I bet you're sitting there, smugly telling yourself that you know what BOOJUM! is referring to as soon as you read today's title.
WRONG, because I made it up out of whole cloth. No! it is not "Detective Comics Extended Universe" (that's what the "D.C." means lest ye be unaware). It is, instead, "Dolorous Comics Extreme Un-unction" and I'll put it in Fuschia just for creative symmetry. Art!
Let it be said here that nobody has a problem with the animated "Justice League" films that come out of DC, as they can concentrate on plot, storyline and characters, rather than worrying about hiving off $100 million in post-production to a clutch of special-effects contract agencies.
Here I give a shout out to vlogger Ryan Kinel, of the Youtube channel "Ryan Kinel - RK Outpost", with the caveat that he uses the word 'woke' too often and likes to gloat about besting the 'mainstream media'. His vlogs are habitually concise, rarely clocking over six minutes, so they don't eat into your day too much. Art!
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| CAUTION! Swears sometimes |
Now to the meat of the matter. RK floated an idea on a recent vlog that Warner Studios are in very big financial trouble, with rumours in the industry that they are vulnerable to bankruptcy. He did qualify this by adding that these are unconfirmed rumours with no factual backing, yet it's worrying for the studio if such slurs are circulating at all. Such gossip affects shareholder confidence and their stock market valuation, two things no studio wants to suffer.
So, Conrad's Disaster Antennae went a-twitching. Should we investigate further? Why, yes, of course - obviously! - we should, in no uncertain terms.
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| Conrad looking enthused |
We're going to assay the DC films on release this year, and assume that on average they spent $150 million on combined advertising, promotion - and distribution. This last factor is not a value Disney has to pay for as they do their own distribution. I will also include two Box Office Return values, one reflecting DC getting 50% of the box office receipts, the other 33%. Let the audit begin!
BLUE BEETLE: That's the thing about introducing a character like this, who is out of the mainstream (you know, Supes, Batty, Hawky*). You have to go through a whole gamut of Origins Story before you can begin telling the Superhero Story, which takes up running time. Art!
Hands up those who knew about Jaime Reyes or Ted Kord? Yeah, thought so, none. This puppy cost $104 million, adding in the APD retainer that boosts it to $254 million in costs. Hang on, let's do this more formally.
BUDGET (Inc. APD): $254 million
DOMESTIC BOX OFFICE: $73 million
GLOBAL BOX OFFICE: $57 million
GROSS: $130 million
50% RETURN:$65 million
33% RETURN: $43 million
BOTTOM LINE: $39 or $87 million
You might come to an aggregate between those two Return figures and guesstimate that it lost around $60 million. Any way this is sliced it's not good!
SHAZAM: FURY OF THE GODS: Conrad thinks this one might have been hit by the 'Where do we go from here?' syndrome, which is a thing afflicting over-mighty superheroes (Captain Marvel are you listening?). Essentially, in Film One you ramp it up to eleven, and are then left trying to manage eleven-and-a-half on Film Two. There is no suspense or excitement left. Art!
BUDGET (Inc. APD): $275 million
DOMESTIC BOX OFFICE: $58 million
GLOBAL BOX OFFICE: $76 million
GROSS: $134 million
50% RETURN: $58 million
33% RETURN: $45 million
BOTTOM LINE: $58 or $89 million
Another Ooops moment. Conrad, looking into his crystal dodecahedron (globes are soooo last millenium) confidently predicts that we will not see a "Shazam 3 Anger Of The Accountants". Art!
THE FLASH: O boy did this one come in for an avalanche of criticism. For one thing the star, one Ezra Miller, came with a whole boatload of problems from the real world, which makes audiences distinctly disinclined to pony up cash to see a rapscallion being paid tens of millions, encumbered by very dodgy special effects. Not that I've actually seen this farrago, nor do I intend to; Conrad has gratefully allowed other, braver, people to do the heavy-duty watching for me.
BUDGET (Inc. APD): $450 million
DOMESTIC BOX OFFICE: $108 million
GLOBAL BOX OFFICE: $162 million
GROSS: $270 million
50% RETURN: $135 million
33% RETURN: $90 million
BOTTOM LINE: $315 or $360 million
Zounds! You can see that even making $275 million at the box office, even if it's a large sum, isn't anywhere near anywhere near breaking even for this turkey.
So, the bottom line, even with the most generous interpretation of box office takings, is $412 million, potentially as bad as $536 million. As Ryan says, this may not be bad enough to bankrupt the studio, but you cannot deny it's bad enough. The only reason their figures aren't as high as Disney is due to the smaller flock numbers in their bunch of turkeys this year. Plus WB don't have theme parks to help buoy up their business takings.
