You out there with predictable weather are probably wrinkling your brows in puzzlement. Not so any UK readers, we don't take our weather for granted and, indeed, tomorrow is forecast to be another soggy Sunday, so - we enjoy the sunshine while we can.
The Day Begins
Well, as per Conrad's tradition, we begin with ice cream, a couple of pints of tea and all the books -
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Self-inflicted Coincidence
Pardon me for coming over like a swivel-eyed paranoid loonwaffle*, but there I was on Thursday, walking to the bus stop and the phrase "Durance vile" popped into my head.
I do apologise - it's Oscar** at work.
It's a distinctly old-fashioned way of saying "imprisonment".
Last night I was reading an old fan fiction of mine from years ago; written about the UK branch of UNIT. There it was in the text: "durance vile".
What are the chances <Mister Hand intervenes to prevent a lot of self-pitying maudlin prose without a punchline>
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| The durance in question. (restored after attack by Cybermen and anti-tank missiles) |
When Wonder Wifey pops out Saturday morning for a couple of hours of shopping, do you think Conrad goes with her?
NO!
Conrad's attitude to shopping can be summed up by the scene in "As Good As It Gets" when Jack Nicholson's character leans into a shop, points at the nearest article of clothing and says "I'll have that one".
Consequently I get to dog-sit:
All The Books!
Some of them. If Conrad were ever to win the Lottery, he'd need a warehouse to stock all the books he'd buy.
Anyway, here's the latest order from Naval and Military Press, from their catalogue where the maximum price per book was £7.99. Conrad confesses being rather mercenary in selecting the ones that cost the most originally - so here's £30's worth of books that would have been £85 without the discount.
Voltaire
One of my jobs at the office is re-setting passwords for people who've not used their account for a month, or who put the wrong one in three times, as both lock them out. This morning, dozing fitfully, I had the wicked notion of giving them the temporary password "Voltaire".
NO! Bad Conrad ! Naughty Conrad! You have to keep the temporary passwords as simple as possible!
Using "Voltaire" when the callers barely know what a volt is would be cruel and unusual punishment***.
Belly Wob
I think this is a contracted version of "Belly Wobblefatbutt", another idea that popped up in my brain whilst having a lie-in this morning.
Let me introduce you to the lovable "Wellyphant", surely the inspiration for Belly Wob:
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| "Lovable"? |
I think Belly Wob would be the government mascot for the campaign against child obesity:
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| "I'm a porker of a pachyderm!" |
"Weighing two ton
Really is no fun
Put down that bun
- go for a run!"
Yeah, right Belly Wob. I'm not convinced and I invented you.
Tune in tomorrow to see what else bizarre concepts have erupted from the fertile, free-from-sense environs of Conrad's brain!
The Minions
You know, those little yellow rascals from "Despicable Me", who were so well-liked that they now have a film of their own. It's positively heart-warming to see the slavish lackeys of a major villain getting such recognition.
But, did you know that they are all male? Their creator said they were so stupid they couldn't possibly be female.
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| So. That one in a French maid's outfit - |
Please! Did nobody think of the children? How can <And again Mister Hand intervenes to save space and your patience>
NCIS
I know, I know, "popcorn-for-the-eyes". I watch it whilst allowing Edna to sulk on my lap. Nowhere have I seen just how much of the military kit on display is loaned out by the US Navy, or if any of it is. After all, although the good guys nearly always win in the end, the bad guys are nearly always part of the US Navy or Marine Corps. Yin and Yang, swings and roundabouts, Thor and Loki, that kind of vibe.
* All my better qualities
** My memory. Quite unpredictable.
*** But oh so amusing.
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