We Here In The Allotment Of Eden
(the weather has picked up today and so we're not using the "Pond" appellation) are frequently of the opinion that we know all about South Canada, because we watch "Friends" or listen to Eminem or have seen all the "Fast And Furious" films (although don't admit this within earshot of the BOOJUM! staff*), and because we speak a mutually-comprehensible form of English**.
Sadly this conceit is about as valid as denarii would be down the corner shop. South Canada, in addition to being REALLY REALLY MASSIVE, is also intrinsically quite complicated, because you have all those individual states, whose laws and customs, and language and slang and crisp packets ("potato chips" to the South Canadians reading this) all differ. Art!
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| In a right states |
Take Georgia, for example, because that's where this Intro is leading. Art!
Thanks to perusing "The Daily Beast" Your Humble Scribe is more aware of the political infrastructure in these states, yet neither he nor you knew about the Georgia Department Of Transport, did we? For yes, such an entity exists.
You see, I was perusing a Youtube Reddit account and, as always, took pains to read the Comments, since there are often juicy stories fleshed out there.
And so there was. This Comment concerned the driver of an 18-wheeler - Art!
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| 9 each side, I counted them |
The Original Poster said that the company which employed him refused to spend any money on keeping their trucks safety-compliant, putting lives at risk for the sake of a few dollars. This did not please him. In fact it made him very, very angry.
Enter the Georgia Department Of Transport, who have Weigh Stations up and down the state, and whom take great delight and considerable pains in looking for violations in the trucking industry. OP's splendid turn of phrase described their staff in one station he knew of as "Massive Hard-cases who loved nuking companies". Art!
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| Company: "Nah it'll be fine, a news set of plugs and we're good to go." |
The inspectorate staff were surprised, mightily, when OP rolled up in his truck and requested they inspect it, because normally truckers treat them with fear and loathing and avoid - where they can. There are roving highway DOT patrols who keep their eyes peeled for errant trucks and drivers. Art!
OPs big-rig, needless to say, did not pass muster. Given an opening, the Georgia DOT then went over the company's entire fleet and issued compulsory repair notices. Which bankrupted the company.
As observed, yes, OP was now out of a job. He was still alive and intact, mind, which balances things out, rather. Art!
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| Georgia DOT Weigh Station |
' There you go, one of South Canada's lesser-known institutions explained, and a touch of vengeance from OP, who sounds like the kind of person to stay on the right side of. Tomorrow - the Bureau Of Reclamation!
Motley, how about playing a game of dots and spots?
It's Not April The First, Is It?
I did wonder, having seen a bizarre report on the BBC's news pages about a so-called 'soft robot' that can change colour - hi Polka-Dot Man! - in a manner similar to a chameleon. The crawling little critter has colour-sensitive monitors underneath that allows it to blend into simple backgrounds. Art!
This miracle of modern science (or magic, if you prefer) is explained away as using 'thermochromic liquid crystal ink', where the colour change is actioned by 'silver nanowire heaters'.
THE FOOLS! THE MEDDLING FOOLS! DON'T THEY REALISE THIS IS ONLY ONE STEP AWAY FROM POLYMIMETIC ALLOYS!***
"Jaggery"
Yes, another of those words that pop up in Your Humble Scribe's turbid mind. This time, for all that there was no reason for it to be there, Conrad had at least a vague inkling that it was Indian, possibly to do with cooking? No joy in my Collins Concise <gasps of horrified surprise> so I was forced to slum it and check out the internet <hangs head in shame>.
We got a result! Art?
True, it looks like fudge. What is it, really?
Hmmmmm yes, it's a sweet, made from sugar cane sap and date palm sap, mixed together in a great big pan and boiled. One it reaches the state of forming threads when dripped from a spoon, it's ready. It gets decanted into containers to cool. Prevalent in India and surrounding countries.
So, yet ANOTHER thing that Conrad cannot touch with a pair of lazy-tong scissors. Thank you SO much, diabetes! Art?
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| There's some jaggery-pokery going on here. |
Widely used in South East Asia in both sweet and savoury dishes, and also as a confectionary all on it's own.
Bah!
Drums Of DEATH!
Sorry to be so melodramatic, I couldn't resist. Art!
Hmmm. Possibly the end product of the invention we are about to go into. You recall that earlier this week mention was made of the Maltese 'fougassse', a variety of earthen mortar?
Okay, cast your mind back to the late summer of 1940 when Perfidious Albion stood alone against the Nazi threat (because the Sinisters were busy being their friends), and had to come up with ingenious ways of rendering large numbers of Teutons dead as dead could be.
Enter the Flame Fougasse. Art!
This engine of infamy was dug into various choke points along the roads and paths of This Sceptred Isle, where invading vehicles and men would have to slow down and bunch up. At which point a lurking Home Guard would press the firing handle and - Art!
Instant casserole
For a quick and dirty weapon it was horrifyingly effective, and when used with the vindictive thickened fuel mixture that added tar and lime, it would have stuck to anything it hit. Tread not on the toes of Perfidious Albion in wartime, for she is likely to come back with an unpleasant riposte.
Finally -
Let us end on matters slightly more pacific. My second volume of "Once And Future" has arrived today - okay, okay, it's not remotely pacific - and I'm cranking this out so I can go read it. By now you know my routine - a rapid first read where I go over the text, followed by a second one where my glazzies wander over the artwork. Plus, no eating food to ensure no greasy fingerprints.
* Because a cattle-prod to the kidneys often offends.
** Geordies and Glaswegians excepted.
*** You know -
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