Don't Deride -

Sodium Chloride
NaCl2, that is.  You know, salt - what you put on chips to enhance the flavour, and on roads to be an ice-breaking saviour.  What you sprinkle on your deep-fried King Edwards is of course not the same as the kind of thing Oldham Council have been throwing across the county's roads to prevent people skidding, as the latter is the unrefined kind.  I mention this as it is ought to be topical, even though our weather at present is merely disgustingly wet and cold, rather than crisp, frosty, icy or even (fingers crossed) snowy.  Art?

DO NOT CALL THEM FRENCH FRIES!  THESE ARE CHIPS!

     Yeeeesssss.
     Here an aside.  Those things above are potatoes that have been peeled, sliced, then fried in oil before obtaining the benison of vinegar and salt (acetic acid and sodium chloride, actually).  They are therefore CHIPS.  If you peel a potato, then slice it into extremely thin slices, deep fry it in oil, ALLOW TO COOL and then add salt and vinegar, then - congratulations! - you have made CRISPS.  Our South Canadian cousins have confused everyone fearfully by getting this wrong.

Crisps.  CRISPS, I TELL YOU!

     <allows throbbing temple veins to subside> Where were we?  Oh yes, salt, which as you know comes from salt mines.
     Enter colleague Lee, who mentions on Thursday that a television program he remembers seeing featured what he called "Russian salt mines", where there were man-made underground caverns with sculptures that included even chandeliers.
     Conrad's Curiosity Gland starts twitching.
     It turns out that this particular salt mine is in <coughs apologetically> Poland*.  Art?

(!)

     This is the Wieliczka salt mine, outside Krakow in Poland.  Which is outside the borders of Ruffia, whatever Tzar Putin may dream of -
     Conrad will have to do some background research and digging with his Polish compatriots at work, as this is all very, very religious iconography, and let us not forget that between 1948 and 1991 Poland lay under the heel of the resoundingly atheistic Sinister Union.  Is this sculpture from centuries ago?  2003?  1977?  Enquiring minds would like to know!

Salty

     Okay, motley, bring on the dancing hearses!

Hang on, this isn't David Niven ...

Moving Slightly East
I haven't mentioned or linked back to Youtuber Sergei Sputnikoff (a pseudonym - obviously!) for a while, and have just now come across his latest posting on how to get a holiday, or even a holiday abroad, if you were a Sinister citizen back in the days between 1954 and 1991.

Sergei in protective South Canadian camouflage

     The short answer is that it was a time-consuming process even if you were a Communist Party member, with no criminal convictions, a good employment record, decent references from your boss, a sound reason for wanting to travel, proof that you didn't speak the host country's language - a bureaucratic labyrinth.  The process was so convoluted and time-consuming that many Sinister citizens couldn't or wouldn't bother to try, and so ended up on the beaches at Batumi or - (see below)

     Quite surreal.  I think, judging from the background architecture, that this is on the shores of Saint Petersburg - I forget what communist icon it was named after previously - and I would guess that the ambient temperature is about 50 or even 60. Which counts as almost the height of summer there.

Travels In Heliconia
No!  Nothing to do with that Brian Aldiss saga set on a planet with horribly unpredictable seasons, where winter lasts either 186 years or 13 seconds, something like that, and there are intelligent armchairs and flying hippopotami - I think, it's been a while.
     No, what I was referring to - obviously! - is the Lego S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier, which is a whacking big Collector-level kit, meaning that only people aged 16 plus ought to try it, or face endless cries for Mummy to come fix it.  Art?

Pretty nifty!

     This looks pretty cool, I think you'll agree, unless you work for HYDRA.  It comes in at just barely under 3,000 pieces.  And would undoubtedly take weeks to complete.
     However ...
     You know that nerds and geeks everywhere are always looking to one-up on each other, and then to make said one-up-manship publicly available so that they may gloat?  This is true of the Helicarrier, because at a Comic Con (do you see where the title comes from?) a group of Lego modellers revealed a bespoke Helicarrier of awesome proportions.  Art?

Behold the "57"
(Possibly also known as "Heinz")

     This baby packs 15,000 bricks into it's construction, is twice the size of the official Lego version and took 6 weeks to build.  Since it's a bespoke model you can't buy it, though if you ask the creators nicely they may sell you a pamphlet detailing what bricks you need.

It's impressive, you cannot deny the fact

The Horror!  The Horror!
For those who have been living in an experimental undersea environment, or up a pole, for the past 5 years, you are probably unaware that actress Jodie Whittaker has taken up the role of Doctor John Smith in the BBC's premier dramamentary "Doctor Who".
     To this end she was in South Africa earlier this year, filming on location as the South Africans are proud members of the Commonwealth*** and offer sunny, hot, predictable weather that is predictable, hot and sunny.  I know this is redundant, I just thought I'd better emphasise it for our readers in the Allotment of Eden.

No word of a lie

     Anyway, whilst she was outside on the set, one of these things fell on her from above, then walked it's casual way down her quivering body and onto the ground.  Art?

A Sac spider

     There were curses and swears and clenching of buttocks, and the headstrong Assistant Director came along, picked up the offending arachnid (to a chorus of "NO!" from the local SA staff) and threw it into the middle distance.
     It made a great story but appeared to freak out fellow talk-show guest Kevin Hart, whom I would guess has a healthy fear of the eight-legged freaks.

     And with that - we are done!

*  Confusing Poland and Russia is akin to going into a Dublin pub and shouting "Let's all stand up for 'God Save The Queen'!**"
**  And then saying "I'm collecting signatures for an Oliver Cromwell Fan Club!"
***  Unlike certain other Rebellious Former Colonies