Peaches, Pigs And Paramilitaries

Every Word True
Or is it?  You ought to know by now that BOOJUM! and Conrad are unreliable witnesses, scribes, recounters and prone to fabricate utter lies at the mere thought of a hat, let alone the drop of one.
     Actually it's nearly all true - I used the derogatory term "Pigs" to refer to our noble brethren in navy blue who swoop down to stop people who are either having too much fun, or breaking the law, depending on your perspective*.

Try arguing with this chap and see where it gets you

     Let's get moving, there's a lot to get through and I've not had my second pot of tea yet.

A Great Gaping Plot Hole
"Actually," interrupted Gandalf, "I have a much better idea.  I'll whistle up the eagle Gwaihir, he can fly Frodo and I over to Mount Doom, we drop the Ring in, job done, back home in time for tea and crumpets."
     I think this has been pointed out before, but it means a short film that finishes almost immediately after the Council meets at Elrond's.  A whole lot of build-up for a sub-decibel firecracker**.

" - but flying would be just dandy."

Conrad, Valued Customer
I got a restricted-circulation catalogue from Naval and Military with my book delivery on Friday.

Check the lettering lower right

     I've gotten one of these before, and discovered that the other buyers getting it had bought up almost everything on the site before I got there - I got a water-damaged book on the battle of Gravelotte, or maybe Saint Privat.  I've got quite a few of those on offer already, although it's galling to pay full price and then see them going for a fraction of that.

Dammit, I'm going to make that second pot of tea right now!

A Little Gerry Anderson Ergonomics
And today we focus our satirical gaze upon "Joe 90".
     You simply couldn't get away with this nowadays.  Why so?  Well, Joe McLaine is a nine-year old boy who gets overlaid brain impulses that mirror the skills and knowledge of adult experts, enabling him to carry out espionage and, incidentally, kill people.
     Oh, only as long as he's wearing special glasses mounting electrodes that allow him access to these skills.So that's alright then!

No, no, it's not a real rat trap ...

     You can imagine the scene in court:
     HIS HONOUR: So - you put this child, this nine-year old boy, into a rat trap?
     PROF. MCLAINE: It's not a real rat trap!  It's a spherical cage that allows me to project brain patterns onto his cerebral cortex.
     HIS HONOUR: I think I would have preferred the actual rat trap.
     PROF. MCLAINE: It comes from the acronym: Brain Impulse Galvanoscope Record And Transfer.  BIGRAT.
     HIS HONOUR: Did it take long to think up such a wildly inappropriate acronym?  So this child is stuck in a cage whilst you affect his brain.  To what end?
     PROF. MCLAINE: Ah - so he can - er - carry out missions for WIN.
     HIS HONOUR:  "Win"?
     PROF. MCLAINE: "World Intelligence Network".
     HIS HONOUR: Never mind the title, what do they do, Professor!
     PROF. MCLAINE: Er - they - ah - spy.
     HIS HONOUR (disbelievingly): A SPY network?  Your nine-year old son has his brains affected so he go off and carry out spying?
     PROF. MCLAINE: He's ten next month.
     HIS HONOUR:  I can foresee a very heavy custodial sentence in the offing.  Before -
     PROF. MCLAINE: It was all Sam Loover's idea!

Joe at work.
Probably about to laser some hapless victim into ash.

     Actually I should wind my neck in and report that the existence of WIN, and the sublimation of all the major intelligence agencies, including the Russian KGB, into it was seen as very positive forward-looking idea, especially since we're talking Height of the Cold War here.

 What you might call a "win-win" situation***

At The Checkout
If the till operator at the checkout strikes up a conversation with you, have the grace to respond.  You won't get a discount but you will help someone's day go a little faster.
     On Friday, doing the weekly shop at Asda, one of the floor staff came over to the assistant at my checkout, which was just opposite the alcohol aisles.
     "I'm just keeping an eye on this man,' she explained and indicated the direction of backward, 'Because he's just opened a bottle of sherry and started swigging from the bottle.'
     Our liquor-loving louche lizard hadn't paid for the bottle yet, so he was being just the teensiest bit cheeky.
     The operator then informed me that security staff had once spotted a chap on crutches shoplifting a bottle of whisky.  Unsurprisingly he failed to make a fast getaway and they caught him at the doors.
     Hom. Sap. eh?  What a very curious lot you are.

Blimey.  Already at the 775 word mark and none of the "P"s have been mentioned yet. Okay - 

Peaches
I'm using the ice cream recipe for Raspberry and Yoghurt ice cream, substituting other soft fruit in place of the raspberries.  This means I purreed the "Best by Feb 2015" in of peaches found at the back of the cupboard, and then seived it to get a really smooth texture.  

     I tested the mix before freezing it, and it is very nice.  What a shame you can't post a taste on Blogger!

Right.  Time and word count have conspired against us, so I may do another post later this evening, as I can tell you're simply slavering with curiosity about - o you're not? Oh.





* "The Police", translates Mister Hand 
** Just like "The Abyss"
*** Sorry.