If I Were To Say "Bison"

You Would Probably Suspect A Verbal Trap

"Surely he cannot be referring to that mighty yet peculiar-looking quadruped that roams the plains of South Canada?" you would probably reason.  

     Wellllll as an aside (and tacit admission you are correct), let's have a bison up on the blog.  Art!

Known across the pond as a 'Buffalo', because it's South Canada

     You cannot deny that they look oddly unbalanced, a great muscled forequarters and a spindly hindquarters, which probably makes them feel fearfully self-conscious.  This may be why their behaviour is so unpredictable, as they are known to go from placidly chewing the cud to full-on murderous assault.  Since a big daddy bison can weight over a ton, and travel at 35 m.p.h., only people who are not Mean Machine Angel would survive a head-on collision.

It's a long story

     ANYWAY, the Bison I refer to today is not the creature, as you so sagely guessed, although it is a massive and unwieldy beast in it's own right, weighing many tons and also capable of 35 m.p.h.  It lacks horns or other innate weapons - but let us get on with the Intro instead of trying to be clever.  You see, the mighty David Fletcher has just completed one of his 'Tank Talks' about the Thornycroft 'Bison' over on Youtube and Your Humble Scribe is well-known for being unable to resist anything with 'Tank' in the title.  Art!

With mighty David Fletcher for scale

     Here is a stalwart of what one author called "British Impoverished" vehicles, rushed into production with dizzying speed after Dunkirk, when kit was needed urgently, almost regardless of quality as long as there was quantity.  Art!

     This vehicle in Bovington Tank Museum is in fact a hybrid; the rear pillbox is authentic but the 'cab' is a fibreglass replica and the whole thing is supported by axle stands to prevent it's mass from creating flat tyres.  Conrad is certain he's seen a photo - perhaps even taken one himself - of this vehicle with very flat front tyres.

     As David points out, these things were massive.  I cannot find a description of exactly how much they weighed, although the pillbox walls were six inches thick and proof against anything bar armour-piercing artillery.  The consensus is that they were well over the three-ton payload limit, making movement difficult at best.  Hence their use solely as airfield defences, because airfields are mostly flat expanses.  Art!

The even heavier Mark III version

     Their purpose was to engage Teuton paratroopers or glider troops from a fixed position, not to drive up and down the runways.  Mind you, if they mimicked the animal and charged a stationary Teuton aircraft such as an uninvited Ju52 bringing in supplies or heavier weapons onto a British airfield, there wouldn't be much left afterwards.

     Motley!  Do you think we can finish off that animatronic bull and dress it as a bison?  Give Stan a call about it, see if he's got any advice, he owes me a favour or two.  Stan Winston, you bafoon, that's who*!

It's a work in progress

How Absurd - An Easy Codeword!

Yes indeed, Apollo Creed.  I was prepared to be terminally truculent last night, since I'd discovered a Codeword in the MEN that had a target time of 20 minutes and 21 seconds to complete.  Art!

     Of course you will just have to accept that Your Modest Artisan managed this in less than 18 minutes.  I have an honest face.  Notice that I do not quibble or quail about the solutions here, because I am of course modest and retiring.

"Flageolet"

This answer was a Cryptic Crossword solution rather than an explosion-of-rage-triggering Codeword answer.  It was an anagram of "Tell age of flute (9)" and, rather to my surprise, I got it straight away.  That, naturally, meant a nosy into what a flageolet was, precisely, besides being a woodwind instrument.  Art!

Doubtless a riveting read for some.

     'A high-pitched instrument of the recorder family' - and no, we're not going off on a tangent as to why the recorder is thus named - deriving it's name from French and 'flajolet' or 'little flute', which in turn derives from Latin <hack spit> and 'flabeolum', meaning something you blow.

     But wait!  There is also a flageolet bean, which bears not the slightest resemblance to a member of the recorder family.  Art!

May have something to do with wind, though ...

     Hmmmm no.  My Collins Concise says it's name comes from 'fageolet', which in turn comes from Latin again - sorry about that - and 'phaseolus', which means 'bean'.

     There.  We are all better informed than we were five minutes ago.

Plasticine

I did threaten to come back to this, so you have no excuse.  I'm sure you are all familiar with this iconic modelling material, yet I'm equally sure you've no idea what it's made of.  I can't claim any special knowledge, either, and resorted to Wiki last night to find out.  NOW THE TRUTH CAN BE REVEALED!  Art!

     Er, quite.  Okay, it is composed of 65% gypsum, 10% Vaseline, 10% lanolin, 10% stearic acid and 5% lime - the chemical compound not the fruit.  This makes it malleable, stable and completely resistant to desiccation.  Whilst generation upon generation of schoolchildren have bashed it into various shapes and colours, it is also a medium of choice for stop-motion animators, since it doesn't dry out either over time or under studio lighting.  Art!

     There you go, a whole lot less frightening that Jan Svankmajer**.

    Conrad has to also jingoistically append that it was invented by a Briton, one William Harbutt way way back in 1899, so it's been around for a lot longer than you imagined.   

Finally -

Payday tomorrow, hurray!  In other good news, the Chalke Valley History Festival is go for later this summer, as notified by James Holland, who is heavily involved in organising and running the event.  It never happened last year, of course THANK YOU COVID so it will be interesting to see what turns up in 2021, not to mention who.  As I cautioned Ol' Jim yesteryon, one can only keep one's fingers crossed for the weather.

In times gone by

     On that note, I declare us DONE!

*  You heard he was dead?  Well did you see his body?  Did you?  Then be quiet.

**  Pretty much everything is less frightening than that Czech wierdo.