I happened to be eating my traditional breakfast of ice cream at work, a nice Peach and Yoghurt one, which is good enough but simply not as good as the Strawberry and Yoghurt one.
 |
| Just peachy |
'Is that mashed potato?' she asks.
Mashed potato? For breakfast? Moreover, since we are not allowed hot food at the PC, it would have to be cold mashed potato.
'No, it's ice cream,' I explained, to the confusion of Carol.
'Ice cream for breakfast?' she exclaimed.
Conrad dreams that, one day, those of us who choose to eat ice cream for breakfast will be able to enjoy it without the hysterical horror of the rest of the world*.
"The Gift"
A film review a la BOOJUM!'s rules.
1) Don't do any research
2) Be horribly literal
3) Lie if it looks good
 |
| The Lift. Close enough |
Well, there are two schools of thought about that.
a) No! Thrown the bloody thing in the river. Thus, a very short film
b) Yes, of course, it's a present, it would be shockingly rude not to open it. After all, what can possibly go wrong?
A Great Big Plot Hole
I can't wait until "The Snowman" comes out, with the hero Harry Hole**, and then I can scan it for slip-ups and mention and the Hole Hole.
Until then I can only keep on plodding away in my mean-spirited, obnoxious and malicious way.
So! Today we focus our perceptive eyes upon "Saving Private Ryan".
Okay, so when our somewhat-diminished patrol finally locate Private Ryan, notice anything about that town he's in?
It has a big river running right through it.
So, all the high command had to do was send a floatplane with a pilot and passenger, land it on the river, whistle up Ryan and move on.
Simples!
| A Floatplane. A plane, with floats |
Police Interceptors
One of Conrad's guilty pleasures, any of this type of programme really, which simultaneously attract and appal him. If you wonder about how human the "po-po" are then catch one of these programmes and revel in the sheer baseness some people can descend to. Usually when drunk. And driving.
| If you don't get this, go to IMDB and look for "Mad Max" Really. This is an Interceptor and he's a policeman. |
Superheroes With Their Pants Down
And today we focus on - Hellboy!
You will be familiar with him as of course you watched both the films at the cinema, didn't you, and also the two animated films, right?
 |
| Actually I think Mike's seen the problems about coatsleeves already |
Now, HB has never been precious about his appearance, and he's a pretty down-to-earth^ kinda guy, but he would have problems in the everyday world.
1) Gloves, shirts and coats. He'd need a specially tailored right sleeve to accomodate his giant stone fist, a sleeve that zips along it's whole length.
2) Fundamental religious types. Although you and I know that HB is as human on the inside as you are, and a hell of a lot more human that a lot of humans, you cannot deny that he looks a bit devil-y.
3) Fundamental right-wing types. Especially in the USA. He's bright red. Red. Red all over. Come on, join the dots, what more do you need? Although, in balance, he'd go down well in Russia.
| Hellboy and the team. Kickers of butt, assemble! |
A World Of Wet
Oh how unpredictable our English weather!
This morning I strolled - normally I sashay but it was wet, so it was back to strolling - to the bus stop, and as I came to the road I cautioned myself
"Better look upstream"
and this will give you a better impression of why I said that to myself: |
| A Grade "A" Grey Day |
AAAAnd For Today's Coincidence -
I pondered this yesterday whilst waiting for the lights to change at Shude Hill. Two young ladies were strolling across against the lights and the traffic, not caring one whit about either because THEY WERE BUSY CHATTING ON THEIR MOBILE PHONES.
'Potential Darwin Award winners,' I thought. The "Darwin Awards" is a cruel and amusing website devoted to idiots who remove themselves from the gene pool by fatally stupid behaviour - looking inside a giant fuel tank to check if it's empty - with a lit match; propping up a car on a set of acid-filled batteries whilst working under it; trying to stop a train with telekinesis. That kind of stupid.
http://www.darwinawards.com/
I can hear you quibbling about there not being a whole lot of coincidence here.
Patience!
At lunchtime I was cruising the back pages of BOOJUM! because, frankly, I wonder what the hell was going through my mind at some of them. Anyway, I looked up 28th July 2014 - and what do we have?
No! Not Poskrebyshev on a petrol-powered pogo stick. This -
As you must certainly know by now, gentle reader, the one piece of modern technology that Conrad regards with hatred and suspicion is the mobile phone. He would much rather have two tin cans tied to a string than a mobile phone, especially since you could use them as an improvised bolas to tackle criminals whilst out -
- yes, well, Conrad - no like mobile phones. Another thing struck him today as he sternly watched a young lady walk by, smiling broadly and chattering away to thin air.
Now, back in the day, one knew to give raving loonwaffles a wide berth, and they were easy to spot - they had a vacant grin across their face as they gabbled wildly into thin air. Today, with Blackberry, you really don't know where you stand.
Conrad is bothered.
There you go. It's reassuring to know what there are constants in the world: the charge value of an electron; human stupidity; and Conrad banging on about mobile phones.
* It may take a while, but women got the vote, didn't they?
** Don't snigger, it's Norwegian.
*** I'm not entirely sure what this means, but I'm pretty sure it's bad. Very bad.
^ Literally
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