A Backlog Of Bilious Belabouring

Don't Worry!

All bilious content is purely metaphor and analogy, with no footprints or consequence in the real world.  No, what I mean is that it's been a while since BOOJUM! did a film review, so much so that there's quite a few waiting to be intellectually filleted.  Shall we venture forth and do a bit of bumptious buffeting?*

 

"Horrible Histories: The Romans": Ah me O my yes.  No doubt this will be full of hilarious Anglo-Saxons putting one over on the Romans, with utterly astounding jokes about woad.  Conrad would be more impressed if they mentioned the disastrous ambush of three legions (or about one tenth of the Empire's soldiers) in Germany, from which none escaped, under the hapless Varus.  This result, for an awful lot of Romans, was horrible.  Frankly, I have a hard time being nasty to people who introduced indoor plumbed toilets to the world.

State of the art 2,000 years ago

"The Fast And The Furious: Calvin And Hobbes": At least that's what I think it said, both the bus and I were travelling at high speed on mutually opposing trajectories, I may have missed one or two characters in upper case.

     I have brayed forth in a loud and obnoxious voice about this franchise before, to the effect that - that - you know what?  I simply cannot be bothered.  Cars, guns, explosions, a one-liner, a romantic clinch The End <Calvin indulges in bedroom games with Hobbes The End?>

Romantic Grinch.  Close enough.

"The Return Of Annabelle": O Rly?  I didn't know she'd been gone.  <sighs heavily and melodramatically> Another film about a creepy-looking possessed doll with demonic powers.  Peronally, I blame Speilberg for this whole phenomenon, because it all stems from that clown doll in "Poltergeist", and I shall be merciful and not add a photo, because you'd have trouble sleeping tonight.

Ah, but the remake is another matter altogether ...

     You have to wonder at the mind-set of parents who'd buy their little darlings a "toy" like that, or Annabelle.  I wonder, Art, could you earn your plate of coke and provide us with -

Hmmmm.

     Aaaand once again, potential charges of child cruelty are in the offing.  The only person who would consider buying this for a small child is creepy Uncle Jim, whom you caught in the kid's bedroom one time with a camera and a bag of glue.  Were I the unfortunate recipient of this toy (unlikely as boys and dolls do not make a good fit) it would be instantly consigned to the back of the cupboard, with a couple of bowling balls atop to make sure it stays there.
"Blinded By The Light": Oh my once again.  Which brace of Hollywood suits gave the go ahead for this horror film?  Let me guess, a solar flare blinds half the population of Planet Earth in one fell swoop, and the unaffected half on the night side have to cope with blah blah blah, things fall apart, descent into barbarism, NO SCENTED HAND-WIPES! and so on.  It was done ages ago on a far smaller budget as "Inconstant Moon" in the rebooted "Twilight Zone" I'll have you know.
     Of course, I could be overthinking this ...

Proof.

More Of Military Pamphlet

I confesss I haven't actually read this yet, as I already know what it's about and could probably write a pamphlet of my own that would be five times longer and include insights that aforementioned publication cannot reveal.  Enigma, for one, as this remained secret under the Thirty Year Rule.  Axis supply problems for another, as <Mister Hand intervenes to prevent seventeen pages of A4 about "Logistics In The Desert War" being spouted>.

Matilda.  Even scarier than Annabelle.

     "The First Offensive" refers to the first offensive carried out by the newly named 8th Army, which would be Operation Crusader.  This was a horribly confused battle that went on for weeks and weeks, and resulted in the lifting of the siege of Tobruk and the "pre-planned elastic strategic withdrawal" of the Axis forces, known to the rest of us as "running away".  It also meant that the Desert Air Force re-occupied the airfields in Cyrenaica, so it could cover supply convoys into Malta -
     Ooops.  Starting to waffle, which might turn into wibble, and then where would we be?
     Anyway, about that photograph above.  It is the aftermath of an engagement, as you can see expended 2 pounder shell cases on the ground next to the tank.  The turret, if not the whole tank, had been traversed to starboard as the rounds are normally chucked out from the turret rear.  You can see other tanks of this one's squadron/company scattered in the background; the dust raised at upper right might be from vehicles on the move or a "brewed-up" vehicle.  Art?

Bovvie's working Matilda

     The tank is a Matilda, or officially Infantry Tank Mk. II, and both Italians and Teutons positively loathed it, because it was clad in three-inch thick armour that shrugged off anything bar an 88, which were in short supply.  On the other hand, it's 2 pounder gun would, in 1941 at least, turn any Axis tank into something resembling a colander.  Quite a few were sent to the Sinisters, where they did sterling service in the snows outside Moscow, helping to stop the Teuton hordes.**
     Enough wibble!  Next, I plan to sit down and read the pamphlet.  A bold move, I know,  yet one worth taking.

    

O Irony, Thou Name Ist 

This just struck me as amusingly ironic, and diverted my attention from the CEASELESS EVER-POUNDING RAINS for a minute.

     If you squint a bit and ignore the CEASELESS EVER-POUNDING RAINS then you can see that Kirkhams, the estate agents, is up for sale.  Where do estate agents advertise their properties for sale I wonder?  Are they allowed to do so in their own branches, or is that  a conflict of interest?  Can they trust a rival business to be fair and impartial in retailing a competitor's property?  Do they have a professional body that arbitrates the selling of estate agents?  Am I, typically, over-thinking this?

"Probably"

     Well, we have hit the Composition Ton, so it's time to answer the Ratphone, leap to the Ratpoles, roar off in the Ratmobile and wonder if paying a cheap publicist was a good idea ...

*  Rhetorical.  The answer was always going to to be "Yes".
**  The Sinisters would never acknowledge this, they'd rather drink poison.