X To Excess

Another Theme - X
Yes, it's good Mister, Eastwood!  I didn't really intend to create a theme like this, working backwards from Z, it's just how it happened.  Thank The Mind Of Conrad, a thing that not even he can explain fully*, not that it worries him unduly, either of him.
     Anyway, it's already quarter to seven, and Doctor Who is on at eight fifteen, so let's not hang about wittering, eh?

Xerxes
Pronounced "Zerk-sees" if you must know, and yes, like many a word beginning with "X" it's pronounced with a "Zed".  Don't blame me, I didn't invent alphabets.
     So, good old Zerk.  He was a Persian emperor of the 5th Century, his name meaning "Ruler over heroes" so you have to give the Persian language props for conciseness.  If all you know of him is that disgraceful caricature from "300",

Persian emperors: big on Big Hair

 please go and either Wiki or Goo-fu about him.  The Persian empire was rather less demoniacal than either Hollywood or Frank Miller would have us believe; if you paid your taxes and did National Service, then the rule of Zerk and his court was not particularly harsh.
     If you want a much, much fuller picture, then go read Herodotus.  


X: The Unknown
A fillum, if you didn't know already.  Let us look at the garish and schlocky poster:

"Can anything escape it's terror?"
Well, yes, actually.

     The film itself is rather more subtle than this implies.  Also, how can you not love a film where the leads are Dean Jagger -

Distinguished Yank

     Edward Chapman - 

Honest Yorkshireman

     and Leo McKern -

One of those is a glass eye ...

     These fellers are in there because they can ACT!  Not that they needed worry about being upstaged by the villain, as this is a giant mass of radioactive mud.  It boils out of the earth and stalks the Scottish lowlands, broiling innocent folks into haggis courtesy of it's gamma-ray halitosis.  Genuinely worth watching, especially for a very young Fraser Hines playing a very young boy.

XL-5, Fireball
I know, I know, I'm stretching a little here, especially as Colonel Steve Zodiak was in the "Z" themed post.  Indulge me, after all, whose blog is it?
     Fireball didn't take off in the manner of a conventional rocket, vertically, nor yet in the manner of a jet, horizontally.  Instead it used a giant launch-rail, which it rode via a jet-sled:

This sled - ain't full of lead!

     When doing a VTL it came in rather boringly and landed on a ventral jet.  In a manner that suggests the later, bigger and more complex Zero-X, the forward portion of Fireball was detachable as a complete miniature spaceship capable of landing on a planetary surface.

Something rare - Fireball Junior reversing into a docking manouevre.
Oh, and some story about time travelling back into the past ...

    And once it got there, the crew didn't need to even muddy their boots -

Rocket scooters!
Why don't we have these NOW?

XX
No, do not get your uncouth and perverse hopes up, this is nothing to do with the film rating that generally relates to ladies not wearing a lot and doing - well, as BOOJUM! wishes to remain SFW we shall gloss over that bit.
     No, indeed, we are referring to the "Doublecross" system as operated by British Military Intelligence during the Second Unpleasantness.  It was also known as "Twentyman", since "X" is also the Roman numeral for "10".  I'm sure that the Abwehr would have felt so much better if they'd known that.

Functional schematic of the Doublecross system at work

     Actually they wouldn't.  Under XX, every single German agent that arrived in the UK was captured, and then given a choice: 
     a)  remain loyal to your German paymasters, get tried, get found guilty, get hung.
     b)  work for us.
     Surprisingly, a few chose option a).  Most, however, valuing their neck in it's unstrung shape, went for b).  
     This is to shoehorn an awful lot of British mendaciousness** and subterfuge into one small paragraph.  Suffice it to say that the perception of German military intelligence being all ruthless efficiency and British military intelligence being all chinless idiots is 180 degrees out of true.

"Our - our - our spies - were all working for YOU?!"

The XX
I refer you to the first line of the post above.
     This lot came out with their debut album a few years ago, to the ravings of the music press at the time.  Listening to it again, it's hard to understand why.  Sparse production, lots of echo and reverb***, whispery vocals you can't make out properly, no outstanding tunes.  Their last album, of only two made since 2009, came out 3 years ago, so they might have gone toes up.
     
                                       Their log

X-Dreams
Don't blame me, I didn't come up with a punny title!
     This is an album by the rather gorgeous Annette Peacock, she whom was involved with synthesisers from the word go, and who has cheekbones so sharp that they can be shaved with:

I met her!

     Her output is almost as minimal as The XX, but given her looks Conrad can forgive her that.  Coming more from a jazz than rock background, she has an eclectic and original catalogue.  Did I mention her good looks? I know, I know, I'm dreadfully shallow but now you have a (possibly scary) insight into what Conrad thinks looks great.


