Consider This - REM

NO! Of Course I Don't Mean The Band!
Do keep up.  What I refer to is "Rapid Eye Movement", a state encountered in sleeping humans*, where their most vivid dreams occur.
     I mention this in passing as this is about the only state in which Conrad's mind is not actively thinking about what to write next, what plot points need to be elaborated on, what dreadful puns he can inflict, if there are any viable passing bus posters, where the indexing of that Official History has gotten to, what to bake for Friday, is that cheese mouldy or Danish Blue? and a hundred other things besides.

Conrad, thinking dark thoughts

     Strictly speaking, even sleep fails to turn the mental engine off, as the village of Eden Underwood's name came out of a dream.  Thanks, dream!  Then there was the story about a particular Portuguese fishing village where all the tourists had to be far away by a particular morning, or they risked seeing what the villagers really looked like ...
     Anyway, I stray from the narrative path.  Here I am, about to throw down some word-power**, a whole list of scrivel accumulated over the weekend and today.  Then there are more themed posts - another on "Mars In Music", another on "Mars In General" and another on the theme of "X", since I seem to be going through the alphabet backwards.  After that I've decided to plot out more of "Something Misbegotten in the Estate of Gen. Marek", which now stands at over 50 thousand words.  

Conrad, expressing artistic thoughts

    What I suppose I mean is that I could continue like this indefinitely.  You know those people who go into a decline and die once they stop work, as their will to live has evapourated?  Sorry but that's not Conrad.  Good news?  Bad news?  Only you can decide!

Conrad, laughing at his own joke.

"Hamamelis Virginiana"
The Greeks didn't have superheroes the way we do - oh alright they did, just with a different job description - live on Mount Olympus, eat ambrosia, meddle in the affairs of humans.  Some might have even run to a cape.

 - or a neatly-turned moustache

     Well, if one of these heroes had the manners and morals of Steve Rogers - Captain America to you - he might well have exclaimed the phrase above, in lieu of anything more racy and vulgar.
     Might he not?
     Sadly, no.  Not remotely.  This is the Latin name for "Witch hazel"***, and an extract dissolved in alcohol is used as an astringent with anti-inflammatory qualities.
     Yes, yes, I've been looking at the back of that bottle of balm again.

Too many words!  More pictures!

You What?
Ah, dearie me, the Foobs have blown what little credibility they raised with such painful efforts.  Take a look at this:

Not just FAIL but EPIC FAIL

     Not only is Conrad not interested in either football team, he has never placed a bet in his life as his Scottish genes prevent him from crossing the threshold of a bookies.
     "BetVictor"?  I'd like to Bat Victor, a cricket one preferably as they are stout and durable and able to deliver a right rollicking.

"Aunt's Aren't Gentlemen" By P.G. Wodehouse
<excuse me the teapot calls> okay, back again.  
     One way that Plum is akin to the mighty Thomas Pynchon is in his introduction of new words to Conrad, who is a fearful lexicographical pedant at the best of times, all the more so on the bus into work thanks to the dual roadworks inflicted by Hermes no doubt -
     - but I diverge.  One word that has cropped up frequently is "mulcted", in context meaning to do with money, and not to be confused with "mulched", which Conrad understands is to do with gardens and - and there his knowledge runs out.
     So.  Mulcted.  It means "to take money by fines" and obviously - obviously! - it's derived from Latin.  "Mulcta", meaning "A fine", which became "Mulctare" and thus to "Mulct".

No, it's not a lawyer.  Close enough

Further Thoughts On The Importance Of Being Butterfly-ish
OR
Backboneless Bertie
Yes, I'm afraid I'm going to have to bore you with more about Bertie Wooster, and how SIT BACK DOWN!  STAY THERE!
     In the interests of mercy I shall be brief^.
     If you have read any of the Jeeves literature, and if not there is no saving you, then you will realise that Bertie is endlessly ending up in the soup.  Romance, intrigues, secret liaisons, burglaries, thefts, falling in love every second chapter - as I say, in the soup.
     How does he get there so often?  Because he is a social gadabout with no backbone, easily swayed, persuaded, flattered or threatened into acting as general scapegrace-about-town.

"Conrad!  You say the nicest things!"

     Yet!  Do not think so harshly of the hapless booby, for were Conrad^^ to replace him in the novels, they would become short stories, and the short stories become sentences.
     For example:

     VANESSA COOK: Bertie Conrad, I will be your wife.
     CONRAD: No you bloody bally well won't!  Get out of here before I fetch my shotgun!

     Then there's the cat that keeps dogging ^^^Bertie's footsteps.  Once again, if -

Cat, Cook and Booby

     COOK SENIOR:  Look Wooster Conrad, I know you're trying to steal my cat -
     CONRAD:  Oh, no, not at all.  Not steal it.
     COOK SENIOR: Eh?  What's that?  What do you mean?
     CONRAD: I caught it in my kitchen, feeding on my smoked salmon.
     COOK SENIOR: You what!  You purloined my cat and held it in the kitchen!  What - what have you done with it?
     CONRAD: Fed it to the dog.

     As you can see, Conrad lacks the sympathetic mien of Bertie.  Jeeves probably wouldn't stay with him very long, and the Drones club would blackball him, and Anna would undoubtedly set the RSPCA about his ears.

"I say Jeeves - they've arrested Conrad!  "Cruelty to animals" or somesuch."

NANOWRIMO
Yes by Ares, you bunch of fairies!
     The post title refers to "National Novel Writing Month", and it's a competition that runs from November 1st to the 30th.

     The challenge is to come up with an original novel of 50,000 words or more, which you write and post on the website, seeking to get in there before the deadline.
     As you surely know by now, Conrad is a compulsive writer, and I've four novel-length works that I could put up already - except I won't.  I've therefore got to come up with an original idea, plot it out, add characters, do a synopsis and then write it.
     To today's youths with their mobiling phones and taglets and eye-pads, this might seen Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
     Not for Conrad!



* And me.
** Is this street enough?
*** Witch Hazel?  The one who works for Payroll of course!
^ Of course, I could be lying.
^^ Hard-bitten, hard-biting, hard-headed, hard-hearted.  Made of granite, apparently.
^^^ Do you see what I - O you do.