked Edna fast asleep in her bed, next to Conrad at the computer.

     From last night, before you ask.