How To Impress - With A Killer Mattress!

Lest You Be Confused -
This is not the kind of mattress that you make a bed with.  Nor is it the type of monster as seen on cheesy 90's late-night cheapo "Twilight Zone" rip-offs; Conrad seems to recall a man feeding people to a killer settee, for Reasons, until he gets eaten by another woman's killer fridge, for Other Reasons.  Degsy would probably be able to look it up in 10 seconds flat; however, I'm not Degsy and I cannot be bothered.

Nothing like this, either.

     Your Humble Scribe has never seen AOTKT and does not feel his life is any poorer for this absence.  However, enough of YOU out there - and yes, you know whom I'm talking about - went to see it or bought the DVD that there have been 3 sequels.  And an animated series for kids, which is a real indication of jumping the shark.  If the "Sharknado" franchise ever makes a children's cartoon, then it will have definitely have become a franchise about jumping sharks that has jumped the shark.

How the phrase was coined and "Happy Days" began a long slow decline

     Now, I know what you're all thinking and saying.* "You've told us what this isn't about, yet not what it is."
     The "Land Mattress" or "Projector, Rocket, 3" ", as it was officially known, was a rocket-launcher used principally by the British Americans in the Second Unpleasantness, as the British weren't all that interested.  Art?

Bombing-up the Mattress

     It was dubbed "Land Mattress" as an earlier version had been used on Royal Navy ships, being called "Mattress", possibly because the launching frame resembled a wooden box mattress?  I may have to get back to you on that one.
     Anyway, the LM had the ability to unload a lot of ordnance on a target in short order.  Due to inherent inaccuracy it was an area weapon, rather than being able to engage a specific or point target, and like all such weapons, those in the area it fell upon were generally in a state of despair and turmoil.

Thus

     This weapon was only introduced in late 1944, whereas the Teutons and Sinisters had possessed similar systems for years - we may go into them at a later date.  Conrad suspects that this late adoption is because the Allies had acres of artillery that could accurately hit distant targets, and if you wanted to saturate an area with inaccurate high explosive, why, you whistled up a squadron of light bombers.  Thus no great need for rocket launchers.
     So you see - a mattress not conducive of a good night's rest.
     Right!  We've put the motley on a surfboard made of asbestos, now let's see how well it can lava-surf!

Wait - people do this for REAL?

     Enough of strife and conflict, let us now muse on <thinks> pedantic hair-splitting lexicography!

An Ode To Code -
Codewords, that is, which you ought to know by now are a staple of Conrad's hollow empty lifestyle, by which he seeks to numb the existential angst of being brought into existence.  That, and he's good with words.  Art?

A 3-letter Codeword.  Which is the easy sort.

     They are continuing to use words that are exotic or obscure, much to my chagrin (which I expect will turn up as a word at some point).  Would you believe "SCHERZOS"?  Which are "brisk lively movements based on the minuet".  A musical term not exactly common in one's daily conversation, nicht war?  Also, "SOBRIQUET" which is an amusing assumed name or nickname.

E.g. "Grumpy Humpy"

     And <now spitting with real ire> "YASHMAK", or the face veil worn by Muslim women when out in public.

Mash Yak.  Close enough.

     I can't complain too much about "CIRQUE! because it came up as an answer in one of this week's Cryptic Crosswords, so the word had quite a bit of resonance.  You need to know your mountain and geographical terms, though, as it's a circular depression carved out of a mountain, usually by a glacier.  Art?

Thus

     Lastly, they had "ARGYLE", a proper word that's NOT ALLOWED!
     Bah!

"The Umbrella Academy"
Rather eerily, the Argyle Public Library is also an important setting in this series, both in the present time and in the devastated wasteland that the future will bring.**

Title just visible above this text

     That above is the library as it exists before The Event (which still hasn't been explained, and may never be - just to keep us on our toes).  In the future -

I believe this is known as a "Fixer-upper"

     I shan't spoil anything by telling you whom anyone above is, or was, or will be.
     However, I confidently predict that Wednesday's Codeword, which I haven't yet tackled, will doubtless include further veiled references to TUA, as that seems to be how the universe rolls.

Finally -
Oooh, oooh, I came across this image whilst trying to track down the killer settee from the Intro.  Art?

This is why Coulrophobia.***

No luck with finding the settee, so I expanded the search to killer mattresses, and ended up with this little image.  Not so much a killer mattress, admittedly: rather what lurks beneath it.  Every small child's private nightmare.
     Sweet dreams!


*  And I promise D.A.R.P.A. will get their Telepathy Helmet back.  One day.
**  Or will it?  Your Humble Scribe still doesn't know as I've another episode to watch.
***  A fear of clowns.  Which is entirely understandable.  As is a fear of dolls.

BOOO!

     As for the monster who came up with this idea - dunno how they sleep at night (probably with all the lights on and a gun to hand just in case).