Both Hunky And Dory

You Were Expecting A Pun About That Fish Film, Weren't You?

Ha!  Wrong!  Conrad not exactly sure what the film's called, only that there was a delicious fish dish in it called 'Dory', which I may bother to look up -

     Art!

Nice with chips.

     So, the film itself is called "Finding Nemo" and seems to feature a boatload of anthropomorphised fish.  Just to be clear, let's have a look at what a Dory looks like in real-life, before the animators run it through an algorithm designed to maximise the Cute.  Art!

Not quite as exuberant, hmmm?

     This is still quite charming as compared to the fish Conrad originally confused it with, namely the 'John Dory', and if we can keep up the frantic pace of Art's employment - 

!

     I know, it looks like Dory's hideously mutated monster cousin from the dreadful depths of the Challenger Deep.  At least this one is safely dead, the live version looks as if it wants to climb out of the water and feast on your kidneys -

     ANYWAY once again we pontificate about what today's title is not about, and for your second guess I can guarantee you were going to select that David Bowie album, weren't you?  Art!

     Conrad cannot remember if he's got this album or not, and since my I-pod's battery has run so far down it won't display anything, we may never know.  It's not a bad album, I quite like the tracks "Changes" and "Life On Mars" and can't remember a thing about the rest of them, which probably says as much about a grumpy old man's memory as to how memorable they are.

      HOWEVER! that's not what we're going on about here.  O no.  That would be too easy.

     Here an aside.  Where does the phrase come from?  According to my Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, it's a mid-nineteenth century colloquialism, possibly derived from the Dutch 'Honk' which means "Home", and they reach a little by saying that if you're 'Home' then you're in a good place.
     STILL FURTHER HOWEVER!

     Nope, we're not dealing with South Canadian colloquialisms but instead with the JAMES WEBB SPACE TELESCOPE!  What else?  As you should surely know, this giant space eye blasted off from French Guiana on Christmas Day and is en route to one of the Lagrange points beyond Earth's orbit.  These are nice stable points where an object can sit peacefully, not being disturbed by anything else's gravity.  Art!

     The telescope itself had to launch in a very compacted arrangement, in order to fit in the capsule, and now has to unfold the mirror and sun shield verrrrrry gradually.  You don't want to put a hole in a £10 billion dollar bit of kit that cannot be reached for repairs (as could Hubble).  Art!

     That's the configuration with sun shield fully extended but mirror partially folded.

     You must by now be wondering what this has to do with today's title - well, believe it or not, because a spokesperson at the company responsible for building it stated that "Everything is hunky dory and doing well."

     So there you have it.

K8 In A State

We mentioned how deep the USS Johnston had sunk in 1944, and you know how the Sinisters liked to try and upstage the South Canadians if they can; well, they nearly managed it in 1970, unwittingly and unwillingly.  Art!

     This is a November-class K8 nuclear-powered attack submarine, which were bodged together by the Sinisters as quickly as possible in order to have a shoddy something now, rather than a decent item when.  A nuclear-powered, nuclear-armed 3,000 ton monster built by cowboys - what could possibly go wrong?  Art!

This

     There was a serious fire when it was traversing the Bay Of Biscay in 1970, at depth, which killed 50 of the crew.  Surfaced to try and control the damage, it flooded and sank in bad weather; the Sinisters managed to save 73 men but were bummed out that they'd fatally fudged it in full view of NATO.

     It went down in waters nearly 3 miles deep, so there's 1) No possibility of salvaging it and 2) No risk of marine trespassers.  Whatever would Dory say?

     

     O I say - I-pod partially charged and yes, I do have a copy of "Hunky Dory".  I bet we're all a lot happier for knowing that.

In The Spirit Of -

"Tormentor"!  Let us have even more supernatural skullduggery, shall we?  Yes we shall, it was a rhetorical question and the answer was always going to be 'Yes'.

In the intervening hours Louis ironed his shirt and tie for the next day, polished his shoes and continued to think about spirits, ghosts and the supernatural.  Not since the obligatory RE lessons at high school had he considered such things.

Jennifer appeared to be a type of novitiate spirit, having to learn what she was capable of from other, more experienced spirits.  That implied that there was a community of the supernatural, maybe a world-wide one, a parallel of human society.  Then, if spirits were the non-physical remnants of a person, why wouldn’t they mimic the society they’d been part of for so long?

After the sombre ironing duties he went looking at local news websites for more details about the case of Jennifer’s killer.  He didn’t expect much, since it was sub judice, but the case was due to go to the Crown Court next week.

I wonder – could I get into the public gallery?  If I can, so can Jennifer.  Then she can wring the evil little ****** neck, should she want to.

The monitor screen pulsed with unusual brightness, and the lights downstairs dimmed for a second.

‘We’re here!’ said Jennifer’s other-worldly voice from the lounge.  Louis walked in warily, not really knowing what Marjory would look like.

A dumpy little woman, actually, rather like everyone’s grandma.  She seemed extremely real and solid, hardly a denizen of the afterlife.  Her clothes were dated, maybe going back to the Fifties, but Louis wasn’t a fashion expert and could have been out by decades.

‘Hello,’ he began, uncertainly, bowing slightly for added emphasis.  What constituted good etiquette in the spirit world?

‘Well that settles that then.  ‘E can see me,’ chirped Marjory in a Cockney voice.

‘Er – yes.  Yes I can.’ Louis stared at the incongruously prosaic spirit, who eventually frowned.

‘Cat got your tongue, young man?  And it’s rude to stare so.’

Louis shook himself.

‘Sorry.  I don’t – that is, I never have guests, so I’m a bit out of practice.  Can I get you anything?’

Marjory snorted in amusement.

‘What d’you take me for, flesh and blood?  No, it’s what I can do for you.  That’s why I’m here.’

‘Can I sit down first?  Thanks.  Not really used to this kind of thing yet.’

He stared at his feet for a second, trying to compose his mind. 

‘You are a lucky man,’ intoned Marjory.  ‘Getting found by this young thing here.  She’s a positive angel, she is.’

‘I quite - ’ began Louis before getting shushed by Marjory.

     Hmmm.  Here we are and there you go.

Onto More Sublime Matters

We can't run at the white heat of creative genius all the time, so let's have the BBC's pictures on the theme of "2021" do a bit of the heavy lifting.  Art!

Courtesy Tara Lowry

     Taken in Spain, in Andalusia, which Conrad feels is pointed mockery of the climate we endure here in This Sceptred Isle, since it has both sunglasses and sunflowers present, two items rarely encountered here.  Also Your Humble Scribe is unsure why this represents 2021.  A Stinking Corpse Lily would be more apt.

     Bah!