Yes, We Are Back To Romans Versus Zombies
Or
By The Pricking All Over Me, Something Wicked This Way Comes
We've covered the various types of Roman troops in a legion, and their weapons, and one or two of the heavier missile artillery weapons, and now we've begun to look at the types of field defences a legion might throw up if it knew a zombie horde was en route. Art!
A humble legion in the field wouldn't have the time to construct all these defences, unless they had considerably advanced warning. Still, they'd use some of these methods. We have already mentioned the iron spikes projecting at an angle, mounted on a wooden shaft, and I've just managed to find a picture of one, hooray! At?
You can see these deployed at extreme starboard in the colour picture. Next are tiers of sharpened branches facing toward the enemy. A cannier foe than a zombie horde might try to uproot or burn these; our mindless murderous meatbags will simply shuffle forwards and impale themselves on these gardens of gore. Once fixed in place their equally mindless compatriots will march over them and crush them to a filthy black pulp. Given time and enough zeds, they would overwhelm these physical barriers, and bimble their way into the moat. Art!
From the diagram above you can see that there were river sources that the Romans could use at Alesia to keep a current running in their moat, meaning that the zeds would be swept downstream from wherever they were attacking. Those that managed to stay upright would then encounter the moat's muddy bottom, and get stuck in place. Even those that managed to stay upright and free from ankle-deep mud would be significantly slowed down, thus becoming an easy target for legionaries on the higher ground.
Motley, would you like some strawberries and ice cream*?
Conrad's Suspicions Confirmed
No! Not that "Strictly Come Dancing" is a colossal sham that they only pretended to record and broadcast, because they knew how annoyed it would render Your Humble Scribe**.
No, what I refer to, of course - obviously! - is the absence of any mention of the First Unpleasantness in any of Pelham Grenville Wodehouse's written works. Even in those novels and short stories written during the war, you won't find any mention. Conrad noticed this in one work that was published in 1915, and an article on the Western Front Association's website further confirms it.
Link to said article. I don't know if Plum consciously decided to avoid any description of an exceedingly grim event in what were, after all, light and frothy stories, yet the marked absence indicates this to be so. Art!
The impeccably-cast duo of Jeeves and W.
Plum's inspiration for the gentleman's gentleman came from a cricketer, one Percy Jeeves, whom he had seen play, and whose name he recalled.
Conrad's imagination is tickled by the sheer certainty that both J & W would have seen active service in the First Unpleasantness, and he is going to go to sleep tonight musing what branch of the services they would have been in.
Plum having fun with mockery
Perhaps some other diligent author has already penned a mock-biography of our heroic duo? This bears looking into. I shall let you know.
ZAIBATSU!
Another word, like KREPLACH! that sounds as if you're swearing in a foreign language. It's Japanese and I'm unsure if it's in my Collins Concise; just allow me a second to check - it is! "The group or combines compromising a few wealthy families that controls business, industry and finance in Japan". Art!
No, sir, ripping off "Blade Runner" is not an 'homage'!
The reason I bring this term up is that it was prevalent throughout cyberpunk from the Eighties onwards, with the implication that these monstrously powerful commercial entities were more powerful than governments.
Then came the crash of 2008. The so-called 'tiger economies' rolled over and died, and the concept of all-conquering zaibatsu (unsure of the plural) ought to have died with them. Conrad not sufficiently motivated to do the research involved, although it would be an interesting theme for an ambitious post-grad, don't you think?
Done right
Sic transit gloria mundi and all that. Another prime example would be Weyland-Yutani, the "Company" that the Nostromo's crew talk about in disparaging tones.
Just a quick warning shot across your bows: Conrad is working tomorrow so this single novel post is all you're going to get, because if I have to work on a Saturday then you can share some of my woe.
Speaking Of Which -
My friend Richard, the one who lives in Storrs not Spain, is running his annual 'Crisis Point' game, which was postponed from April to mid-September. You probably don't recall my last After Action Report on these events. They involve a very large game or set of games, set up on an enormous playing area at the local school's central hall. They are played over a weekend and chaps from across This Sceptred Isle turn up to play, as well as some small locals. Art!
This still is from CP 2018 and features what seems to be a civil war in Andreivia, that conflict-torn ex-Soviet nation on the shores of the Black Sea, invented by Richard so he could field all sorts of Warsaw Pact kit that never worked together in real life.
This year's CP is set in the Woebetide Islands, an island chain in the Indian Ocean, and concerns the natives, pirates, English and French parties all jockeying for loot, plunder and grog. Richard has been busy constructing terrain and painting soldiery, and I think we can have a sample of his hard work present. Art!
This is an example of an early-eighteenth century rocket in action, and frankly it looks as dangerous to it's users as it's enemies. You have to roll to see which direction it heads in once launched, so there is a possibility of a blue-on-blue ...
There you have a scenery test, with a couple of bridges over a river, which, knowing Richard, will have a terribly punning name. Conrad inevitably gets his factions into terrible trouble, regardless of the time period, so expect to read about my forces 'falling gallantly in defence of <insert treasure, VIP or geographical feature>"
Because I plan to be out all day on Saturday and Sunday you may get very brief BOOJUM!s or none at all. Shocking I know!
And with that, Vulnavia, we are well and truly done!
* Keeping it off-guard
** This is still my working hypothesis.
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