When A Shaking Hand Was Rather Grand

No!  Nothing To Do With -

<thinks> Roman emperors with dementia?

     Nor, though the theme be science fiction, do I refer to the original "Quatermass" film, where the astronaut victim suffers an infestation of extra-terrestrial ectoplasm, and you see him - well - "transmogrify" is the word I'd use -

The splendid and haunting performance of Richard Wordsworth

     In the "Hi-tec" (for the time) recorded film of these astronaut's experience, you see matey backing away from an unseen threat, with a physical tic, that of a shaking hand.

     Nor do I refer to "The Time Tunnel" at the end of the series, where Our Heroes are trying to deal with an alien invasion, in a small New England harbour town: "Town of Terror".  Everyone else has been frozen in time, except for the hideous aliens - Art?

Trust me, they had wobbly hands

     The aliens, known as "Andros" for no very good reason, are here to steal Earth's atmosphere, the dirty curs!  If I may, because I sense a sense of suspense dispense, allow me to include some text from the Irwin Allen Fandom site:

Another tech sits down at a desk and an alien appears behind him. It moves at him, now in 1968, and shakes its finger in a weird way--another reason to laugh at this episode--the aliens move their hands in a shaky fashion (gosh, even the old lady didn't shake her hands!) when they are about to take over someone!

     There you go.  That's what we're not on about today.

Hey, don't look at me!  I'm neither scriptwriter nor special effects crew

     What we are on about is one of the most seminal images in the whole entirety of television science fiction ever.  I realise this is a big claim to make; well, I have the chops to back it up.

     First of all, though, we need to introduce Sean Pertwee.  Sean appears as the offspring of a famous parent in an interview, which Radio 4 did to fantastic effect about 10 years ago.  Back then they had the children of a celebrity, along with an expert in biography on said celeb, being interviewed for half an hour.  The one that - er, yes, this is an aside in masquerade - that sticks in my mind is the one they did on Eric Morecambe, speaking to his son, Gary, who confirmed that Eric in real life was pretty much exactly as Eric on stage, if only slightly less so.  Art!

Funniest man ever invented

     Now, Sean was the son of Jon when the latter was filming that premier dramamentary 'Doctor Who' back in the Seventies, which meant he got access to the sets and props - where 'access' means 'getting to put them up on my wardrobe top to gloat over hah-hah world'.  Those last 4 words might have been added in.

     Art!

     THIS IS WHAT I MEANT!!  No apologies for using 2 exclamation marks here.  In the scene above our hero is snooping about someone else's domicile, looking for clues or gourmet Italian opera snacks, when he comes face-to-face (relative terms here) with a Silurian: a seven-foot tall humanoid reptile with three eyes, claws instead of hands and lots of green scaly skin.  Does Our Hero:

1)  Shriek in terror and run away?

2)  Produce a gun and shoot the Hideous Lizard Opponent dead?

3)  Attack and subdue using non-lethal Venusian Aikido?

4)  A combination of 1), 2) and 3)?

     No.  None of the above.  Instead, The Doctor goes to shake hands.  SHAKE HANDS!  A gesture that makes Non-Aggression concrete.  Of course this does not work, as a series of eight episodes that ends with the second one would be a bit counter-productive.

     You can bet we're going to revisit this topic.  Heck yes.

     I say, motley, now that you're in the pool, did we mention the transparent Himalayan Hate Eels that dine exclusively on live flesh?

There's eighteen of the little swine in there, you know

 

Staggeringly Obvious Question Of The Day
Dear old Auntie Beeb, a British institution, and also one given to asking daft questions on it's webpage.  "Is NASA Hiding Moon Secrets?" they'll bray, in order to get you to click on the link, which will be a 300-word article that could be summed up as "No".  Here's one I spotted earlier.  Art?


"What happens when a volcano erupts?"

     Well, what do you think, children?  Nothing good, if you want the concise answer.  The longer one involves lava, smoke, tectonic activity and volcanic ash.  Oh, and fire.  Lots of fire.  Generally you will find that anything which comes up against molten rock, loses, mainly by igniting and burning to cinders.
     Those two words "Volcanic ash" encapsulate an awful lot as well.  For one thing, it isn't ash in the conventional sense of the word, since a large part of it is fragments of magma.  These are not rounded particles, nor yet eroded ones, as you might expect of combustion products or windblown dust of the normal variety.  No, volcanic ash particles are jagged and sharp and bad news for your lungs, eyes, throat and nose.  Art?

And - inhale

     In fact, there is so much bad news associated with volcanic ash that it makes my palms sweat with excitement (you know how perverse I am) and we shall most definitely be coming back to this topic, too.

Now there's only nine (they ate each other)

Conrad Prepares To Be A Swine
(Heh!) It was such malicious fun filleting "Humpty Dumpty" that I couldn't resist the urge to traduce another nursery rhyme.  And so we meet - "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  Take it away Conrad you misanthrope!

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"

     At this point we need to explain to the infant audience that the twinkling is an entirely unwanted product of the Earth's atmosphere, and if we'd only let the Andros get on with it, this would no longer be a problem.  For two reasons: 1) no atmosphere = no pesky twinkling and, more pertinently, 2) You'd all be dead.
     Hmmm.  Perhaps don't continue on after that first comma.  An audience of terrified children can be difficult to cope with.

"How I wonder what you are"

     A large ball of hydrogen undergoing fusion, actually.  This would be a good time to introduce our toddler audience to the Hertzsprung-Russell diagram, which ought to adorn the walls of every nursery.

Pay attention, kids - there's a test later

"Up above the world so high"

     This is only a trick of perspective, as there is no "up" or "down" in space.

"Like a diamond in the sky"

     NO!  THIS WILL NOT DO!  What did I already tell you?  Stars are composed (mostly) of hydrogen.  Diamonds are an allotropic form of CARBON.  Go stand in the corner until I feel more merciful!

Now there's only six.  Hungry rascals, aren't they?

They certainly are.  Why a picture of the Moon, though?