No, You May Not Call Me A 'Hound Dog'
Although Conrad is slightly confused as to what else one may be called whilst still being a dog. A Fish Dog? A Cetacean Dog? A Nudibranch Pseudo-Coelenterate Dog*?
ANYWAY we are going to be addressing the South Canadian legal system, of which Your Humble Scribe is far more aware than the British version, for various reasons. One reason is that I follow Devin Stone, a South Canadian attorney, who has his own Youtube channel titled "Legal Eagle". Art!
Close enough
Okay! For here we are going to cover the hilariously inept exploits of the legal team supposedly representing Darth Marmalade in a civil court case brought against him by E. Jean Carroll, due to start on Tuesday 25th April. There are two parts to the suit: one for defamation, and another for sexual battery (don't fret we shan't be touching that one with a barge-pole tied to another barge-pole). Hey Mister Tiny Hands, Art needs a picture.
Sophisticated, that's us
About the defamation charge - DJ Orange claimed that his original speech about EJC was covered by Executive Privilege, since he made it whilst Prez.
Maybe so, except he then goes and repeats it verbatim on social media AS A PRIVATE CITIZEN.
ANYWAY it has been decided that the jury for this trial are going to be anonymous, thanks to DJ Tango's penchant for doxxing people who are not him or his slavering minions. Bear this in mind.
Attorneys Joe Tacopina and Alina Habba then present Judge Kaplan, presiding over the trial, with a petition to delay it, because DJ Satsuma is currently in the headlines for abusing campaign finance laws, and they want things to cool down before the trial proceeds. Judge Kaplan, probably aware that Trump attorneys seek to delay, delay and delay again, informs them that the two trials have 0% in common and that jury selection will begin on 25th April. Art!
JK Growling
JT and AH then trawl social media to find all the nasty mean people saying horrid things about Citizen Trump, which they print off and take to the judge, saying "Look! Look! These people are being awful! We must have the jury details so we can ensure none of these bottomholes end up sitting in judgement on Pre - on Citizen Trump."
NO replies the judge. Darth Marmalade has a habit of threatening jurors, judges, courts, public officials, federal employees, Smokey The Bear and Grandma Clampett. Art!
Hmmmm one to be wary of
Joe, ever the trier, comes back with: "You need me on the jury selection panel".
NO! replied the judge. Darth Marmalade has a habit of threatening jurors, judges, courts, public officials, federal employees, Smokey The Bear and perhaps not Grandma Clampett because she has a 30.06.
Joe, trying reallllly hard, comes back with: "You really, really need to have me involved in the whole jury selection process to the point of seeing them all face-to-face and taking photographs of them along with fingerprints, DNA evidence and twenty-four point background checks." Art!
0Joe's unique 'hands-on' approach to incriminating documents
Judge Kaplan pointed out, in citric legal prose, that Joe had not been present at the Jury Selection Process meeting two weeks prior, when all these issues had been explained. Joe No Go.
Conrad wonders if the trial will be settled at the very last minute. Watch this space!
Well Yes Of Course He Does
You may have seen Conrad's somewhat gobsmacked reports on Wrexham Ballfoot Club, and how they got back into the Ballfoot League, and how their owners were a South Canadian and a British American. Here's the British American. Art!
The Sky At Night
No, this item is not about the television program on astronomy as fronted by Sir Patrick Moore for decades and decades (about fifty-five years). Rather, it is about the end of that film "2010" which we mentioned in yesteryon's blog. Art!
The thing is, those inscrutable aliens who transform Jupiter into a pocket star haven't taken into consideration the sensibilities of terrestrial astronomers, because they are going to be very hard put to detect stars by physical observational methods. 'Jupiter' is going to flood the heavens with so much illumination that visual observation of distant astronomical objects will become impossible.
This is possibly balanced-out by the practical observations of the Sol-Jupiter solar system suddenly becoming a binary star, where the Gallilean moons survive and become a miniature solar system of their own.
Of course, I might be overthinking this .....
The 'Leonov' undergoes aerobraking
Interesting to see a film thirteen years in the past achieve waaaaaay beyond what we can manage now. Sorry, Arthur!
"The Sea Of Sand"
Having experienced hi-jinks on Wastelandworld, we are now back to humble Planet Earth, and a little contention between our gallant human survivors.
Twenty Eight: The Idea, The Time
‘There
are only six of us left, and you and the Professor are not soldiers,’ carped
Roger.
‘Neither
you nor Templeman are soldiers, and there are only six of us,’ grumbled
Dominione.
‘Oh
really! You two are the living end!’
snapped Sarah, quite convinced that her idea was being stalled simply because
she was a woman. ‘I am quite capable of
driving a truck, or pointing a gun if it comes to that.’
On
cue, the two officers exchanged looks.
‘Sarah,’
said Roger, trying to remain patient.
‘Those monsters know where we are.
We have killed a considerable number of them, quite besides the
slaughter inflicted by those Blenheim bombers we saw. They are going to be out for our blood! You cannot simply decide to march into Makin
Al-Jinni and declare that you want Doctor Smith returned.’
Tenente
Dominione was more subtle.
‘At
which point does this present, this time, our here-and-now, become the one you
want it to be? How do you know? How do you know that Dottore Smith going
missing is not how the future ought to be?’
Ah, profound perceptions there.
Rolling, Rolling, Roeling
Yes, it's our favourite ancient and medieval historian sitting in judgement on Hollywood et al trying to make things look cooler than they really were. Art!
Conrad has never heard of this, and can only consider it a prequel to "A Dance To The Music Of Time", except that since ADTTMOT takes place in the twentieth century, this is probably not an accurate analogy. Art!
Absolutely accurate. This 'wedge'-shaped excision into the fortification walls means that archers can move across 900 to shoot at their foe, but it's ridiculously difficult to hit that slit if you're firing back. Art!
Roel is a bit scathing about the simplicity of the defensive works here, accusing the defenders of - er - sitting down and doing crosswords for five hundred years. I think you should have tried harder, folks. Art!
Or, as he suggests, include defensive works that allow all-round defence, so you can pick the enemy off at the base of your wall and prevent them from swarming up your rather pathetic defence. Art!
Chaps, go hang your heads in shame. IN SHAME!
Right, better go re-pimp the blog. Tot Siens!
* One hundred brownie points if you spotted the John Wyndham reference there
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