* No, I shall not be mucking about with words beginning with "Ex". 
** Lying
*** Generally used as a production technique to enhance weak material

And For Today's Coincidence -

Honestly, If You Can't Trust Agatha Christie -
 - then who can you trust?
     Conrad, as befits an aging gentleman with limited social skills and budget, is fond of watching the televisual escapades of Hercule Poirot.  I am onto the Third series, which also has a few feature-length entries tacked onto the end, towards the end of the series and hence without Captain Hastings or Miss Lemon.  I've not been paying attention to the titles until now, and what is the episode I have just loaded up onto the laptop so I can both blog and watch simultaneously?
     "Halloween Party."

One of these people is a cannibal!
No.  Sorry.  A murderer.  I meant a murderer, not a cannibal.

     And what day is it today?  Precisely!
     As I've remarked, you can expect this sort of thing if you're reading Thomas Pynchon - but Honest Aggie?  Really, causality and temporality, you should be ashamed of yourselves!


A Word Of Warning
More a "Letter of warning", to be strictly accurate.  If you have been following the blog recently, you'll know that Conrad has got a few themed posts lined up, on the subject of "Mars".  This appears to have triggered a kind of intellectual cascade in his brain, wherein he's focussed upon letters of the alphabet and created a themed post based around them.  Being Conrad, and perverse to the very marrow, he has obviously - obviously! - started at Z and is working backwards.  We are now up to, or back to, the letter "X", which theme might very well appear on the blog later this day.
     I can see you're X-static about this*.

This man is an eXographer.  I think.

NANOWRIMO**
I know, I know, I keep banging on about this event.  That's because it's taking up so much of my waking hours.  What should I write about?  As already boasted about I have four -

     - what?  What's that?  "Screenplay for "Halloween Party" by Mark Gatiss"?  The League of Gentleman Mark Gatiss?  The dyed-in-the-wool Doctor Who fan Mark Gatiss?  Okay, that's Coincidence Number Two for today.

 - complete works that I could post up, which would be cheating, rather.  So I have to come up with a plot by tomorrow.  What will it be?  Dunno, except that it won't be a grim grey gritty domestic kitchen sink drama, unless there are werewolves and atom bombs in it.  Or weird honey made by mutant bees, or people writing with silver ink, and a crypt up on the moors that only opens once a year -  Hmmm ...

Step into my parlour, said - NO!
I meant, "Welcome to my humble abode."

First Bus And Change
Yes, everybody's favourite Public Service Vehicle operator, by which I mean that loathsome entity which accepts huge cash subsidies from the government*** and then burns them on bonfires provides a transport service^.  No, you are not considering "change" in the correct way.  First Bus expects that you, the passenger, will kindly bring the exact correct change in order to purchase your ticket or pass.  No excuses acceptable.  Because if you do NOT your face will be put up on a Rogue's Gallery of photographs taken by CCTV, to be distributed across the internet and to Interpol, MI6, the FBI and the  Suojelupoliisi^^.

There are 127 Finnish  Sujelpoliisi hiding in this picture

     The obvious riposte to this drivelling imbecility is to inform the drivers that, when First Bus can actually provide a service via their vehicles to the public, which is not late, slow, grossly overcrowded, broken-down, over-heated, under-lit and which actually finishes at the terminii so described on the bus front - then they can expect to get exact change.
     Which should be around the year 2065 A.D.

First Bus roll-out their new PSV, with free Wi-Fi!

     
"Code Black"
Another wrap-around advert decorating the Metro, with a description of this indecorous suture opera within.  My notes from Wednesday state: "Another bloody^^^ medical drama.  Will we ever see any variety in US drama?  Having just seen an amusing FB video for a playful weasel, not impossible."

That's Luiz Guzman.  I  bet they got him because they couldn't afford Michael Pena.

     Staples of US drama, which inevitably ooze across the Atlantic, appear to be the same old ones of cops, lawyers and doctors.  Where is the love for postal workers, public service vehicle drivers and sewage barge pilots?

Television Channels As Song Inspirations
I have floated the possibility of The Chemical Brothers, Simian Mobile Disco or Leftfield using these television channel programme titles as potential track names.  However, I am now appropriating them for my future group "Lift Rock For Idiots".  Here's the latest:  Tefal Activity Express XL.  Aha!  Yes, I know what you're thinking - we'll get round legal problems by reversing the trademark, so it becomes "Lafet Activity Express XL".
     BOOJUM! - plotting world dominance, either by military force or music, whichever way, it's coming!

TV Channels As Blood Pressure Risk
This is a phenomena I noticed last week - an increasing number of channels are including programmes or films to do with Christmas.  In October!
     CEASE AND DESIST!  STOP ACCELERATING TIME!  I NEED AS MUCH AS I CAN GET!
     Thank you.  That is all.

TV Channels are DULL.
Here's a dog pulling a funny face

* Sorry.
** National Novel Writing Month - 1st to 31st November
*** Bribes.
^ Legal advice
^^ Finnish Secret Service
^^^ See what I did?  "Bloody", blood, surgery - O you do.

It's Halloweek. You May Not Have Noticed.

