Go To El

No!  That Is Neither An Insult Nor A Mis-Spelling

I refer, of course - obviously! - to my work colleague El, which is short for I'm not going to tell you, as I don't trust you lecherous perverts/perverted lechers/weirdos <delete where applicable>  out there to leave her alone, and besides which I've not asked her if it's okay to include her in.  Thanks, El, for raising the subject of marshmallow root.  Art!

Marshmallow root's a bit dull, frankly.  Have an atomic-powered bomber instead.

     El was singing the praises of Pukka's Marshmallow Root Tea -

     Here an aside.  Yes, already!  "Pukka" comes from the Hindi and can be interpreted as "Solid" or "Genuine", which is where the phrase 'Pukka Sahib' comes from, as in meaning 'A real gentleman'.  There we are, now we are all better informed than we were five minutes ago.  Art!

     - and stated that, way back in the mists of time, people used to make a confection from marshmallow root that was a predecessor to the modern confectionery 'marshmallow'.  Conrad, inevitably, made a note about this in order to look it up later, which I've just done.  Okay, so the M8s ('French' to you) used to use the marshmallow root to create 'Pate de Guimauve' and if that idler Art will put down his plate of coals -

Et voila -

     It could easily be confused for contemporary marshmallow, couldn't it?  Of course I will have to take this on trust THANK YOU DIABETES.  We may come back to Althea Officinalis, to give it the correct taxonomy, as there is more to tell; I just don't want to get you all mallowed-out.

     Motley!  Let's see how well you traverse this handy swamp.  Mind how you go now, and don't marsh wallow.

A Touch Of Doom Is In The Room

For Lo! we are back to 'Escape Room' again, with lots of SPOILERS!  SPOILERY SPOILERS OF SPOIL, SPOILING. Did I mention SPOILERS? We've covered The Hot Room and The Cold Room, we now come to The Upside Down Room, because if you're going to create bonkers escape rooms that kill people, why not?  Art!

Plus the real evil touch: ceaseless elevator muzak

     They have to work out a code to get into a safe and retrieve a doorknob to reach the next room.  O and whenever a dialing tone comes over a phone hanging from the ceiling, a large portion of the floor falls away.  Not sure if I can find a picture of that -

There we are.  Or aren't.

     You can just about tell from this shot that The Upside Down Room is fifteen stories high and a fall from here is going to be fatal.  For all the sadists that designed this room are aware, everyone could have been standing on that floor section, in which case the game would have ended and we'd have a film only 45 minutes long.  One begins to get the feeling that the contestants here have the dice very heavily weighted against them.

     ANYWAY they do escape, thanks to Amanda, who falls to her death because - It's In The Script.  Two down, four left.  Okay, don't forget that all those floor sections will be lying at the bottom of this building, and The Upside Down Room is still there.

Something A Little More Credible

Okay, okay, Your Mileage May Vary.  For Lu*! we have another instalment of "Tormentor" for your delectation, which must be the right word as nobody's complained about how dark and different this story is from the usual nonsense found in BOOJUM!.  So everybody must love it.

“NOT coming with you” read a post-it stuck to the television screen next morning.  Jackie’s photo faced into the room.  Louis’s appetite deserted him the instant he opened the fridge.

               The funeral was a predictably sombre affair, despite the bright blue skies and scudding clouds.  The music played included a song Louis hardly knew, “Brown Eyed Girl” which was by Van Morrison, played at Angela’s request, and another he knew Jen loved to bits, “Follow the Light”.  Once outside, leaves blew across the churchyard, in mad scurries of green and brown, around the pall-bearer’s ankles.  Louis was one, at the insistence of Angela.  He managed to avoid snivelling by concentrating second-by-second on the task at hand.  Dave, Angela’s brother, walked behind Louis.

               ‘See me after,’ he muttered to Louis when the coffin was lowered and people’s attention was elsewhere.

               A group of pupils from Jen’s school had been given permission to attend.  Simon, her gangling and engaging boyfriend, looked utterly stunned, and all the female pupils wept copiously.

               Despite the spirit stating she wouldn’t attend, Louis thought he spotted her off in a corner of the graveyard.  Not that he could check up on her, not with all these witnesses around.

               He hung around the grave until most of the other mourners were gone, allowing Dave to take him aside.

               Louis expected a venemous tongue-lashing, a barrage of hatred for the man responsible, etcetera.

               ‘Listen.  I think I can get a shot at the ******* who did this.  Are you in?’ said Dave in a calm voice that implied he’d given a lot of thought to this project.

               ‘Seriously?  Just give the word!’ hissed Louis.  ‘How I’d love to wrap my fingers around his poxy neck and turn him purple.  In?  Try keeping me out!’

               They exchanged mobile numbers.  To any observers, just two mutual mourners offering each other support in a time of anguish.

     Ah now, Luma, remember revenge is a dish best served in Gazpacho soup fashion.

DANGEROUS!

Lighthouses.  Your Humble Scribe hopes this one is a trifle more dangerous than the last, which had a safe approach waaaaay above the crashing breakers.  Art!

It looks impressive.  But - is it dangerous?

     This lighthouse is off the coast of Santander, Spain.  That above shows the kind of waves that break over it, so Yay! it does look pretty hazardous.  It was erected in 1860, when they built things to last with quality materials used by genuine craftsmen (Populous Dictatorship builders take note).  Art!

     There have been three deaths at the lighthouse, with one of the bodies having to be kept in situ until the waves died down, which can't have been pleasant for the other keeper (it was manned by a crew of two before automation), having to share your accommodation with a corpse for an unknown length of time.  Art!

Treacherously calm

     Satisfyingly dangerous.  Okay, this one lives up to the title.  If you visit, please don't bring any cats (or rats (!)) or indeed any other mammals onto the island, as it is a protected nature reserve.  And it's a long drop off the cliffs.

Finally -

I continue to binge on Korean television programs.  Conrad doesn't think "My Love From The Star" is available any longer, which is a shame, as it was an amusing satire of modern Sork life.  I may check on Netflix to see if it is available because I didn't finish watching it first time round.

     ANYWAY I have now finished the second season of "Kingdom", the Sork historical zombie political drama, which I have mistakenly called 'medieval'.  Mistakenly because they have gunpowder cannon and matchlock muskets, so perhaps Renaissance or Early Modern.  Art!

     Yes yes yes I could look the date up, which would be cheating and unfair and lacking any suspense.

     ANYWAY I am now watching "Sisyphus" which looks to involve time travel and technology and seems quite convoluted, always a good thing.

     Radio Free Albemuth signing off!

*  Which is like "Lo!" except more so.