Yesterday we were banging on about the "World Aqua Security Patrol", as seen on Stingray, with a bit of stooping to come up with an acronym that generated "W.A.T.E.R.S" and succeeding.
Earlier in the week we had a very bad pun concerning Aquaman -
"Aquaman. He can control fish. He can compel them. Heck, he can propel them!
That makes him a fish flinger, right?"
We'll be coming back to mister Wet in a bit. I might consider a bit of liquid locqaciousness tomorrow whilst hurling brickbats at the Bard. We'll see. Oh, there is a ghastly mutilated duck* in tonight's light and frothy nonsense.
Say Hello To Freaky Beaky
This is one of Edna's toys/victims
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| Observe the little tyke stage right |
She's managed to split the beak, then drag out the stuffing from the duck's neck. Sadly, this is all too often the fate of her soft toy friends, as she is ever-attentive and her teeth are sharpp.
Becca's Pome
The rather amusing and attractive Rebecca Mayer departed our team today, off to the twelfth floor on a twelve month secondment to Funeral Care. She may come back but frankly they'd be fools to let her go once she's up there. As ever, your poetry-hating scribe threw together some lines of scrivel to serenade her departure:
Dowdy little Rebeca Mayor
Has proven not to be a stayer.
Off to idle on the thirteenth floor
Say goodbye to E.T.W.
No more cake on Friday morn
Enough to make her all forlorn
And here allow me to digress
To retail
of her days at M and S
There she supped her diet Coke,
Dreaming of a younger bloke,
Insulting the customers who called
She ranted, tanted, raged and bawled.
Her supervisors could not curb
This evidence of mind-disturb.
Nor could they manage to suppress
Her super-speedy work egress.
Becca bolted, bulletlike, without fail,
To connect with National Rail
She shows this frantic passion here,
At five she’s off like hunted deer.
Therefore, her promotional elevation
Retards her dash to Viccy Station
So it’s not exactly breaking news
And there you have it. Of course she's not dowdy, nor did she shout at people on the phone, that's just poetic licence. I'm not worried, I'm a lot larger than she is.
The Long And Winding Road
Yes, another exciting excursion with First Bus on the 181, which didn't bother to go into Royton last night as I travelled home on it. No, it avoided Royton altogether, and will do for the next 6 weeks. Roadworks, you see.
Actually I don't see, but then given the fantastically complex business of getting a bus from A to B - easily ten times more difficult than the New Horizons probe - we must cut First Bus throat to pieces a little slack.
About five and a half inches should do it.
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| How apt. I would so like to give First Bus a good Beat. A large baseball bat would be a good start. |
The FantasticFour 2015 Iteration
Conrad glared in anger at a bus poster advertising the latest re-boot of the Fantastic Four.
Art? Any danger of you providing us with -
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| Who are these children? |
Ah, he must have eaten all the coal, you can't get any sense out of him otherwise.
Now, the caption there illustrates exactly how Conrad feels about this wretched piece of nonsense. It is obviously - obviously! - designed by a committee "to hit the youth demographic**". It's hard to believe that the previous Fantastic Four films could ever be considered timeless classics of casting, but given this version I might have to re-assess them.
Sprong! Sprung To Life
What, I have to ask, is this?
It's about two inches long, made of black metal and both ends are obviously broken.
I don't know what it is nor how it got into the Upstairs Lair.
Have I broken the barriers of Reality and coincidence is now chucking bits of rod at me?
Any and all answers gratefully received.
Superheroes With Their Pants Down
Today we fix our beady eye upon the last effective member of that Superteam, the JLA: Aquaman. Traditionally he's been a bit of an afterthought, not a fan favourite, and has had to be retrospectively made all cool 'n' shizzle***. For your information, he wields a trident, and has a magic hand made of water to substitute for the one that got chopped off. Now, that's actually something I like - he suffered a permanent injury that wasn't wished away by the next scriptwriter that came along, he has to deal with the consequences of it for the rest of his life.
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| No! Those are scales not sequins. |
This life will be made a little more interesting by what he might experience in it from day to day. For example -
1) He can control fish. Don't sniff at this power, it means as long as he has access to rivers or the sea, he'll never starve. "Swim into my net mister salmon!" I can guess what you're thinking - "Yuck RAW fish!" Ah, but no, with his magic water hand he can project jets of boiling water, so it's Broiled Salmon on the menu.
A word of caution. Lest Aquaman try to make a few dollars off his fish-charming ability by selling shedloads of fish to the local supermarket, he should know they'll be asking questions: "Is this farmed responsibly?" "Is it sustainable?" "You're not using tuna nets, are you?" etc.
2) His trident. This is an extremely powerful Atlantean artefact, but is also liable to be deemed an Offensive Weapon by the police. They might be satisfied with a compromise if he sticks a cork on the end of each barb, otherwise imagine the dialogue ...
COP: Do you have a licence for this weapon, sir?
AQUAMAN: Licence? Licence! I am the king of Atlantis - I need no licence!
COP: For a bladed weapon like that, sir, I'm afraid you do.
AQUAMAN: Bladed weapon? This is my Trident of ATLANTIS! It can shoot beams of raw power that would scorch the very sun!
COP: In that case, sir, I'm going to have to write you up for a Class Three Laser Product offence as well.
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| Also good for toasting muffins |
3) Republicans. This is the Justice League of AMERICA, after all, a country founded on rebellion against the monarchy. Aquaman, don't forget, is the King of Atlantis. Join the dots ...
4) Personal Hygeine. Aquaman is designed to operate in the abyssal depths of the ocean, where a constant flow of water deals with any B.O. issues. On dry land the concept of "washing" or "deodorant" would be utterly foreign to him. And, want to bet, his sweat reeks of fish?
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| Aquaman and his mobile dinner |
* Not a real one. Anna would kill me.
** This tactic did not work well for "Thunderbirds". I have spoken.
*** See me being down with the kids.
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