Fly Like A Beagle

Don't Worry, Just A Flight Of Fancy

Your Humble Scribe isn't about to start pitching puppies off roofs to see how well they can flap their ears and fly.  Although the beagle looks as if it ought to be able to fly, because if an elephant can, then a far smaller creature with less loading per ear should be able to, nicht wahr?

My work here is done

     Of course there are those amongst you who believe I mis-typed and meant "Fly like an eagle" <finger hovers over Remote Nuclear Detonator>, but they have learned to keep their mouths shut whilst they still have them.  What I was going gradually to shade into was Devin Stone's catchphrase on his Youtube channel: 'Time to think like a lawyer'.  His channel is called 'Legal Eagle', which is close enough to a beagle.

     <excuse me whilst I go down and stir the stew>

     "We're confused," I hear you quote.  "Kindly explain, O Snowy Haired Expositor."

     O go on then.  We are returning to the recent ruling against Cyber Ninjas, the incredibly inept business that took on an audit of the Maricopa County ballots of the 2020 South Canadian election, when they had 0% experience of same.  It took them six months to declare that they hadn't found any voter fraud.  This wasn't a great surprise; it was the fourth count of the ballots since election day.  Art!

0 bamboo fibres found

    Well well well, what have we here but a filing from The Arizona Republic requesting public records be released to them, and Cyber Ninjas ignoring a Judge's order for said records to be released.  This has led to a potentially enormous fine being levied upon CN - over £4 million - 

"HOW much!?" asked Mister CN

     - which the company tried to avoid by stating that it had sacked everyone, so there was no CN left to pay.  Judge Hannah, for that is his name, then said he would go after named individuals to recoup the fines, if CN attempted to dodge payment.

     In another twist, the Cyber Ninjas attorney tried to wriggle out of representing the company, saying he hadn't been paid, it didn't exist as a company any longer and that it wasn't fair and he was going to stamp his foot until he got his way.  Judge Hannah simply said 'No'.  Art!

Smiley Judge Hannah

     The grumpy attorney then tried to play stupid with the judge and the court proceedings, at which point he was warned to stop 'trolling' or risk a charge of contempt of court.  Trolling a judge is hugely unwise as they are the Big Dog in a courtroom and contempt can bring prison and fines, which doesn't look good on a CV*.  Mister Angry Attorney then tried to have the Arizona Supreme Court shut down the nasty Judge, and was told O is that a bike? then get on it.  Dearie me, a lawyer suffering money AND legal troubles, is that an echoing silence I hear in response?

     There will doubtless be updates on this, just not especially soon, since South Canadian justice grinds on slowly.  Lay in popcorn for the future!

Due about £1.5 million in fines each

Conrad Is Seething, Positively Seething

I know, I know, 'how can we tell the difference?'  Take it from me, the enchanting purple colouration of my face is a good indicator, yes By Jove Michael Gove.  For we are back to Codewords, and - let's just say it's a good thing my wits are sharp, because these compilers are really treading a fine line - in fact they are trolling me.  That's the word.  Let me begin the manifestation of misery.

"EXCHEQUER": Not one but TWO of the least-used words in a Codeword, in a word that only get trotted out on Budget Day, when people fear what the Chancellor of the Exchequer is going to do to the price of gin.  Inevitably, he will raise it, the swine.  "The accounting department of the Treasury" by my Collins Concise, from the Old French 'Eschequier', meaning 'checkered', because back in medieval times they apportioned the money out on a checkered cloth.  Art!

Thus

"RENEGE":  Your Humble Scribe only knows this word because it's one of the technical titles for a particular action on our old staff database at work.  In real life it means "To go back on one's word".  How many of you out there knew that?  Don't all shout at once.  Anyone?  At all?  Thought not.  Art!

Arch-reneger Benedict Arnold**

"SYNAGOGUE": HA!  Caught you out, because I'd been going on about field synagogues in the Finnish Army of the Second Unpleasantness.  It comes, not from Hebrew but the Greek "Sunagoge", meaning 'A gathering.'  Art!

Turku, Suomi

Moving On -

Which the spirit in this case has most definitely not - yes, more of "Tormentor".

With a start, Louis woke up to darkness.  Jen had gone. 

               ‘Ohh, damn.  Sherry on empty stomach.’

               A blanket from the bedroom covered him, and a hot water bottle had been placed over that.

               ‘Thanks,’ he said, even if the photo of Jackie faced into the room.  Too comfortable to move, he merely set his wristwatch for an early start.

 

 

FIVE

 

Both morning and afternoon of the Thursday were taken up with English classes, dealing with Twentieth Century literature.  Louis frankly detested Chaucer and Shakespeare, having endured both at A level and with his degree, and he felt a positive enthusiasm when dealing with Dickens or Dostoevsky.  This term they were reading “Little Dorrit” and “The Devils”, the latter of which he felt to be unpleasantly relevant in terms of his ability, if in title alone.  This class had just begun reading the Russian novel.

               ‘If any of you want to earn real marks in the exam, I would recommend reading a basic history of Tsarist Russia during the late nineteenth century, then re-reading The Devils, then answering questions about Dostoevsky.  Most students avoid The Devils like the plague, so anyone who answers questions about it automatically stand out.’

               ‘Is that a good thing?’ asked a female student, to amused snickers from her fellows.

               ‘Well, standing-out doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re outstanding,’ said Louis, smirking a little at his mock-aphorism.  ‘Damn I’ve mellowed, haven’t I?  Nobody - ’ and he caught a glimpse of Jen at the back of the seminar room, waving and pointing at a male student apparently engrossed in his text.  ‘Caught reading porn in class!’ he finished, loudly.  The errant student suddenly realised that eyes were upon him, flushed red and dropped the unseen reading matter into his rucksack.

               ‘Okay.  For next week, I want four hundred words on your impressions of  The Devil’s first ten chapters.  Nothing in depth, just a taster.  I warn you, your next ten chapters will be completely different.’

               Back in the staffroom, he unwrapped a sandwich he’d discovered ready made-up in the fridge. 

               ‘Hmm.  Ham, cheese and pickle.  Fresh lettuce.  Not bad, not bad,’ he murmured to the room and at least two dozen tutors, Jen loitering amongst them.  She pulled a face.

               ‘Only “not bad”?  Just see what goes on them tomorrow!’

               He winked to thin air, took a couple of bites and announced himself well-satisfied.  A few other staff members looked at him, slightly puzzled, whilst others nodded knowingly: don’t rise to the bait.

     

Finally -

Yes, we are over the Compositional Ton.  Just to let you know that "Sisyphus: The Myth", a Sork sci-fi drama which I am enjoying, has sixteen episodes, each over an hour long, so I've put it on the back burner for a while as I take on a Ruffian apocalyptic drama "To The Lake".

*  'Resume' to our South Canadian cousins.

**  Although it depends which side of the Atlantic you live on