MARS!

And We Have Another Theme
I know, I know, it's like buses, nothing then four at once.  Of course, if you were keeping count, then you know this is only the second theme, but I've got enough material to make another two.  Just so you know*.
     Why Mars?  Well, let's face it, the Moon simply won't cut it any more.  Been there, done that x 12.  Old hat.  Did I mention boring**?  Yeah, the Moon used to be unattainable, until 11th July 1969, when she kind of lost her maiden status.
     So, what's next?  A target much further away.  Where on earth could -
     Mars!  Yes.  The theme of the moment.  
     Thing is, Mars has been at the forefront of our collective imagination for at least 120 years, ever since Hubert George and "War of the Worlds". Without realising, Conrad finds that he's chosen a  theme that can go the distance.  Not 48 x 106 kilometres, quite,  yet on the way.  Thus we focus firstly on "Mars in Film"  which will also include stretching to television, because whose blog is it?  Also, when I say "Film" I'm not talking about poverty row cardboard tat made for $6.78 in a studio converted from an industrial meat-locker.

"Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons"
Here we see the trigger for the "War of Nerves" between the Mysteron base on Mars and Earth.  This is the Martian Exploration Vehicle, that comes equipped as standard with a great big cannon -

After all, you never know who you might bump into -

     - and included amongst the crew is Captain Black of SPECTRUM, their man on Mars.  Unfortunately he decides in a rash decision to blow the bejeezus out of the Martian Complex because he misinterprets this -

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     - as a gun being directed at the MEV..  Well, what do you expect from a paramilitary officer with a military background?  I think an areologist would have been a safer bet, but what do I know?

"Greetings from Earth!"

"The Martian"
Conrad may go and see this after work next week, as it has been getting consistently good reviews from the press and colleagues.  Matt Damon stars as an astro-botanist stranded on Mars until a rescue mission can retrieve him, a process that's going to take months and months.  Until they arrive he's going to have to rely on his wits and knowledge to survive.

Matt, dreaming of Deja Thoris, mayhap

     Nice to see MD reclaiming the heroic mantle after being a snivelling bokebag in "Interstellar".  Also, Ridley Scott is a consistently good director.  He made "The Duellists", you know.  Plus, it has Michael Pena, which is another underline in the "Good" notebook.

"My Favourite Martian"
The title is a bit of a misnomer - there is only ever one Martian.  This was an American sitcom from the Sixties about "Uncle Martin" - how witty is that? - who is a Martian anthropologist stranded on Earth when his spaceship crashes.  He is picked up and sheltered by The Incredible Hulk Tim O'Hara (Bill Bixby)until he can fix his spaceship.

Uncle Martin.  Blending right in.

     Naturally, he has awesome superpowers, such as the retractable antennae shown above, as well as telepathy, invisibility, the ability to speak to animals, accelerated speed and being able to eat a whole MacDonalds menu in thirty minutes.  The first series was remarkably well-liked but interest declined after that.  

Tim, Uncle Martin and his very, very small spaceship

"The Last Days On Mars"
Zombies on Mars!  Actually I haven't seen the whole thing yet, but there are zombies in the part I have seen.  I know this is a bit superficial, and I should probably watch the whole thing before commenting, but - once again! - whose blog is it?

"For the last time! I am not a zombie - I merely have a bad skin condition."

     I suppose the zombies have to arrive during the last days on Mars.  If they'd arrived earlier it would be a rather short fil.

"Marvin The Martian"

Evil.  You can tell because he's wearing a broom for decoration

NO! This is not light relief!  In fact, !!! Marvin is the personification of EVIL! In fact, EVIL.
     He intends to blow up Earth for trivial astronomical observational purposes, whereas if he just waits a couple of hours Venus will be un-obscured once more.  Marvin the MONSTER!

"John Carter Of Mars"
I enjoyed this but the rest of you didn't, or not enough.  It cost $263 million and made back $283 million, which profit would have been eaten up by promotion and distribution.  Still, it garners a healthy 6.6 over at IMDB, so those of us who enjoyed it are vindicated.
A bit of a pictorial potboiler, to be honest: Western, Victorian melodrama, sword and sandals, sci-fi.  It fell between stools rather and is judged a bit of a failure. So - no sequels <sad face>

John, domesticating a couple of Martian pets

"Invaders From Mars" -Original (1953)  And Remake (1986)
The first of these has a rather dreamlike quality to it, obviously done on a low budget yet with imagination and ability.  The get-out clause for the director is that the whole film is seen from the perspective of a young boy, who sees a flying saucer land in the sandpit behind his yard -

Like something out of Hansel and Gretel -

     There are caverns down there, where he meets the pea-green golfball-eyed alien cannon fodder.

With a jazz trumpet to boot

     Who cannot resist carrying off our curvaceous human women -

A common weakness amongst aliens, I understand

     The 1986 version is on a bigger budget but is also a completely different beast (literally):

     It lacks the charm of the earlier one, really.  

"Mission To Mars"
Well now, this film was not liked by the Bad Astronomer, who picked upon it for having silly plot elements and technical details. He did admit some scenes had carrying power, just not enough to float the whole film.  

Strapped for cash, NASA makes-do without a spacecraft

Conrad remembers it begins daftly, with a whole bunch of astronauts standing perfectly still whilst a horizontal Martian tornado comes a-hunting them.  Together they have more degrees than a compass - and they haven't the smarts to get under cover.  Bah!
     Actually one of them survives, which is the reason for a Mission to the Red Planet in the first place.  Operating solo, he has to rely on his wits and knowledge to survive - hey, that sounds familiar ...

"Greetings from Earth!"
"Shh - and don't blow anything up!"

There you are, gentle reader, "MARS!" Part one.


* I'm not sure if this is a threat or a promise.  Make of it what you will.
** Please.  There is a lunar atmosphere, but it's vanishingly thin.