Greetings, Pilgrims!
Once again we buckle and knuckle down to another Intro featuring the first real epic story in the pages of "2000AD", "The Cursed Earth", which was inspired by both the novel and film of Roger Zelazny's "Damnation Alleyway". Don't worry, I think I've mined all the content I can from Ol' Rog's post-apocalyptic thriller. Note the "Think" there, as a qualifier.
Okay, you may not be familiar with the 'Road Trip' concept but have surely seen at least one film that deals with it. First, allow me to insert a click-baity picture in here now that Art has roused himself from his coal-induced slumbers.
That's Spikes Harvey Rotten and Dredd in the bows. Now, to up the word count a little and provide a bit of context, here's what the damnably entertaining site "TV Tropes" has to say on the subject of Road Trips.
A Road-Trip Plot is a work about characters taking a trip to go from point A to point Z, usually in a car. Along the way, they stop by points B, C, D, et al, in diners, motels and Small Towns, while things happen to them at each point. It may be a silly comedy or a drama where characters learn things they didn't know about themselves.
Obviously this is written in a South Canadian manner, which is quite applicable, as their continental-sized country is so freaking enormous that you do, indeed, have to drive to get anywhere.
So. Dredd and his party set out from Mega-City One to make the perilous journey across the Cursed Earth in order to deliver vaccines to Mega-City Two. This is nothing less than a chance for the writers (and artists) to throw in every kind of plot point imaginable. Art!
No, the mutants don't score very highly on the Thomas Cook Five-Star system. Back then there was no silly nonsense about a pitying, sympathetic back-story, they were just bad to the bone. Art!
There were a couple of wild sections in the comic that got them in very hot water thanks to trademark infringement, possibly because the staff didn't think any major companies with marques in the game would be reading a silly little British comic. Art!
The there were these episodes, where a demented scientist, who seems to be based on a certain Colonel from somewhere I can't quite remember, creates all sorts of weird and wonderful creatures that just so happen to resemble corporate trademarks. Conrad's not sure what his reason was, but it did allow Brian Bolland to demonstrate his ability with pen and ink. Art!
IPC, the publishers, settled out of court and had the above cartoon panel added-in before the next episode of TCE. Hmmm really? Can you imagine Ol' Stony Face sleeping soundly without a sentry on duty? Not only that, th
ANYWAY by the late Noughties, EU law made the parody use of marques like this fair game, so recent publications of TCE all have proudly proclaimed "UNCENSORED!" on the front covers.
I think that's enough of cursing and earthing for one Intro.
Eggsactly
As you ought to know by now, BOOJUM! follows the Youtube channel "Inside Russia", which is fronted by Konstantin Samoilov, who grew up in the old Sinister Union until his mid-teens, at which point it fell over and died. To the sadness of a lot of elder Ruffians who look back on it fondly, with it's food queues, repression, food queues, relentless bureaucracy, food queues and endless media lying. Did we mention food queues yet?
Well, Big K. pointed out that one of the symptoms of Sinister life has indeed returned: food queues. In this case, for eggs, because as we all know, eggs are a rare and precious item greatly prized by the cognoscenti. Art!
NOT THAT KIND OF EGGS!
Big K. had a cheesy grin when playing this clip. He'd been regaling us viewers with details of having to queue for 40 minutes just to buy a couple of loaves when he was twelve. He then posted a clip of him going shopping for eggs in Tashkent (Uzbekistan), where he now lives. Art!
So many eggs! So much of smugness!
Give a salute to Big K. next time you make an omelette.
Australian Male Life Expectancy
Conrad came across a Youtube short by "YBSYoungbloods" that rather beggars belief when you realise what the bludger (an Ocker term of endearment) was up to. Art!
In case it's not clear, this is the angry little octopus squirting water at matey, and then scooting at him, which is when he displays remarkably swift footwork in dancing away.
"Why is he so worried about a tiny octopus like that!" I hear you sneer.
Because the Blue-Ringed Octopus is one of the most poisonous marine denizens there is. That thing capable of fitting into the palm of your hand carries enough poison to kill matey twenty-five times over. That's why he danced out of the way so promptly, and also proved that he's an idiot for poking it with a stick in the first place. They are hotching with a soup of neurotoxins that paralyse and cause respiration to stop, despite their bite radius being minute. So you would lie, perfectly aware of what's going on around you, whilst silently asphyxiating. Delightful. Art!CAUTION! Not suitable for any sensible persons
Australian wildlife, hmmmm?
"City In The Sky"
Murder and mayhem maybe in the offing, judging by the townsfolk of New Eucla being madly determined to hang the Doctor.
‘IF YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HIM YOU’D BETTER
BE SURE HE KILLED A HUMAN BEING!’ came a bellow from the entrance doors. The fervour of his attackers dropped for a
second.
Not being human, and having the advantage of several centuries more life
experience than anyone on Earth, and with an alien metabolism, and having
studied cross-species applicable yoga in
Time slowed down. Not a temporal
trick, this was his perception speeding up by a factor of twenty.
Observation: this crowd is being provoked by methods unknown to heights
of aggression far beyond anything normal or acceptable.
Method: can’t be a gas, the auditorium is too large for any such effect;
anything capable of such an effect would be fatal. Those people still in the audience aren’t
raging homicidal zealots, either.
Directional, then. A beam. Narrow focus, or everyone in here would be
stampeding onto stage to kill me.
Nothing happened until Mike and the others crowded me. Aha!
There had to be a focus for their aggression, or they’d just attack each
other. So, this directional beam is
being directed by an observer on the spot, it’s not timed to operate at a set
moment.
And the attention of that director was diverted when Alex made his
life-saving – at least I hope it’s life-saving! – entrance, directing the beam
away from me. The device used must be
hidden, or it would make people suspicious.
Got it. I know what it is.
You, too, can be in the know if you tune in tomorrow!
- And Nary A Sign Of Marvin
No! Not Hank Marvin, revered guitar player of the Sixties. No, I mean Marvin The Martian, whom has been singularly absent in any of the photos or videos sent back from Mars by the aptly-named 'Perseverance' rover. It has just passed it's 1,000th Martian day on the red planet, having thoroughly scoured Jezero Crater for interesting rock samples. Art!
Ol' Percy has been busily collecting rock samples at various different locations in the crater, which is the easy bit. There's another Mars mission in the pipeline, that will land another unit in order to load up the rock samples, which will be lofted into orbit and then carried back to Earth on yet another rocket, if - and it's quite a big if - all goes well. O and if their budget gets approval.
Conrad counsels caution - his zombie opus "Revelations" begins when ancient Martian micro-organisms get loose upon Planet Earth. It doesn't end well.
Finally -
Not sure what to put here to round things off, as we're well over count by now. Perhaps only to say that we had a Teams quiz this morning, and Conrad did miserably on the Emoji-Clue-To-A-Song. Only 2 out of 10. And - whisper who dares - it had been lifted from "The Beano". You know, the comic for kids.
Which seems to be where we came in. Toodles!
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