Perhaps I Exaggerated A Little
"Awed incomprehension" might be a better title, or "Stunned by cobblers" or even "Getting a right leathering".
This probably doesn't make much sense to you, which is okay, as it doesn't make much sense to Conrad either. I was distracted, you see, when looking up the word "Sacerdotal" which, true to form, had popped up in my head for no good reason. Art!
??? Art, what are you playing at?
O wait a minute you wag! I got the definition in my Collins Concise - " Of or related to or characteristic of priests". Well well well, Art can play the punnery game too. That's too clever to warrant the Tazer.
ANYWAY what is below that in the column of definitions but "Sachs", with an entry for 'Hans' who was a Meistersinger (some kind of operatic male warbler) and master shoemaker, as immortalised by Wagner in his opera "Der Meistersinger von Nurnberg" which Conrad has never seen or heard and has no intention of ever doing so, as all opera is loathsome to him. Art!
Maybe it's just me, but I found the idea of an opera all about a cobbler rather humourous, as it's hardly the heroic image of Yer Actual Operatic Hero with his spear and magic helmet (I stole this from Bugs Bunny as I have little experience of how operas go). Art!
Yup. Looks magic to me.
There you go, an Intro that spans heavy metal and opera by way of Looney Tunes. All we need to be complete is a zombie in an atom-powered tank trying to blow up the Moon.
Oooops.
"Overlord"
Conrad went and watched this war-cum-zombie film last night, and INEVITABLY his inner pedant came outside and danced around in frothing rage, which is an interesting sight as it has no more rhythm than Conrad.
ANYWAY there are a whole host of people on IMDB quibbling about accuracy, because as they aptly point out, there were no black paratroopers in the South Canadian airborne until 1948.
Bokeem Woodbine being strict 
Jovan Adepo, whose character wouldn't harm a mouse*.
There is also a glaring continuity flaw about the paratrooper's planes flying over the Channel in daylight, when as any fule kno they travelled at night. Hey, I can point out a Goof that nobody on IMDB noticed! There were no SS present in Normandy before the invasion, despite there being scads of them in the film. You see <Mister Hand mercifully redacts 8,750 words about the Normandy campaign> from Chernopol in the Ukraine - imagine that!
HOWEVER. I think people are missing the point here. This is not an account of how D-Day played out, or the exploits of the South Canadian airborne, nor yet of the invasion as seen by the Teutons. IT'S A FRAKKIN' HORROR MOVIE WITH ZOMBIES! so you can cut it a little slack. How many people out there condemned "Dracula" because it minimised the politio-geographical complications inherent in the Hapsburg monarchy and the Dual Empire? Anyone? No, I thought not.
ART! Careful, careful - we don't want R.J. MacReady barging in
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, a tunnel is just a tunnel and hideous immoral unethical medical research in search of undead warriors is just that.
Back To Watery Themes
If you recall AND YOU OUGHT TO then you remember that BOOJUM! was following in the footsteps of Post-10 on his Youtube channel, as he pointed out the multiple failings of the Connecticut First Lake Dam, which looks so shoddy you'd imagine the Sinisters built it in 1929. Art!
Streaky and creaky
Posty made the worrying point that the water flow from this dam ends up in Francis Lake, which is itself a reservoir retained by the Murphy Dam. The Murph is no concrete edifice; it's an earthen dam of no great sophistication or durability. Art!
Towns potentially at risk
It Couldn't Happen Here
"Here" being This Sceptred Isle, Perfidious Albion, the Pond Of Eden.
Okay, the place I refer to is Australia, which Conrad has also dubbed "The Country That Constantly Tries To Kill You" because when it's not parched by incredible drought, it's being inundated by floods, quite besides the hideous array of venomous insects and predatory animals.
To which we might add: Human Stupidity. Art!
CAUTION! beautiful but deadly
Our pair of Darwin Award winners decided to depart on a 1,600 mile trek across the Ocker outback to - pick fruit. I see. The grapes of wrath, hmmm? Their trusty steed was a Landrover 31 years of age, so the odds were already stacked against them. They didn't leave word of where they were going nor when they'd be back. They didn't have spare water. They didn't have a radio. They didn't have a map. And, when their vehicle broke down, they didn't have a chance. Both perished at their car's breakdown site, only 6 miles from a well.
O well
You might expect Pom tourists to blunder like this - after all This Sceptred Isle is never going to witness people dying of thirst, and if you travel 1,600 miles in any direction you'll end up in the ocean, Ireland or Europe - but no, this pair were native Ockers.
Finally -
Yes, finally! Conrad laid his hot sweaty palms upon an edition of the Manchester Evening News, which had been removed from the shelves at the Co-Op on Sunday, damn their eyes the dirty curs. I get there earlier every week and they remove them even earlier! Just you wait, Co-Op staff, just you wait, in 257 years my starship invasion fleet is going to arrive and you'll be sorry then when
ANYWAY I got to do another Codeword, since I've only managed one in the past week and feel decidedly lacklustre. Gotta keep those wits sharp, you know? I am delighted to say that, once again, Your Humble Scribe was propelled to the veriest heights of seething citric apoplexy by the solutions, which you WILL hear about, never fear ab - hang on, is something burning?
"Hey, I got here as soon as I could. I heard there were flamethrowers?"
And with that, Dártagnan, we are well and truly done. Done!
* Evil Nazi doctors, on the other hand ....
No comments:
Post a Comment