- concerning doctors. It seems that ninety percent of all South Canadian television drama comes under the heading of medical, legal or police, and one day some crafty scriptwriter is going to come up with a combination of all three at once.
A small explanation there - I was referring to the Latin phrase "Primum non nocere", which means that, as a medical practitioner, you may be best advised not to operate upon or treat someone, lest you make their situation worse.
| Er - not really the surgeon's face you wanted to see |
Anyway, that's nothing to do with First Bus, who are the target for my Frothing Nitric Ire today. There I was, stood at the bus stop in Royton, waiting for the 15:44 bus, which never turned up. Nor did the 15:59 arrive, either.
"I bet it will turn up 5 minutes late, accompanied by another bus," I guessed, and yes, I was exactly correct.
What makes this all the more irksome is that I am sat in my Sekrit Layr, at the window, where I can see all the First buses running exactly to schedule outside. Like clockwork, except when I need them.
DO YOU SEE, FIRST BUS? DO YOU SEE THE HARM YOU DO?!
<sits and pants wildly as the veins in his temples throb picturesquely>
Okay, I think I've calmed down enough to continue.
Hmmm. The motley still hasn't returned from it's trip outside to see what was so spooking next door's dogs. Motley understudy? Kit up and go find out what happened to your predecessor.
 |
| That's possibly overkill, understudy. Oh, go on then. |
I Remembered!
Wow, the old brains do work as advertised sometimes. If you read today's earlier post, then you know I had been reading up on "The Count Of Monte Cristo", for reasons that then escaped me. It all came back when reviewing Legal Eagle's Youtube clip of people making jokes about lawyers
- THERE! Another First Bus EXACTLY ON SCHEDULE! -
And here an aside. Conrad has read TCOMC, many years ago, and remembers it chiefly as being extremely long. What I remember of the plot amounts to one character being imprisoned and having to pay enormous sums for his food - Wonder Wifey's swift rejoinder would be that of course I'd remember that bit, it's about food - and there was someone brought back from the brink of death by a potent elixir of some kind.
| The Chateau D'If. Scores Minus 3 Stars in Cook's Travel Guide |
There was a third bit I remembered, which is where Legal Eagle came in. I had intended to check when TCOMC was written, and it was published in 1844. This was relevant because an old Bonepartist character in the novel suggests that the Emperor form a corps of lawyers, who should then be sent into battle where the shot and shell are flying the thickest -
You see? Even in 1844 people didn't like lawyers.
 |
| "I'm shocked!" exclaimed Devin. "Though not surprised."* |
Prattle Of The Ban-Its
Conrad forgets exactly why he was looking up a kid's cartoon show about "G Force", but he did and he was, and it was called "Battle of the Planets", which, if Art will pause in sucking all the uranium-y goodness out of that fuel rod -
 |
| "Only our secret bird camouflage will protect our hidden identities!" |
This was actually a South Canadian adaptation of a Japanese cartoon series called "Science Ninja Team Gatchaman", in the way a rapper will nick someone else's music, recite some doggerel over it and sell a million copies and call it an "adaptation", the dirty cur.** They had to cut out the EXCESSIVE VIOLENCE and swearing in order to not offend parents, in which case what's the point? They also had to add in wretched comic relief in the form of a robot, 7-Zark-7. Art?
 |
| 7 Zark 7 and a man disguised as a duck. I know which I find funnier. |
They might as well have called him Basil Exposition, as that was his/her/it's other role: explaining for the slow and dim what had happened so far. JUST USE THE REWIND BUTTON!
Ah! I remember now - someone on either The Flop House or Space Opera Facebook groups put a clip of this up, and I was curious.
Your Humble Scribe does vaguely remember catching a few episodes of this back whenever, and not being impressed. The whole Solar System and all the teeming billions of Hom. Sap. are dependent on 5 teenagers? What if they get sick? Or go on holiday? Or their ship breaks down?
That last one was a real worry. Their spaceship would transform into a thing of fire - Art? back me up on this -
| Plasma Airlines - the only way to fly! |
What if they got stuck like that? Reading a paper would become impossible, as would several other tasks that we are too SFW to go into. Plus, your energy bill is going to go through the roof.
What if the bad guys attack from two different directions at once? - you know, being evil and all that, and not very co-operative.
Plus, what do G Force get out of it? If I was putting my shapely posterior on the line for humanity, I'd want a trainload of money in return, and time off to spend it.
Of course, I could be over-thinking this ...
Finally -
That time spent waiting at the bus stop wasn't entirely wasted, as my mind did start to wonder.*** In this case, about Humpty Dumpty. You know how the rhyme goes -
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
| Humpty Dumpty - adrenaline junkie! |
You know this isn't going to end well. An egg, one of the more fragile things around, perched at height, on a structure NOT INTENDED TO BE SAT UPON.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
I warned you. You cannot say you didn't see this coming <sighs heavily>
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
I should think not! Since when were cavalrymen your go-to people for medical assistance? I think there's a strong case here for a negligence suit; Humpty's parents (who must be sadistic swines to christen him so) need to retain a lawyer -
Which is not quite where we came in, but close enough. Chin chin!
| Superglue is your friend, chaps. |
* PS Lawyers still cost more than rats
** Conrad - hates musicals, opera and rap.
*** "Wander" - the horrid truth courtesy Mister Hand!
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