Gravity, Whether You Believe In It Or Not

Still Exists

No!  I am not talking about the film "Gravity", which I have not seen, although I am given to understand that it features George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, so a win-win for those who want eye-candy in their cinematic entertainment.  Art!

     I am also given to understand that it was directed by Alfonso Cuaron, whom directed the very excellent "Children Of Men", which is a compelling dystopian almost-post-apocalypse thriller, and the action sc

     ANYWAY that's not what this Intro is about.  Don't get complacent, one of these days the opening paragraph will indeed be what we're talking about.  Art!

Clive Owen's finest moment

     This Intro is about an anecdote posted on Quora in response to the question "What did you do when you saw someone stealing at work?".  The Original Poster, 'Slack Mack', was working on a site in Houston, at Nabisco.  Conrad is not sure if any of you reprobates out there are familiar with Nabisco.  Art!

"NAtional BIScuit COmpany" after it's heyday

     OP had eyes on a fellow worker, a maintenance guy who had decided to steal a piece of kit called a 'Bench Grinder' - kind of a cool name for a cheesy Seventies low-budget action meathead hero - and a large model of said infernal engine at that.  Art!

     As you can see, this is a pretty robust piece of kit, and a large one of these will tip the scales at about two stone.  O go on then, 15 kilograms.  The one Light-Fingered Larry had his eye upon massed around a hundred pounds, which I can't be bothered to convert into kilograms.  Just over seven stone, or a fair-sized young person.  Bench grinders are built for durability and longevity, not machined to fine tolerances.

     Now that we've set the scene, OP witnessed Light-Fingered Larry appropriating the bench grinder, then realising, downcast, that he'd never get it past the guard hut at the exit to the building.  This is exactly why there was a guard hut at the exit to the building.  You'd be surprised at the sheer adhesive quality of miscellaneous machinery on a construction site.

     OP then witnessed LFL get a lightbulb moment.  Instead of carrying it himself and getting busted by the security staff, he decided to take a short cut, as it were.  Since he was the proud owner of a pickup truck, he decided to - Art!

CAUTION! This man paid for his wood.  Do not judge.

     - back it up to the side of the building and drop his ill-gotten gains over the edge of the roof, into the cargo bed of his pick up.  OP estimated that there was a thirty foot drop from roof to cargo bed.  Whilst watching, and apparently being good at off-the-cuff maths, he estimated that the bench grinder hit LFL's pick up truck with a force of, ooooh, say ten thousand pounds.  There is no guesstimating about OP also being a malicious plabby, since he knew very well what would happen.  Art!

     See that big circular item?  That's the differential, and the bench grinder hit the bed just forward of that and went through it as if 'twere naught.  This would have destroyed the transmission, not to mention making an extremely loud noise which would have brought everyone running.

     OP didn't actually finish his malicious recounting, so we can only presume that Larry got fired for theft and criminal damage to the grinder, whilst also having to call a tow truck to get his <ahem> 'broke-ass' pick up to a garage.

     Gravity, Larry, is always there, whether you are a decent law-abiding citizen or a sweaty-palmed thief.

Dog Pile On Ruffia!  Dog Pile On Ruffia!

Can't have them getting fat and complacent, can we?  Well, what with inflation for foodstuffs being about 25%, they're not likely to get fat thanks to an ever-shrinking shopping basket.  Hark!  Art?

     I've not bothered to list the exchange rate for November, as it was mostly bumping along at 88 or 89 rubles to the dollar, quite probably thanks to the recent increase in interest rates to 15%.  Now, though, the temporary fix seems to have worn off and the markets are responding in their logical and appraising manner.  Which is to say, the ruble is cratering - again.  You never know, Muscovites might get a Christmas present of it hitting 100 to the dollar again, which is guaranteed to send Chipmunk Cheeks into a frothing frenzy.  Tee hee!

Banal By Comparison

As you should surely know by now, Conrad makes up a big batch of stew on Sunday, which he then consumes at lunchtime thanks to it's convenience.  This time I decided it was going to be Chicken And Sweetcorn, with nary a sign of cabbage or sauerkraut.  Art!

     You don't get a sense of scale from this.  Let me assure you that this pot's contents would feed eight people to bursting point AND I HAVE TO EAT IT ALONE.  O well.  First world problems as my old boss Richard would say.

"City In The Sky"

The Doctor, as ever, has managed to land feet-first into trouble and is even now finding even more trouble to get into.

     ‘Nye plastuny,’ he grated to nobody at all, suiting action to words and shimmying backwards.  He felt slightly embarassed that Leo Tolstoy’s greatest achievement in this century would have been teaching a Gallifreyan how to crawl Cossack-style. 

     WHUD! and a crossbow quarrel appeared in the ground, between the index and middle fingers of  his left hand.

     The fading daylight might also have played a part in his survival.  Lying flat as he was, the shadows cast at dusk helped him to blend into the roadway.

     Dancing to his feet and upright, the Doctor backed into the main north-south road in New Eucla, looking madly to left and right. 

     ‘ – and that is how you perform the Black Bottom,’ he declared to anyone listening.  Not many of the Euclan’s still working bothered to pay much attention to the stranger, who skipped off to his equally strange machine atop the ridge.  There he spent an educational half hour, before realising what the time was, having to dash downhill and off to the town hall.  En route he caught up with Mike, asking him to rouse Alex, get him fed and bring the young man to the town hall.

     ‘Hello hello,’ he boomed, windmilling his arms as he entered the big auditorium with at least forty faces staring at him.  ‘I know it’s only seven o’clock but given the circumstances I think an earlier start is better than a later one.’

     Conrad is unsure exactly what a 'Black Bottom' is, only that it sounds vaguely unclean.  Possibly to do with jazz?

"The War Illustrated"

Conrad thinks that the next photograph up is a montage, so let us see if I'm correct.  If I'm not I can always go back and edit these lines and you'll never know any different, tee hee!  Art!

     I was right, of course.  This picture was taken in the Ausente Valley, north of Cassino, and is claimed to show a 'German tank'.

     WRONG!  I can tell you immediately from the suspension and return rollers and drive wheels that it's an Italian tank, probably an M13/40.  The Teutons, ever short of kit, would happily steal other nation's tanks if they were left unattended, and I bet this is what happened here.  You may be wondering why it's upside down, as did I.  The answer probably lies in the Jeep in the background, which is on a road, as are the two curious GIs.  If Tanky broke down or was immobilised on the road it would be a great big fat obstruction, so it would have been bulldozed off into the ditch.  Art!

In a more normal orientation

Finally -

Your Humble Scribe is currently watching both "Sweet Home" and "The Thin Red Line" and Dog Buns! just accidentally caught an intriguing trailer for another Netflix film - "Leave The World Behind", which is yet another call on my limited time.  Don't these people realise I have a world to take over?