It's Roy Dotrice - On The Golden Fleece!

Ha!  Fooled you!
     You surely understand by now that Conrad and BOOJUM! are unreliable witnesses, who cannot be trusted to tell the truth, even a little bit, if by fibbing they can drive up traffic figures.
     It seems to have worked, at least today: 24 hits before posting anything.
     What's that?  "Who is Roy Dotrice"?
     British character actor, that's who.
     Now, before we move on -
     "What does he look like?"
     Can we please -
     "Do we get a picture?"
     OH ALRIGHT!

Roy Dotrice, OBE

     I hope you're satisfied now.
     What's that?  "We want a Golden Fleece as well?"
     OH DO YOU!  Whose blog is it?
     "We'll keep pestering."
     <Conrad sighs in cruel despair>

I think the wings are over-egging the pudding a bit

     Now, IF I can take charge of my own blog, thank you very much -

<pause to listen for any treacherous mutterings.  None heard.>

You What? 
(A.K.A. The Twits And The Foobs Are Back)
Here we go again.  Once again Conrad has to wonder at the mindset or the motivation or the inept programming that goes into selecting colossally silly Suggested Posts.
     Take this one, for example:

"Do you want to learn how to code?"

     Look at these misanthropic micro-minds.  Do I want to learn how to code?

NO I DOG BUNS WELL DO NOT!

     When have I ever expressed the slightest hint of potential interest in "learning to code"?  When?  Tell me, I am eager to know!
     Then we have this:

Item the third

     Miranda Who and Blake Who?
     Conrad presumes these are a couple of F-List celebrities, whose names he does not recognise, so perhaps more like M-list celebrities.  A sports person and a Reality TV Star, is My guess, but I don't care enough to bother troubling Google about 'em.
     Lastly, we have:

Excuse me?

     Conrad wears one pair of shoes at a time, until they wear out.  Then he wears another pair.  He gets them from charity shops*.  They cost very little.

TAKE YOUR EXCLUSIVE LEATHER SHOES AND LEAVE THE STAGE!  RIGHT NOW!

     That is all.

There will now be a short pause as I go for another cup of loose leaf Darjeeling, sans milk and sugar of course**.

The Metro
Is talking up the battle of words between two people whose only function in life seems to be to drape themselves over tabloid covers; that, and to annoy Conrad.

One is swift, and one is slow.
Together, they're a horror-show

     This is not even a storm in a teacup.  It is more akin to a mild breeze in a thimble, and if I get struck with artistic inspiration about an even smaller container, you'll be the first to hear about it.

"Gravity's Rainbow" By Thomas Pynchon
Dammit, another coincidence that I can't back up.  
  <Wait a minute!  I can!>

Note those names

     Please note that you will only ever find mention of these people in scholarly historical works about Germany in the pre-Medieval period - what used to be called the "Dark Ages", as they have been gone for a thousand years.
     Except after posting this last night, this morning there it is on Page 463 - two characters speaking Wendish.
     What are the chances of that happening?

Meanwhile, At Strategic Rocket Forces Base Number Sixteen, Novi Palatinsk
You may not be aware that nuclear missiles, being complex bits of kit, need tender loving care and attention.  In Russia, they have strictly-maintained schedules of inspection and repair that apply to the missiles themselves, and also to the warheads.  

Misha and Grisha in the "Clean Room"

     Now, you may also be unaware that it is actually incredibly difficult to detonate a nuclear warhead without the proper arming codes and PAL*** enabling.  Still, accidents can happen ...
     The walls of the Clean Room at Novi Palatinsk are hung with warning signs:

NO COUGHING!  NO SNEEZING!

     - because if your work partner vents their nostrils loudly whilst you're re-attaching an MIR-87 150 kilotonne warhead, you may die of a heart attack

No Backslapping
No hugging

   No backslapping for the same reason as the sneezing, and the Russian army frowns on hugging, unless you're both loaded on vodka.

     For the same reason as sneezing or backslapping.

Not even waltzes

     Because dancing is not manly and besides you don't want to set up a resonant frequency due to vibration and cause objects to fall apart, do you^?

     Then, because Senior Sergeant Petrov pointed out it's not forbidden, and the idea gave the colonel nightmares for a week -

ABSOLUTELY NO WHACKING THE WARHEADS WITH BIG METAL HAMMERS

* Actually Wonder Wifey does.  Thanks, Wonder Wifey!
** Go on, this is pretty elitist, ain't it?
*** Permissive Action Links - physical measures to prevent accidental detonations.
^ Michael Flatley: Ireland's Strategic Deterrent