No! We Are Not Talking About Cuts Of Meat Here
Conrad prefers the medallion as a cut anyway, you don't have to pay for a load of bone that needs cutting out because you can't eat it unless you have carborundum-tipped teeth and jaw muscles made of sapphire nanotubes. Art!
Ah. Apparently sapphire and nanotubes are a thing.
ANYWAY let me regale you with the story of a Quoran epic about how malicious intent ended up with someone getting the chop*. Original Poster worked in an unidentified business, which we will decide was computer coding, because Conrad understands nothing about it and it seems like witchcraft. OP's colleague, Cheating Bottomhole, stole OP's idea and presented it to senior management as Their Very Own, probably whilst tweaking their moustache and cackling.
There's the first problem. Art!
CB was woefully under-qualified and under-experienced to deliver this project, which OP knew. Despite this CB decided to lord it over OP, boasting how this project was going to cement his position as management material, get Vice-President status, a seat on the board, a place at the country club, etcetera, etcetera. Art!
- whilst OP would be an entry-level minion for the rest of his natural.
OP and his boss were careful to avoid being landed with the requirement to actually implement this Computer Coding Conundrum, which CB tried to off-load frantically, desperately and repeatedly.
The CCC failed. Higher-ups scrutineered the whole process and suddenly CB is off 'To explore new options and challenges' which in This Sceptred Isle we call FIRED.
Of course it doesn't end there, or it would be a very short Intro. OP came across an Old Colleague years later, who mentioned Cheating Bottomhole thanks to his unusual name. It transpires that CB had been inveigling (not a word you expected to see today) OC into sabotaging his system so CB could sweep in to dave the say and blame - oops! Sorry - save the day and blame OP for messing up. Art!
OC mentioned this tale because only recently he'd been in a MacDonalds, where guess who was behind the counter? NO! Not Lord Lucan. Cheating Bottomhole.
O? enquired OP. Was he a manager?
No, informed OC. He was a lowly MacDonald's server. This was about ten years after he got sacked from the computer coding position, so his meteoric rise to management stardom had come a bit of a cropper, nicht wahr?
Motley! Speed trial, the first to down 10 Big Macs is the winner!
More Of Chopping
In this case, of heads, not edible cuts of meat. We've already touched on why the M8s introduced the guillotine, because it substituted a single method of execution for the somewhat bewildering array of methods our French cousins used to resort to for different capital offences.
Today Conrad found out that the pre-guillotine method of execution for the nobility was not merely decapitation, but decapitation with a specially-designed sword. Art!
As you can see, it was a two-handed sword, because that way the executioner could really put his back into it and a nice, heavy blade like this would slice the old turnip off more efficiently than our inefficient Anglo-Saxon axe.
That this was an especially hallowed ceremonial sword is evident by the fact that it has no point - it could not be used as a stabbing weapon in crude crass physical combat. Not only that, it has holes drilled in the end of the blade, meaning that you'd need to cut half a foot off in order to create a point for it to be any use in combat. Art!
Not sure which is worse, this or the guillotine.
Apropos Of Nothing Special
Your Humble Scribe has been watching DVDs I got from the PDSA charity shop in Lesser Sodom - at 5 for £1 it would be rude not to buy them - and is quietly gloating about getting "The Way To The Stars" and "Henry V", because getting any film before 1990 in a charity shop is rare. I bet both of the above came from the same donor.
ANYWAY I was also watching 'Doctor Who', in Freema Agyeman's debut series. Art!
As you may somewhat cringeily be aware, Conrad has a weakness for clever women <sighs wistfully about Liz Shaw>, and here we have a medical student about to become a doctor (small 'D'). They work a few in-jokes about doctors into the script such a
ANYWAY I just wanted to point out the excellent 'Feline' makeup for the characters in "Gridlock", notably Brannigan. Art!
"That's Thomas Kincaid Brannigan to you, Conrad."
The actor behind the make-up is Ardal O'Hanlon, and it sounds unmistakeably like Ardal O'Hanlon, yet he can still put facial expressions across. Art!
The world's most lovable pillock
"The Sea Of Sand"
The Doctor is plotting, without giving too much detail away, and we are going to cut back to dusty old planet Earth and the Libyan desert.
‘Can you operate this equipment?’
asked one of the escorting Farmers.
Taking
in the big panels, with their coding, lettering, symbols and schematics, the
Doctor nodded confidently.
‘Oh
yes! The trick lies not in knowing how
to operate this equipment, it’s in finding out how to remotely operate other
trans-mats.’
He
had told several of the elected leaders amongst the rebels what he intended to
do, which had impressed and alarmed them.
Enough to insist he took an escort with him.
As
luck would have it, one of the castle’s unarmed staff survived: an
Administrator. He was brought before the
Doctor, who looked keenly at the frightened alien.
‘I
want to know which large-scale trans-mat was used to send an Infiltration
Complex to Target World Fourteen. I want
to know if it can be re-activated. Can
it?’
Twenty Seven: Apres moi, la deluge
Electrically-detonated,
the mad Doctor Smith had said. There was
a long wire soldered to one of the blank cartridges, ending with two crocodile
clips. That must get attached to a
battery.
Greatly
daring, Roger took ten minutes to open up the Bedford’s bonnet, wrenching out
various bits of radiator and piping until he’d cleared a space big enough for
the tarpaulin-wrapped bomb to sit. He
then attached the crocodile clips to the starter motor, which got broken open
with the butt-end of a rifle.
Roger! I know a radium-based fissile weapon ought not to work, but you really are taking liberties!
En Passant
Yes, it's French, and translated from the M8 it means 'In Passing', it being a French term used in chess, where opposing pawns mutually destroy each other. Conrad, however, mentions it because on a social media page - Quora, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, take your pick - he read a line about how Mao <thinks> Zedong was mad keen on building dams. Art!
You know BOOJUM! and how we love love love stories about dams. Rest assured Your Humble Scribe is going to go away and do a bit of digging about this theme. O yes indeed, Apollo Creed.
* This means they were SACKED. SACKED SACKED SACKED. None of that namby-pamby South Canadian 'Let go' here.
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