More Dog Analogies

In This Case -

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks", meaning that old people are utterly set in their ways, thus they can't or won't adapt anything new, because they are crusty dinosaurs with calcified brains.

     HA!  Art?

     Here we have my i-pod linked to the Humungous New (Actually Pre-Owned, that horrid South Candian-ism they use instead of 'Second Hand) television, which worked, rather to my surprise.  The album tracks seem to be in completely random order, and if they are then fair enough, though Your Humble Scribe will attempt to see if there's any rhyme or reason behind said order.

     Now, what was that about old dogs again?

     That has to have been the shortest Intro in years. 

"Escape Room"

SPOILING STUFF AHEAD

YOU OUGHT TO BE USED TO THESE WARNINGS BY NOW

DON'T BLAME ME

     Okay, Conrad has detailed each of the Rooms Of Doomly Death, and the many tons of equipment needed to provide the necessary heating, freezing and liquids by the ton.  All at the very top of a skyscraper fifteen storeys high, with no freight elevator.  It must have taken weeks to transport and assemble all six room's components, plus all the required plumbing and wiring and reinforcement.

     SPOILERY BIT HERE - and Zoey worked out that the rooms are intended to kill at least one person per room; the end result is that EVERYONE is supposed to die.  Art!

Victim Number One

     Got that?  Thus the designers and builders and electricians and joiners and <long list redacted in the interest of brevity> ARE NEVER UNDER TIME PRESSURE.  They can take as long as they want to dismantle and remove everything and nobody would think twice about witnessing an apparent building renovation.  Right?  However, by the time Ben and Zoey return with a posse of police, everything has been stripped bare and a ton of rubbish left instead.  HOW DID THEY HAVE TIME TO DO THAT!?  Nor do the police bother to try entering via the exit that both Ben and Zoey left through.  

"We heard there was a plot hole"

     Finally, we have a deus ex machina moment at the end, where the Escape Rooms have been orchestrated by an enormous global conspiracy with infinite power and money etcetera et-flipping-cetera, so there is no way out ever.

     Conrad is frothing with righteous anger, because enough of you went out and watched this film to ensure it has a sequel.  

CONRAD IS ANGRY!

Keep That Frothing Nitric Ire In Mind

Conrad is out of crosswords and codewords as found in the M.E.N. and has had to resort to his book of codewords.  I solved one that only had a single letter as the clue - "O".  What was that saying about dogs again?

     However! Your Humble Scribe came ready, with notes I'd made previously, so prepare your minds for a new scale of scientific val - oops, no, sorry, that's "Forbidden Planet", isn't it?  Prep yer minds anyways.

"BASILICA": It's a good job I'm typing this, not speaking aloud, since I'd be gurgling with rancour and pretty incomprehensible.  Or more than usual.  What is a Basilica?  Well, first off, it's nothing to do with that critter from Harry Potter, that's a basilisk, except that it kind of does.

     "We're confused, Conrad," I hear you quibble.  Hey, welcome to my world!  Okay, okay, a Basilica was a Roman administrative building of a particular design, which took it's name from the Greek 'Basilike oikia", which means "King's House".  Art!

A basilica

      The Basilisk takes it's name from the Greek - yes, again - and 'Basiliskos' which means 'Royal Child'.  Don't ask me why a monster gets such a flattering description.  Art!

"PLEB":  What, MORE Roman stuff?  This is an abbreviation of the term "PLEBIAN", which INEVITABLY is from the Latin <hack spit> 'Plebeius' which means 'Of the people'.  Usually meant in a derogatory sense when used in the present day, implying that the recipient is uncultured, boorish, ill-mannered and probably a fan of the ballfoot game to boot.  Art!

Plebs being naughty
(I think)

"PROXIMAL":  According to my Collins Concise, a term used in anatomy: 'Situated close to the centre, median line or point of attachment" WHAT ARE WE SUDDENLY MEDICAL EXPERTS NOW?  Art!

Proxima Centauri.  Close enough*.

Let's Mix It Up With A Touch Of Terror and "Tormentor"!

No, you don't get to choose.  Once again, whose blog is it?  

‘Get along with you,’ ordered the man, scowling suspiciously at Louis, then walking backwards to peer around the pine trees.  Obviously he didn’t see anything odd, out of place or missing, so he followed Louis at a distance.

               Louis turned back at the cemetery gate.  Yes, the withered, rotten animated corpse could still be seen, mindlessly gyrating on the tombstone.  Shivering, he left and walked home.

 

               The contrastingly attractive and wholesome, not to mention whole, spirit of Jennifer didn’t arrive until the evening, and refused to move near him until he removed the silver bracelet and put it away in a drawer.

               ‘One slip with that and I’d be history.  This may only be a half-life but I want it better than none.’

               ‘You can see it in action tomorrow,’ he warned her.  ‘Because today I came across one of the monsters our mutual friend described.’

               ‘Wow!  Where?’

               ‘In the cemetery at Saint Aidan’s.’

               ‘Really?  Cool!  Hey, why didn’t you use your magic monster-slaying bracelet on it there and then?’

               ‘I was too scared,’ confessed Louis.  ‘It took me by surprise.  The damn thing looked like it stepped out of “Dawn of the Dead”.  Not only that, a highly suspicious gravedigger kept me under observation.’

               Nothing would do then but for Louis to recount exactly how the hideous scarecrow looked, with gestures.

               ‘You ought to go back and punch it with your silver bracelet.’

               Louis shuddered.

               ‘No way!  It’s cloudy and dark already, it’ll be dark in an hour and I’m not going back into a cemetery at night to take on a horrorshow.’

               Jen’s face exhibited mischief.  She vanished from the lounge.  Five minutes later she reappeared in the kitchen.

               ‘Coo, it isn’t pleasant, is it?’ she said.  Louis dropped the plate he’d been drying.

               ‘Do you mind?’ he barked.  ‘After that surprise this afternoon my nerves are not good.’

     Ah, Luma, they do say that curiosity killed the cat.  You just had to go and nosey, didn't you?               

How Dangerous Is This Lighthouse?

This one looks promising, it's away in the Baltic off the Estonian coast.  Art!

     Note that Estonian is similar to Finnish, as those double vowels will have tipped you off.  Okay, this 82 foot reinforced concrete structure was put up in 1933, since when the tides and erosion have had a dramatic effect on it.  Art!

Behold the Leaning Lighthouse

     The beach it was situated on has succumbed to the tides and, from being firmly based on dry land, the LL is now in the water as much as it's out of it.  Due to the increasing degree of pitch, it was deactivated in 1992.  When it falls over will it make a sound if there's nobody around?  Art!

All forlorn

     Okay, pretty dangerous.

Finally -

That's us at 1,200 words, so we've hit the Compositional Ton (Corrected), as track FVML No Album is playing, a catchy six-minute electronic instrumental I am doomed to never identify <sad face>

     Cheerio chaps!

*  In-joke for the astronomers out there.