In Soviet Union - The Food Eats YOU!

Of Course It Doesn't Really -
Unless - I mean, I presume the Ruffians hunt and kill bears and wolves, and even the Siberian Tiger of the taiga, which are quite capable of eating a human being, but they don't sit down to a meal of bear-burgers or wolf-wheaties, do they?  Do they?
     It was a silly title merely present in order to cash in on that craze people had of inverting a popular saying or meme, because the natural order of things ran contrarily in the Sinister Union.  Also -

CAUTION!  So fresh it may not be entirely dead.

     Your Humble Scribe isn't sure if this is a genuine Sinister or Ruffian food product, or a sly fake.  Whichever, it typifies the title for today.
     And here we return to the subject of Ushanka Show, Sergei Sputnikoff's Youtube Channel about the realities of life in the Soviet Union (I think we'll dispense with the hilarious BOOJUM! alternate of the "Sinister Union" for this post).  Art?

     Sergei, who is no apologist for the Soviet regime, explains that Soviet food was actually of pretty high quality, with very few additives and certainly no preservatives, as you would have found in Western (for which read "Treacherous Capitalistic American") food of that era.  The reason was a partial revelation about Soviet food policy: there was no need for preservatives because said food never sat on the shelves long enough to need them.  The instant stuff came into stock it was snapped up.  

Mayonnaise.  Russians are potty about mayonnaise, apparently.

     Ushanka mentioned a brand of Soviet mayonnaise that would only keep, unopened, on the shelves for three weeks.  Once opened, even if kept in your compact (for which read "very small bordering on tiny") Soviet fridge, it would only keep a week.
     The problem was, inevitably, that there was never enough of this food to go around.  Conrad supposes the situation is now reversed - plenty of food, but all stuffed to the gills with chemicals.
     Ah well.
     Yes, motley, you may go swimming in the pool.  We did remove those barracuda after working them up to fever pitch by throwing hand grenades in, didn't we?  We didn't?  Ooops!

An angry, angry barracuda

Past, O! Glasto
If you were one of the teeming tens of thousands who attended said festival, then you can congratulate yourself on having dodged a bullet this year, as the rains stayed away.  Of course, this simply means it's that much more likely to rain next time, so don't gloat too much or too long.


     Imagine how much grimmer and grimier the above would be if there had been 3 inches of rain on one day, which is summer weather the Allotment of Eden can easily manage.
     Okay, let us now look at one of the festival's less-likely stars, a chap who was central in that magnum opus of the Eighties, "The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension", one Jeff Goldblum - yes yes yes he was in something with "Jurassic" in the title, be quiet, the grown-ups are talking.  It appears that Jeff is something of a jazz pianist, a skill he's kept quiet in the film world for decades, and which goes back to his teenage years.  Art?

Jeff not a fan of the Van Morrison approach to playing

     In fact, for the past three decades he's been playing with the <ahem> Mildred Snitzer Orchestra, a band with a name that I consider is probably not the one her parent's gave her at birth.
     Anyway, Jazzy Jeff, you read it here ninth or tenth, but you did read it.

A Festival That Never Was
No, we're not harking back to the Powder Ridge Rock Festival.  This is a news item ripped raw from today's headlines - well, since that sounds a little painful, perhaps eased gradually from yesteryon's sidebars on the BBC?
     I refer to a festival called "Vestiville", which was due to be held last week in Belgium.  Art?

Last year

     People were turning up at the gates only to find that it had been cancelled shortly before by the Mayor of the local town.*  He and his officials had toured the site to see how they were conforming with safety criteria, which they weren't: no proper stages, too few emergency exits and insufficient security staff, and that was after warnings to tighten things up and sort them out.  This gives you a rare glimpse into what's required at a festival quite besides the musicians and other performers.  One wonders what hoops Mister Eavis has to jump through to get Glasto off the ground.

Thunderbird 2 - for all your Festival needs!
(Okay that's a lie; we just haven't had enough Thunderbirds of late)

     I have mentioned the "Not A Cult" festival in passing, which can wait until another day, since we've had quite sufficient festivalue for one day.  It only got mentioned since someone I know is attending and playing.**

Speaking Of Thunderbirds -
Your Humble Scribe's mind tends to wander unless it's firmly anchored in a book or crossword, and yesterday was no exception, as I was sat pondering my computer monitor, wondering which words of wit and wisdom were going to be put forth today, and recalling The Hood, that spectacularly inept villain from "Thunderbirds".
     From there, my mind passed to "The Hooded Claw", who gets a passing mention in a Frankie Goes To Hollywood song.  He is also the chief villain in "The Perils of Penelope Pitstop".  Art?

Pen and Claw

     Penelope is always being captured by the Claw and subjected to some bizarre, complex and redundant piece of murderous machinery, which will kill her.  Then, the Hooded Claw, who is actually her guardian Sylvester Sneekley, will somehow acquire her money, unless his malicious plots can be foiled by a gang of seven midget gangsters in a sentient car - you are keeping up with all this, aren't you? although how her inheritance will pass to him would probably be shot down in flames by Legal Eagle.

Sylvester

     THC is one of those staggeringly inept villains who can barely put one foot in front of the other without shooting himself in the head.  Penelope, for her part, is staggeringly naive - or am I overthinking this too much?



*  Code for "I can't remember what it was, nor can I be bothered going to check" <the horrid truth courtesy Mister Hand!>
**  Sadly no, not Jazzy Jeff.