And Yes, I Did Spell It "Halloweek" Deliberately
What, you think Cornad would come out with a silly spelling mistake as the title for today's post?  Pish!  Tush! Tupish! <Mister Hand intervenes with a bamboo skewer to move things along a little>
     , yes, quite, thanks for the pincushion interpretation.
     Anyway, I put "-week" as it's definitely no longer merely an "-een", which as any fule kno is an obsolete variant of "evening".  I believe that Halloween is now up there, just after Christmas and Valentine's Day, as a commercial money-spinner par excellence.  It also allows small children licence to roam the streets, extorting money and sweets out of a terrorised public.
     Well, that's quite enough about the positive aspects.  One of the downers is that people expect their Halloween Pumpkin Cake to be made with real pumpkin.  The nerve!

The article in question

     It was rather lost at work amongst some far more decorative pieces, especially Aaron's Stabbed Zombie Cake (grey on the inside).
     In context:

     Sophie's (not that Sophie, this Sophie) iced biscuits are right there in front of you.  Plus she made cupcakes.  I don't know where she gets the time; probably doesn't have a blog to do daily.

Working For A Nuclear Free City
If you have any short-term memory you'll remember Conrad banging on about a track by this group earlier in the week, and how happy he was that his normally defective memory successfully identified the track that had been looping around his mind for days.
     "Brown Owl".  Make the most of it, Conrad, as there won't be any more: WFANFC broke up last year.  As ever, I get to like a band and they die on their feet.

This is they, playing live

      How did they get their name?  Conrad cannot be certain but he remembers a billboard on Dale Street, featuring a dove and the legend "Working for a nuclear free city", placed there by Manchester City Council, a loooong time ago.
     Since this is bordering on politics I shan't go on, but it's rather the Other Feller's intent you have to worry about if you're trying to be Nuclear-Free, as even a small atom bomb can spoil your grand design.

Last Year's Model
Exactly so.  I found an old notebook from last year, which details my plotting and planning for the blog at that time.  I have to say, I'd hate to be my psychiatrist, as even I've got no idea what I was on about then.

Hopefully most of what's in that head will remain safely locked away.

     "Sex with a jigsaw puzzle" is one line.  What?  Who?  Is this SFW?  What the hell was I thinking?  Then there's a a brief biography of Freidrich "Fritz" Sternberg - German left-wing academic, scientist and politician.  Precisely.  TO WHAT END!  And then "Lorica Segmentata and Socks" - I think this is about the Romans in England, as I seem to remember that they wore socks to counter the dreadful English weather.
     Then there's a bit of description about a "Felucca", which is a variety of ship, and then - obviously! as one flows seamlessly into the other - the "Spitting Devils Cabbage".
     What triumphs over all this nonsense, however, is a "Where Eagles Dare" drinking game.  Since my time on the wagon ends tomorrow, I rather suspect Conrad will be playing this in the evening -

W.E.D.: Every time you hear "Damned" = Drink
W.E.D.: A Nazi clicks their heels = Drink
W.E.D.: A vehicle explodes for no reason = Drink
W.E.D.: A German is killed = Drink

That last one alone will have your humble scribe licking the paintwork by the sixty minute mark ...

"We - we - we lose the war?"

Rejoice! (Or Despair, It's Up To You)
As you may be aware, Conrad likes his music.  A lot.  Thankfully for most of humanity this fondness for rock, electronica and metal is counterbalanced by Absolutely Nil Musical Talent.
     I know, I know, this hasn't proven a problem for certain girly-looking male singers who can't play, sing or compose; Conrad, may I confess, is not as photogenic as these ex-models, and in fact will break 1 camera in 3 that tries to photograph his hideous granite maw.  So a career in music has not been viable.
     Until now.

It's fate - even John Lennon is looking fondly at me.

     Already I can feel a set of track-listings gestating as "Lift Rock For Idiots" moves from Purely Theoretical to Worryingly Possible.

As Seen In The Metro: "ALIPSTICKREVOLUTION"
This is simply asking for it!  Conrad, known hater of the Flyswatter Daily, and an artificial word that he can parse as he wishes.
     So.  This Ali P. has a Stick, has he?  And it's going to promote revolution?  Watch out because the Russians will start bombing you Ali*!

"This is a stick - a stick-em-up!"

Also As Seen In The Metro: "Pay The Ghost"
I'm sure you see the plot hole here already.  Ghosts, being nebulous phantasms of the afterlife, generally do not need specie, most especially as coins fall through their ectoplasmic pockets.  Notes, given their larger surface area and lower density, might not be quite so problematic.
     Regardless, let us indulge in a little critique:

It's Nick!  Good Old Nick!
Er - 

     "Evil walks among us", apparently.  If this is so, then Evil ought to get with the twenty-first century, oughtn't it, and adopt a more efficient mode of transport?  For cripes sake, Evil, how much territory are you going to cover if you walk?  Three miles an hour.  If you refuse to drive or take the bus***, at least get a Segway!


* I know, I know, this is trespassing onto both politics and current affairs**.
** So sue me.
*** If it was First Bus, it would be Evil-meet-Evil, which might clash a bit