Hoots! 'Tis Aboot Thae Sproots!

This Will Only Work If You Read These Lines In A Strong Scottish Accent
It's time to deploy your imagination and give it a workout, though in a concession to legibility we will imagine the Scottish accent in question to be a well-bred Edinburgher one, rather than the oft incomprehensible Glaswegian one.

Glesgae, just in case you were wondering

     Here an aside.  Yes, already!  Once again, whose blog is it?  Right.  Harry Harrison, that doyen of sci-fi who also worked in comics and (I think) travel magazines, is the only person I know who has ever used the word "Edinburgher".  It was in a short story collection of his, all based around the theme of the matter transmitter.  What was it called?  Art!

That's the one
(Conrad was sold on the cover illustration alone

     This word is used of the bad guys, the Edinburghers, whom are seeking to place a matter-transmitter "Door" on Earth as part of their Eeeeevil plans for galactic domination, which concern adding conquests to their hilariously-named "Greater Celtic Co-Prosperity Sphere" - itself a nod to the Imperial Japanese euphemism of the Second Unpleasantness.  If that Door gets planted, you see, then they can send an invading army through, or even pre-programmed ICBMs -
     Where were we?
     O yes - jumping right back to "The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!" and their submarine.  Art?

     You see that name on the bow?  That's the Cyrillic for "Sproot", which is Ruffian for "Octopus" although you will notice a distinct lack of legs, though there are some arms - do you see what I did there?  Arms?  Weapons?  That gun on the deck? O I'm wasted here, wasted.
     Anyway, "Hoots!" is an exclamation explained away as being what the Scots say when under stress, even though the last time it was used in this way was 1894.  Check it on Google, you'll see I'm right.
     "Sproots" is where we get clever, because not only does it sound like "Octopus" in Ruffian - you haven't forgotten already, have you? - it is also the way someone with a broad Scottish accent would pronounce "Sprouts", which are a peculiar miniature cabbage that gets trotted out at this time of year.  Nice when cooked properly, they tend to be overdone.  Art?

The terror of sprouts sproots

    They were also an anagram on our Christmas quiz as "Robust Spurless" which of course I got straight away, but I cannot get "Tossing Eagerness" WHICH IS VERY ANNOYING!
     Okay, motley, shall we roast some sprouts and boil a few festive Sproots?

Sir Michael Howard
 - was a military historian who died recently, and has been much mourned by other military historians, including Prof. Gary Sheffield and, more germanely, James Holland, on the podcast "We Have Ways -".  I might even have one or two of his books around (he worked on the Official Histories of the Second Unpleasantness).  Art?

Sir Mike.  Not to be confused with a certain politico

     Ol' Jim was unstinting in his praise of Sir M., whom he said was a very generous person who was genuinely helpful and friendly towards other, younger mil. historians.  He then said some of the elder statesmen in this field can be pretty poisonous prima donnas, who jealously guard their own little fiefdoms and deal with any interlopers in venomous fashion.  Conrad, being the nosy idle gossip that he is, wished that there were a few names attached to this statement, but - slander.
              
                                                        Metaphorical ones


How Can I Make Money From This?
Nice to see that "Orwell's Law" still holds true, as of Sunday, when Your Humble Scribe was stood waiting for a bus that never turned up.  Thank you, First Bus!* 
     In case you have forgotten, Orwell's Law has been adapted and adopted from the writer's experience with Republican trains during the Spanish Civil Unpleasantness.  He found that, nine times out of ten, the trains ran late.  However, one time in ten they would leave early, and you never knew when they would; there was just sufficient randomness to prevent you relying on lateness.

Thus

     Conrad has transposed this observation into a law, whereby, if you are waiting for a bus (especially a First Bus) it will be late or entirely absent; however, on the other side of the road an array of buses will be going in the opposite direction.  So, whilst getting an earache from bitter winter winds, Your Humble Scribe witnessed 3 buses going in the other direction.
     Bah!

A Little Revolutionary Fervour Goes A Long Way
I'm not sure how, but the topic of conversation at work turned to calendars, possibly because Sarah was swooning with joy at her "Shaking Dogs" Calendar - no, don't aske me, I haven't a clue - and Ben mentioned the French Revolutionary Calendar, which I had been vaguely aware of as a chronometric entity, without ever really addressing it.  Art?

Thus

     The calendar was created in order to mark and make a complete break with pre-Rev traditions and customs, when Rev zeal was very strong, possibly before they started chucking people at the guillotine for tying their laces wrongly or having a wart.  This was a Republic, damn it, and they were going to prove a point!
     Anyway, they invented twelve new months, which were based on weather and harvests, such as "Germinal" which is to do with the French noun "Germination" and nothing to do with hygiene.  Or "Thermidor" from the Greek noun "Thermon" meaning "Summer heat", and nothing to do with lobsters (because this was in July).

This lobster has been Thermidored

     Not satisfied with mucking about with the names, each month was divided into three weeks each of ten days, which were known by a number not a name.  Still with us?
     It began in 1795, which Republicans liked to call "Year One", and was killed stone dead by Napoleon I in 1805. 

The farmers and peasants did not like.

     This abandonment was due to an incredibly involved problem about determining when the year started, bringing in leap years, the orbit of Planet Earth, astronomical observations and probably high winds over Norway affecting the mango crop.  Also, people only got one day off in ten instead of one in seven, and you are never going to court popularity by Making People Work More.

Finally -
I noticed this morning that Channel 4's website NOW allows access to Monday's episode of "Nazi War Machines - Secrets Uncovered", the pikers.  Being in a hurry to catch the (hopefully still running) 409 bus, I couldn't even catch a glimpse of it.  Maybe tonight.

Grinning like a schoolboy.

     And with that, we are done!

*  This is irony, lest you be unaware.  Ferocious irony.