Well I Think It's Witty And That's What Counts
Part Three of what? I hear you quirk, to which the answer is the rest of a very long list of business failures carried out by DJ Trump. I am, of course - obviously! - skimming lightly o'er the details, as each of them would make up a whole Intro in themselves. Art!
Just because
Trump Vodka Apparently getting shafted in the beer business wasn't enough to put DJ Jumpsuit Trump off from trying to butt into the spirit business, and we are talking % proof spirits, not seances. The drink was a mediocre vodka that sold at premium prices and went out of business in 2011. Art!
Bottles of it are now so rare that they've become collectible and I've seen a flavoured version (orange, of course!) going for £1,600. How ineluctably ironic. Don't give up, Don, there's still Trump Wine and Trump Cider you could try.
Trump Steaks because what the heck why not? These were very pricey steaks, sold alongside burgers and sausages, on two shopping channels, QVC and The Sharper Image. You got four steaks and 12 burgers for $199. The arrangement was that they would be trialled for three months, but sales were practically nil and both channels discontinued the line after eight weeks. Art!
Incidentally, the Trump Steakhouse in Las Vegas was shut down for over 50 Health Code violations, including parasite-riddled halibut, five-month old duck and mouldy yoghurts. Yum!
In a blind test of various brands, one citric comment about Trump Steaks was 'This cow should be ashamed' and the brand's finest moment was undoubtedly being skitted on "Saturday Night Live". Art!
 |
| DJT probably failed to see the inherent humour |
He sold it in 2022 and it's now a Waldorf-Astoria.
From The Desk Of Donald J Trump You'd need a good memory to recall this particular website, because it was gone in less than a month, and I mean gone completely, it's not even archived. It was launched with much fanfare after DJ Apricot Trump got booted from Twitter and Facebook, and consisted of his rambling incoherent thoughts. Art!
The traffic on-site was extremely low, and it had only 50,000 followers, which might sound like a lot but this is compared to the tens of millions matey had on Twitter. Shortly after his blog folded ignominously, along came Truth Social, the Twitter clone that has a raft of problems itself. Gee, this guy has the Sadim Touch!
Trump Real Estate This is the only business that DJ Carrot Trump has actually been successful at - up to a point, as the New York District Attorney Letitia James is pursuing a civil case against matey for business fraud, carrying at least $250 million in fines if found guilty. Art!
Coming soon - the "Lettie And Donnie Show"!
There you go, Mister Six Bankruptcies and counting. I think we're done with this topic, but 2024 may see more entries ...
Qui Ipsos Custodes
As you should surely know by now, Conrad hates Latin with a passion, but this phrase ("Who watches the watchmen?") seemed fitting.
Let us meet Thomas and Rosemarie Uva. Tom was a convicted felon who persuaded his wife to abet him in his latest criminal enterprise: robbing members of the Mafia. Art!
This, initially, wasn't the suicidal act you might imagine, because Tommy boy targeted known Mafia social clubs, where Mob law held that nobody could enter armed. Tom persuaded patrons to part with cash by waving an Uzi submachine-gun under their noses, well aware that these people weren't going to go running to the police to tattle on him. Exactly how many clubs he robbed is up for question; at least four and maybe as many as ten, with Rosie acting as his getaway driver.
They took the pitcher to the well once too often, and a clutch of angry gangsters got Rosie's licence plate details.
Ooops.
After that things went exactly as you'd expect; both were shot dead as they drove to do Christmas shopping, by people who were mysteriously unseen by any witnesses. Moral of the story: Don't rob the Mob.
"The Sea Of Sand"
The Doctor is giving his bio-vore audience a good telling-off, and trying to change their view of the world.
‘Allow me to explain,’ continued
Thedoctor. ‘I managed to escape from the
cells underneath Lord Sur’s castle, by smashing the cell walls with a
prosthesis. An artificial bone, created
and utilised by your ancestors five thousand years ago. Your long-dead relatives knew how to mend and
maintain the bio-vore body, and so can you.
Medicine! The usage of
pharmeceuticals to balance the body’s internal chemistry. Surgery!
Physical manipulation of the body proper, the better to repair it.’
Imgelissa and his compatriots looked at each other in slow, treacly understanding: a bio-vore injured was not mere Evisceration fodder. To fall ill was not – ought not – to be an automatic sentence of death. A Farmer who was not well might very well get better and perform mighty deeds.
A
revolution in progress! he enthused, before taking stock more empirically. In progress here, perhaps, at this part of
the littoral. At this part of the
littoral, in progress until swamped by the response of other, less-threatened
aristocrats.
Tactics matter as much as morals, hmmm?
Back To Roel!
Our favourite history professor will never lack material as long as Hollywood et al continue to try and fake ancient and medieval historical battles. Art!
Unsportingly, Roel points out that there was a siege of Limoges, not a battle. The English laid siege to the town, stormed it and, as was the practice, killed everyone and burned the town to ashes. Art!
"I have a death wish!" shouted the lone English soldier
Roel succinctly points out that this bloke is on a hiding to nothing. He runs out into the river, away from his comrade's ranks, against an enormous mass of armoured knights. What was he thinking? Art!
Why do they have orders to hold the bridge? Because as can be clearly seen in the picture above, the river is so shallow it can be forded. The English can cross it without needing the bridge.
The Judgement Of Roel:
"Because they got the date right"
You What?
The following sidebar title caught my eye -
Not Gary
This is another such sculpture made by the same person, seen travelling to Cumbria. So, not Gary.
Why anyone would go to such lengths to steal a giant fibreglass gorilla is quite perplexing and nobody has come up with any compelling reason. Not only that, these castings aren't exactly common so once it's out in the open - well, it's kind of hard to miss.
Finally -
A notable headline on the BBC's News website. Art!
That's a two-fingered salute to Peter The Average. The Ruffians have expended 1,200 missiles and drones against the Ukrainian energy grid, yet have failed to freeze or faze them. The Ukes have gotten skilled in downing incoming missiles and drones, their winter was mild and millions of refugees meant a far lower demand for electricity. Plus, as I keep saying, they aren't simply brave and clever, they are good at improvising. Take that, Quivering Table-Wrestler!
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