The Fearsome Frog - That Ate Boss Hogg!

You Know - From That Modern Classic "The Dukes Of Hazzard"*
Don't worry, the death scene was scored low by test audiences, so the studio cut it out.  It would have been nice, in Conrad's opinion, to see a giant were-frog tearing Boss Hogg to bits and licking up the blood, but this apparently clashed with the series' comic intent,so what do I know.** I believe it does exist as an "Easter Egg" on the DVD.***

Er - Dukes of Hazmat?

"Mason And Dixon" By Thomas Pynchon
Well well, what do we have here?  A strange diversion (admittedly in a slightly odd book) - a whole chapter devoted to the Chinese court astronomers Hsi and Ho (which might be Chinese for "Mason" and "Dixon" but Conrad is both lazy and on a schedule so he's not translating for you) who both converse in Geordie English - how did this book get published, again?
     And at the point I finished, we go off on one of Tom's little phantasies, this one about gigantic vegetables - corn as high as a barn, squash bigger than houses, and a betroot so big that people can get in and walk around inside. Which reminded me of -

Getting there -

"Guzliar Wonders" By Kyrill Bulychev
This is a collection of short stories about the town of Guzliar, set in the Soviet Union of the late Seventies and early Eighties.  Entirely against what you might expect, they are very amusing, the first tale being "The Tale Of The Turnip", which is set on a distant alien planet and is about a turnip of gigantic proportions - big enough that people can walk around inside it.

"Those are state secrets, Conrad.  State secrets.

Too many words!  More pictures!

Here Is A Facebook Page
This is a list of words that I use a lot on Facebook.  

Apparently my sardonic use of "Team" has repercussions.  I am deeply repentant.
No, wait a minute - no I'm not.

     Most of those are perfectly normal, aren't they?

"Fortitude"
Onto Episode Five of this chilly thrilly series - I'm sure that's a pun The Metro probably resorted to - and the landscape is pretty spectacular.  Everything is getting more complicated as all kinds of plot threads unravel, and we keep getting sinister soundtrack treatments whenever we see the mammoth remains.  Is this significant?  Perhaps.
     Oh, and what's this?
     What was I banging on about last week?  "Harvey" the film, which I made a point of watching.
     What crops up on the episode of "Fortitude" that I'm watching?
     "Harvey"!
     Once again, we have to have a bit of coin - WHAT WAS THAT NOISE!

More Pictures! Fewer words!

Once Again I Don't Do This Very Often
Dogsitting Edna the Mobile Alarm System again, I was busy scratching away^ at the kitchen table, with her sitting whimpering every so often at my feet.
     'Oh alright!' I grumped at her.  'I'll go lie on the settee and you can lie on me.'
     Which she did, for about two minutes, before skittering off all over the house, returning to - sit on the settee, not me.
     I did get to watch "Death to the Daleks", however, which by coincidence happens to be one of the first videos I ever bought.
     Now, given that the budget is approximately £27.59, it's not at all bad.  The Dalek's machine guns sound rather rubbish, and the inexpertly overdubbed sound effect emphasises this rather than covering it up.  The fact that it was shot in a quarry is actually a bonus, as part of the plot involves - quarrying.  And it has that wonderful sequence of lethal puzzles in the Exxilon city, too.
     One wonders about the artisans who created the polystyrene foam city, which does look impressive in the matte shots, viz:

Behold the "Before"

     And who then had to destroy it, by apparently spraying it with a plastic-destroying solvent:

     This bit should have been shot at very high speed, giving the dissolution a bit of literal weight and gravity, but good old corner-cutting Auntie Beeb didn't allow this - so the special effects are - er - less than special here.

Oh yes the adverts.  They all seemed to be about money.  Dull.  DULL!  Let's move on.

From Dull To Light
Let me illuminate you^^

I set a high standard^^

     I have borrowed this from Darling Daughter's bedroom, as my own standard lamp had begun to lean alarmingly at a 300 slant, since the base attachment knurl nut had worn away.

"Don't worry.  They're old state secrets.
But I  shall be keeping an eye on you in future, Conrad."

*Yes I am lying, it was dreadful.
** Lots and lots, by the way. Not entirely useful or relevant, but lots.
*** It doesn't, actually, I'm lying once again.  Tee hee!
^ Quill pen, not fingernails and scalp.  Just so we're clear.
^^ Sorry.
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