Conrad. Definitely Hell-bound

I Apologise For My Awful Mind
It's just that when I was following the 409 bus, I was aware of the advert on it's rear.
     "Wellbaby Drops".
      Now, I know how this works.  Any parent reading or seeing that poster would immediately - IMMEDIATELY! - feel that they have to read on in order to ensure that their baby gets <insert generic chemical cocktail here> in order to become an incipient Einstein.  Or Feynman.  Albert might be more famous but Richard has better rhythm, trust me.

What you ought to experience

     Now, I'm afraid my naughty mind - Bad mind! Wicked mind!  No biscuit, cigar or coconut for you! - immediately conjured the following:


      - and "Drops".  At this point I shall refrain from comment, except to say that the UN International Criminal Court would probably be interested if this anecdote were to continue further.
     Let the motleiy commence!

A Short Pictorial About Animals
Hopefully, cute animals.  This is not one of those ploys by Inferior Blog Artists, who pad out their posts with a ton of pictures and very little text, the swine!
     Okay, we begin with - 

"Ah.  Puny human has provided crumpets with peanut butter!"

     Jenny, sitting in her box, until Conrad put his breakfast on the table, upon which she crawled out of the box, until shouted at and swiped on the nose.  She will try the "Very Slow Gradual Approach To The Bacon" tactic unless you intercept and prevent instanter.
     Somewhat later on she decided to cast all dignity to the winds and disport herself in the back yard -

Jenny, letting the side down

     Conrad was also the Dog Sitter De Jour today, in charge of Edna long enough to take her on a walk.  We made a diversion along the Public Footpath into the open fields beyond:

Edders biscuit-hunting

     There was a problem here that Conrad had not encountered before: the grasses in the field had grown so long that Edna could not see above them.  She bounced amongst the stems and reeds for a moment before returning to the beaten track:

A veritable verdant vista

     And there she stayed.  Her grasp of the "Fetch" concept is also a little hazy.

"The Pistols on CD.  Tch!"
Thus says a character in the 2000AD strip "Zenith", way back in the Eighties.  Can't remember who it is, but good lord aloft, what would they have made of THIS:

We can post this here.  It was deemed SFW back in the Seventies.

     I think Richard Branson gets a mention in one of 2000 AD's "Zenith" tales, which is kind of a logical Moebius loop.  Better back off before we become

Direct Line Insurance
I have been seeing their adverts in the Fish And Chip Wrapper of late.  Featuring Harvey Keitel - star of "Saturn Three" - 

White and red background bicolour.
The Poles could sue, you know.

   
     The ethos behind these adverts appears to be "Use us.  Or we'll kill you."
     Who on earth thought that this was a good idea*? Memorable, yes, except in entirely the wrong way!  And if you don't believe me, check out "Strand cigarettes".

Avoid Animal Problems The BOOJUM! Way
Yes indeed.  Responding to recent posts on Facebook by colleagues who are looking to re-house a tortoise, Conrad takes it upon himself to inform You The Reader about genuine real-world issues.
     This, gentle reader, is a skink.  Let me repeat that.  A SKINK:

A Skink.  Looking a bit slinky.

     Whereas this is a skunk.  Let me repeat that.  A SKUNK:

A skunk.  Looking a bit stinky.

     Let your humble scribe also refer you to the German translations of the above.
     German                    English
     Skink                        Skink
     Skunk                       Stink-weisel
   
     BOOJUM! - teaching elderly dogs, cats and Bufo Bufo** new tricks.

Schlemmertopfing!
To continue the German theme a little longer, if you didn't already know, a "Schlemmertopf" is a great big German glazed pot that you cook in.
     Veggies avert your eyes now:

Behold the boiled bird!

     It really renders cooking a great big lump of meat very simple.  All you need to remember is to take it out and baste every 30 minutes or so, and - Hay Pesto!

And there we have it for today.  I have enough material to make a go of Sunday quite easily, plus there's always the "Cheap and Easy Blog-Bloating" technique, which involves copying the blogs of 2 years ago. No! Vulnavia, that's "recycling" not "re-making".

Toodle Pip!

*Harvey Keitel's agent, that's who!
** A member of the weasel family