Mine's No Disgrace, Either

Ha Hah

No, this isn't anything to do with that Nork band, BUT it is to do with a band and song lyrics and what a clever old dog Conrad is.  Either that or we can thank the didsordered dustbin that acts as a mind in my case.

     Of course we now have to abruptly change tack and re-visit "Revelation Space", which I finished yesteryon.  The last few pages are the only bits I recall from reading it aeons ago, apart from - Art!

     - a training exercise carried out against armed robots, in a special chamber whose pristine white walls have long been battered purple by all kinds of exotic weaponry.  The first robots are nicknamed "wolfhounds" for how viciously they behave, and they move in three dimensions thanks to rocket thrusters.  Once in the room they attempt to camouflage themselves by using the same background colour as the walls.

     Having thus set it up, Ol' Al then lets fly with the line " - shining, flying purple wolfhounds -'

     Hmmmmm.  Conrad seems to think that line sounds familiar.  Because it's a line from a song by Yes, namely "Yours Is No Disgrace".  Don't take my word for it, let's have a look at the lyrics themselves.  

Battleships confide in me and tell me where you are,
Shining, flying, purple wolfhound, show me where you are,
Lost in summer, morning, winter, travel very far,
Lost in musing circumstances, that's just where you are

      Hmmmmm again.  Jon Anderson's lyrics never make any sense at the best of times, because a battleship confiding in oneself?  Is it using FM or internet broadband?  Plus, if your wolfhound is purple then I think the RSPCA would be having a word or two.  Especially if you make it shiny with hair lacquer.  Now, I know we used that headline "Fly Like A Beagle" but take it from one who owns a small domesticated wolf, dogs do NOT come with an innate ability to cruise the airways.  Again, if you take your wolfhound upstairs and try to tip him out of a bedroom window, the RSPCA will be knocking on your door.  Is that correct, Tiddles?

Thanks for the affirmation

     Given the size and mass of a full-grown wolfhound, you'd need a large window and big muscles I don't think we'll go there.

     Motley!  Come taste this Viper And Quinine ice cream for me.

A Montana Mystery

We have mentioned the vigilantes who brought order to disorderly Montana, back in the days when there was literally no law and no law enforcement.  They achieved this by straightforward means: they killed the bad guys.  Other, live, bad guys got the message and got out of town, often propelled by a message painted on their house, cabin or tent:

     "3 7 77".  This was code for "Your neck will be longer and your clothes full of holes if you're not gone sharpish".  Nobody has yet come up with an explanation of exactly what it means, only that it meant business.  Those Montana Vigilance Committee members didn't muck about.  Art!

     It's been adopted by the Montana Highway Patrol as part of their emblem, by local Freemasons, by the Big Sky brewery and the Air National Guard.  Art!

     If you discover this number on your front door one day, look to make a quick sale, hmmmm?

Conrad - Back To Being Furious

Yes yes yes, we are back on the subject of Codewords again, because no matter how many compilers I use the Remote Nuclear Detonator on, more come to fill the gaps.  One suspects they are not telling these new recruits what happened to their predecessor, or why there's a Geiger counter on their desk.

     ANYWAY

"WYVERNS": What, are we expected to be folklore experts now?  Conrad, of course - obviously! - already knew what these are, but for your enlightenment: an heraldic beast with the tail of a serpent, the head of a dragon and a body with wings, having only two forelegs.  Art!

     Conrad was of the opinion that they were rather on the small side, which would make them both cute and dangerous.  Their name derives from Old French, which INEVITABLY derived it from the Latin 'Vipera', which is not a good flavour for ice cream, according to the motley.

"FESTAL":  Er what?  Yes I had to look it up.  "A variant of 'festive'.  WHAT KIND OF VARIANT!  I have never seen it before, nor, and I am willing to place folding money on this, have you.  Bah!

Connie being festal.

"JOCUND":  I've no idea, let me consult my Collins Concise. "Of a humourous temperament, merry" ah that explains why I've got no idea.  You can't call me merry under any circumstances, can you?

Connie being jocund.

     Case proven.

More More More Of "Tormentor"

Because you love it so, and it ups the word count very handily.

Rowell was introducing a new member of staff in the staffroom when Louis made his slow and pondering way there for ten o’clock.  She was young, blondish and pretty, staying quietly respectful in front of the veteran staff.

               ‘This is Louis.  He can be spectacularly horrid when the mood takes him, which is frequently.’

               The new tutor smiled uncertainly.

               ‘Correct.  You don’t get the truth or diplomacy option, with me it’s truth all the way.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go drown some puppies.’

               ‘You’re so horrid!’ Jen told him on the bus home, appearing suddenly next to him when the bus got near the descent stop.  They were upstairs, which was deserted, so he felt secure enough to reply.

               ‘That’s college policy, you know.  Bring in a sweet young thing, who costs less in wages than a senior lecturer.  The downside is a trade-off in pass rates.’

               ‘Oooh.  There you go, that’s why you’re a lecturer.’

               ‘I’ve got news for you.  No, no, wait until we get home.’

              

               Once in and settled, Jen made him a cup of tea.

               ‘I need practice manipulating physical objects.  One sugar, isn’t it – there you go.’

               Her attentiveness made Louis uneasy.

               ‘You’re not a skivvy, you know.  I’m sure God, who probably does exist, won’t take kindly to your restless spirit making tea for a lazy batchelor.’

               The teaspoon rose into the air on it’s own, then delivered a sharp rap on his head before falling to the settee, bouncing on the cushions.

     How very handy, an invisible housemaid!.  Which is probably not the attitude to take, and were Jen's spirit present in my Sekrit Layr, Conrad would doubtless get a spoon rapped on his head, too.

Finally -

Let's have a look at another Dangerous Lighthouse, shall we*?  Art!

     I know, I know, it looks Photoshopped.   However, it's real.  This is the Thridrangaviti lighthouse off the coast of Iceland, which was built in 1939.  Yes, long before helicopters were a thing; they had to use mountaineers to scale the sheer cliffs before building the structure.  Art!

     Nothing states if it was manned or not, although I suspect the diminutive size means it was automated, because you wouldn't be able to fit many supplies into a single room of those dimensions.  Art!

     It looks fit only for a single person, who would inevitably go off their chump thanks to the isolation - you are six miles from the shore and I don't see any radio aerials.

And with that we are done!

*  Purely rhetorical.  You're getting this item whether you like it or not.