My Twitching, Ever-Ready Finger Is POISED -
POISED, I tell you, above the big red button that sits dead-centre (O the delicious irony of that phrase!) on my Remote Nuclear Detonator, just waiting for the first bafoon with a death wish to comment on ' - that typo you made.'
Nobody?
Nobody dares to comment?
I suppose vapourising the first fifty-seven thousand has given the rest of you both pause and food for thought.* Art!
I also realised that the RND could be used to clear the Magma Moat of all that cooled lava, except I didn't think of it until the motley had spent seven hours chipping away with a chisel and hammer.
 |
| I'm almost certain that's what the motley said ... |
Just one of the many precautions we take around The Mansion to stop the Sinister Steam Locomotives from barging into BOOJUM! Yeah, yeah, they look all innocent and industrial until -
ANYWAY that has nothing to do with "Sir Nigel", Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's magnum opus from 1905, which concerns Sir Nigel before he became a Sir, and O my goodness, that list of strange Medieval words grows longer by the day.
That bit about the pike? There was never a pig, that's poetic licence, which is allowed here. You see, Nigel had a big beef with the Abbey of Waverley, which had, over the course of several generations, used the law to steal most of his family estates. The Abbey kept well-stocked ponds of char and carp. Young Nigel went a-fishing one week -
- and the next week there were pike in the Abbey's fish-ponds. What a remarkable coincidence!
No, Art. No.
We now come to more medieval legal terms, and a phrase that gets repeated several times: "Peccary, Turbary and Feudal".
We all know what 'feudal' is so no need to go into that. "Turbary" refers to the right of people to dig up turf or peat, either to roof their hovels or burn on the fire - gas central heating was a long way off.
"Peccary" is a lot more obscure. Your Humble Scribe furrowed his brow at the word, believing it to be a variety of pig. And what do you know, it is. Art!
Peccary going postal
My Collins Concise had only the pig definition. What can it mean? Well, Conrad has a shrewd suspicion that it refers to grazing rights, essentially being able to have your hogs root and scoot wherever they feel like, without having busybodies arresting them for trespassing. Sir ACD neglects to define a lot of this legalese, probably too busy counting his Sherlock royalties crediting his audience with too much intellect.
And I think that's enough of medieval legalese. Though we shall return to it. O yes indeed (I bet you can hardly wait).
"Army Of The Dead" - Let's Kick It In The Head!
Yeah, right, DOG PILE DOG PILE! I know you're not here to discuss the minutiae of inner dialogue, personal motivation, nuanced relationships or any of that shizzle, because - like me - you want to see the zombie hordes getting mown down by automatic gunfire. Well, if we have some plot needles and plot darning thread, we might be able to stitch up some of those plot holes along the way. Art!
"Be vewwy quiet ..."
FIRES ASSAULT RIFLE ON FULL AUTOMATIC
That above is the Sooper Sekrit Smugglah, who, in common with the rest of the team, spurns long-sleeved apparel. Her Sooper Sekrit Skills are required to get into the zombie paradise of Las Vegas, which skills amount to opening one end of an empty container, walking through it and then GET THIS! walking out the other end. Art!
Of course, you have to choose the right container.
There aren't any pictures up on teh Interwebz about this bit, either, because it lasts all of ten seconds.
Okay, to balance the critical scales of justice a little, AOTD does sport a pretty distinctive Chekhov's Gun; to wit, a zombie tiger. Art!
No rug potential there
You get kind of baited by the casual mention of the desiccated zombies all lying against the container barrier - which become active again when it rains. Except there's no rain in the entire film. "I bet nothing gets done with the zombie tiger" I hear you say.
Yes, well ...
Tony Parker - His Art Is Darker
This is the last of that roster of artists who are going to be in Portland this October, doing their thing at "The Thing" art event. Art!
Old Stoneyface himself
You can see how very detailed Mister Parker's artwork is, which is the kind Conrad likes best, as you can see what effort went into making it. Art!
Not sure if he does the colouring or not. Another one, Art!
Do you know, I think a bit of a kerfuffle is about to go down there. Anyway, Tony has his own website, with a sample of what he's done and what he's working on. Herein the link, if you're curious:
http://tonyparkerart.com/?page_id=1089
He has advice for aspiring artists, which is completely wasted on Conrad, who has trouble drawing a straight line with a ruler. And a pen, I hasten to add.
Since he already lives in Portland, he doesn't have far to travel in October which is good, since taxis are expensive.
How To Be Done With A Pun
Yesteryon we went on about Jim Nabors, who was famous and well-liked in South Canada for his portrayal of bumbling US Marine Gomer Pyle in the television series of the same name. Art!
Gomer finds out that Santa Claus is not real
What was kept rather secret at the time - mid- to late-Sixties - was that Jim batted for the other team. Fifty-odd years ago this kind of revelation would have ended his career, for our grandparents were not as liberal as we are now. Also of note is that Rock Hudson, leading Hollywood man, also - batted for the other team.
So some other team punsters, who should have know better, put it about that Rock and Jim were going to get married, and that Rock would adopt Jim's most famous character's name. He would thus become - waitforitwaitforit -
ROCK PYLE!
Conrad is uncertain if this is an urban legend or not. Whether or no, you will never find a photo of Rock Hudson alongside Jim Nabors. Go - go search teh Interwebz if you doubt me!
Nope, not Photoshopped. This is real.
Finally -
We have mentioned on the blog, a good while ago, the "Erie Canal Soda Pop Festival", which hands-down takes the lead in dreadful music festivals. 'Only' two people died in what was rather like a First Unpleasantness battleground, minus the guns but with a whole lot more drugs.
Anyway, I found a link to a Youtube video last night, which was interesting in it's own right, as well as the illuminating Comments. I shall have to play it and capture some stills to flesh out an item. In the meantime -
One toilet per 46,000 attendees
* It might be fifty- eight thousand, I got a bit carried away at the end.
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