The Animal Arsenal Of Freedom

It's Only Too True
Yes, those wicked South Canadians are messing with Mother Nature again.  You've seen the terrifying results of their genetic manipulations already - Tony The Ten Ton Terror Toad (Modus Operandi: he squashes things) and Clarissa The Cannibal Combat Chicken (Modus Operandi: she eats things).  There's also Willy the Weasel Shark, although they don't mention him that often.
     My informers at DARPA, NASA, JPL, BOBO* and MIT all concur that further research is taking place even now and we have leaked pictures:

"Hi!  I'm Frank"

     Meet Project Pimple:  Frank The Ferociously Farting Frog.  He can't kill you, but he can empty a room in seconds, and you can't strike a match for five minutes afterwards.
     Then there's another leaked project:

"Yes, puny human?"

     Neil the Newt of Ill-Repute.  He has all forms of bad human behaviour downloaded into him, then he gets sent to parties - bow-tie affairs, embassy dinners, formal portrait unveiling, that sort of thing - and misbehaves dreadfully.
     Then, while everyone's eyes are upon this mischievous amphibian, the CIA sneak in and crack open the safe - by having Tony sit on it.

"Far From The Madding Crowd"
Ah, another BOOJUM! film review.  Let's examine the forensic process of a BOOJUM! film review - i) Make it up ii) don't bother to be logical  iii) use long words where possible to sound clever.
     So.  Far away from people.  That means - Saint Helena.  Or M3 (the Manned Mars Mission) - as this really would be as far from people as you can get.  

Or Spurn Head.  That's pretty remote.

     Ah.  Big skirts.  Okay, i) Chick flick and ii)St Helena.  Because big skirts won't fit into a spacesuit.

"Meerkat Movies"
Saw this on a bus poster and it raised a smile.  

Sergei, advertising - er - advertising - <what's he advertising?>

However, what are they promoting again?
     
"Fortitude"
Oh I love the landscape in this series!  Ice and snow and mist and mountains.  Brilliantly bleak.  And it reminds me of "Twin Peaks" - a lot of stuff going on under the surface is SUDDENLY EXPOSED when there's a murder.
     Now - a bit of a SPOILER!

Seriously - a SPOILER!

     When the large lass looked into the garage where the mammoth carcass lay, having it's tusks sawn off, Conrad felt suspicious.  Nothing buried in the permafrost ever decays, eh?  And matey just sawed the tusks off it, generating a whole lot of heat in the process - possibly rendering active microorganisms that had lain dormant for 32,000 years.

The fools!  Haven't they seen Carpenter's documentary "The Thing"?

     On a lighter note, Conrad is familiar with "Lutefisk", from his hanging around on The Agony Booth Forum**.  It's fish pickled in sodium hydroxide.  Which means it has to be repeatedly flushed with water over time, or you'll suffer chemical burns when eating it.
     And it's not that nice when eaten; "fish-flavoured rubber jelly" is how I've heard it described.
     
Statistically Speaking -
STOP RIGHT THERE!  This is fascinating stuff and you're not allowed to leave until I've had my say.
     Okay, witness the difference in background work for the blog between today:

     And last year:

Yes yes yes it's upside down.  Stop quibbling, you can't have everything!

     This is because I'm on a late shift tonight and didn't get to sit down until 8 p.m. so I thought I'd better have a bit of material worked out already.  In fact I think I may have overdone it and will have to miss things out, or I'd be here till 10 p.m.***
     Also, the monthly traffic stats for March have been mirroring a Smith's song - "Oscillate Wildly".  Up and up and then down, but I did break the 1,000 mark at one point - 1,014 hits, which is what I'll remember, rather than a feeble 893.
     Google Analytics continues to generate lots of data.  However, I'm not going to post any of it^, at least not yet.  I think that, to obtain reliable and consistent data if your blog traffic is comparatively low, you need a long period before being able to judge.^^

The Metro
Ah, the ever-reliable Litter Tray Liner!  What do we have today that Conrad can rant and tant about?
     Animals in adverts, of course.  I think those lazy people in advertising are now plagiarising each other, because they see animals in an advert and think - "How cute!"

Not sure what they're advertising, and don't really care

     They aren't Meerkats, are they?
     Sorry, what were they promoting again?

Once again the 60 minute rule impacts upon Conrad's creative processes, so we must bid you a fond farewell, and leave you with the acronym "SLBM", which isn't what you think it is.

Oh, and Darling Daughter is with us till tomorrow, so we have been cramming her with food and forcing chocolate upon her -

     A dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

Chin Chin!


* It's not real, I'm just clowning about
** It's a long story.  I'll tell you one day.
*** Which would keep me from vandalising the local bus stops for an hour longer.
^ To a chorus of "Thank the lord", no doubt.
^^ Also I'm not quite sure what a lot of the data is about.

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