O and not to harp on (much!) but "Aquaman And The Lost Kingdom" will hit the buffers at $365 million total, thus requiring $730 million merely to break even. Erk.
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| "Things aren't looking too good, in case you hadn't heard ..." explained Jason |
How To Recover A Large Expensive Aircraft -
When it doesn't land on a runway. Your errant aircraft may have landed in a field due to an emergency, or it may have overshot the runway, and now it needs to be recovered. Because it's potentially several hundred million pounds-worth of capital investment is why. Art!
This is a South Canadian Navy PO-8 Poseidon - heyyyy, going with the Aquaman theme here, and yes this is in Hawaii, Jason's home turf - that overshot the runway and ended up in the drink.
Not ones to be discouraged or disheartened, the South Canadians put into practice that saying of theirs, "Git 'r' done". Art!
Note here the giant inflatable rubber blivets being snuck under the fuselage and inflated, to give the bird buoyancy. These may have been designed for just such a job - one would hope not, it implies lots of these accidents occur - or they're improvising. Art!
Here you can see the winching-ashore is working and it's now closer to the water's edge. This is time-lapsed and took ages in real life. Conrad guesses the floating booms are there to keep foreign objects away from the fuselage and prevent damage. Art!
Even more blivets. The Poseidon has now been dragged up onto the shore at rear. Looking good! Art?
Nearly there. Pay attention to the low light level, as the sun has now set and the shades of night are falling. The salvage team are probably grateful that they're now out of the water. Art!
All done. In contrast, from three months ago ... Art!
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| I think they have signs up describing the 'Tourist attraction' |
Liar Liar, Pants - In Fact Entire Wardrobe - On Fire
I shall keep this short and sweet, as you've probably heard the outline of the case against Rudy Giuliani, the disgraced lawyer and ex-Mayor of New York. He's been sued in court for defamation of two election workers, and DOG BUNS! did the jury drop a legal anvil from him from a mile up. Art!
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| There, there. Don't cry, Rudy. |
$148 million in combined compensatory and punitive damages. Whew! It was interesting to see Lisa Rubin explain why the compensation amounts were so large: $16 million each for defamation. This is the amount it would take to mount a campaign across South Canada to restore their pre-defamation status. Then they got another $20 million for emotional distress - which included having to move house, quit their jobs and be alert thanks to the multiple death threats received.
O and the punitive damages? A swingeing $72 million, in order to persuade other bloviating Pumpkinhead bootlickers to keep their flapping pieholes shut. Art!
"City In The Sky"
The Doctor, thanks to Alex's timely intervention, has both saved his own skin and revealed the sinister alien catspaw who had been attempting murder all along.
The rest of the lecture ran slowly, as other coasties and Euclans came
in to listen, passing on information to each other on what had been happening
to Don and the Doctor and Ben and Alex and Mike –
The mythical “Death-sats” took a little explaining, until the Doctor
ferretted out the fact that Don as Mayor habitually received the courier mails
before anyone else, and did judicious pruning and editing to prevent the
revelation that other Australian communities were beginning to progress beyond
horse-and-cart technology. Alex backed
this up by explaining that the Americans had been talking via radio links for
seven years.
‘There’s also a clue in your cemetery,’ added the Doctor, remembering
that unusually bright badge of trade. ‘
“Patutastas Aparatista” is Tagalog for “Radio Operator”, and Tagalog is only
spoken in the Phillipines. At a guess, a
ship from the Phillipines came dangerously close to making contact with your
coastal communities, so our alien residents destroyed it.’ After a pause he added another four words
guaranteed to arouse strong emotions.
‘As they did Forrest.’
O that's going to put cats amongst pigeons. Or tigers amongst turkeys.
Success!
You will be delighted to know, as am I, that the experiment with Canderel as a partial substitute for sugar in my much-loved Yoghurt and Raspberry ice cream worked pretty well. Art!
Unlike last month's ice-encrystalled unpleasantness, this one is smooth and ice-free, able to be scooped with a stout spoon without resort to hammer and chisel. Conrad will have to be abstemious in consuming this stuff as it does have about half a teaspoon of sugar in a bowlful, which should make it last longer.
Finally -
Hmmmm I have waffled and wibbled at length today and now must take my leave for the Book Mountain never gets any lower, nor does the Foothill Of DVDs, and there's a mound of MENs with Codewords and Crosswords to be done, not to mention extensive Youtube vlogs bookmarked under Favourites and there's still the world to be taken over. Art!
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| It'll do until something better comes along. |
* Hawkgirl NOT Hawkeye. Wrong cinematic universe. Lose 10 points.
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