No More Mister Naff Guy

In Case You're Not From Round Here -
"Here" being the Allotment of Eden a.k.a. the UK, that most blessed of all lands, with it's own encyclopedia of slang, quite beside what Conrad has invented over the years: "Naff" means "Not very good" or "Rather rubbish really".  The Trabant?  Naff.  The Su 76?  Naff.  The Covenanter?  Very Naff indeed.
     So!  We shall call a moratorium of sorts on rubbish sci-fi alien invaders.  There are enough around from the Cinematic Age of Cheese (or The Fifties, if we're being formal), after all.  Let me summon up some images in the Menta-tron <waves to Art> - 

"INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN"!  IT'S A GAS!
(Being greeted by some sort of dance?)

     What you might call bullet-headed.  Can we find anything more exotic on the screen? <pokes Art with a fork>

"INVASION OF THE SENTIENT BROCCOLI"!

     Hang on, that's not right.  This is the one where their fingers are actually hypodermic syringes that they use to inject teenagers with alcohol so they drive dangerously and crash, isn't it?*  Then it must be "Invasion of the Saucer Men".  Let me warm up the Menta-tronic Viewscreen -

Wow.  Imagine one of them getting a migraine ...

     Er - Saucer-Men?  You might want to re-think your method of exerting world dominance; killing off a few teens in car crashes is hugely unlikely to cause Earth to fall to it's knees in quivering terror.  In fact, given the propensity of drunken teens to drive dangerously since there were teens and cars and booze, it's unlikely The Authorities would even notice.

Since before there were cars, even

     Okay, time to stick the motley in one of the bass bins at a Black Sabbath concert!

Conrad Looks At Books
Those of you who keep up with BOOJUM! will be aware that your humble scribe is forever purchasing military history books, and sticking them in huge orderless heaps after reading them.  Or, arranging them in a bookcase in no particular order.
     This has been bothering me of late.  How can I lay my hands on a particular volume when needed?  I can't.  So, I have decided to bite the bullet and re-arrange this - Art?

     - into an alphabetically-sorted collection.  It's very definitely a work-in-progress, as doubtless there will be other large-format hardbacks off lurking in corners that will turn up days or weeks later, requiring them to be slotted in; thus there needs to be a certain amount of space left on the shelves.  Here is the WIP - Art?

     We'll see how it goes.

COW Gum
Just to continue with a theme, yesterday we had the Coventry Ordnance Works 37 mm cannon, a.k.a. the COW gun, which - inevitably - caused Conrad's brow to furrow as he bethought himself.
     "That reminds me of - isn't there an adhesive product called -"

 - and lo! there was

     No, it wasn't made by rendering the carcasses of ground-down dead bovines; the company who manufactured it was F. P. Cow.
    So now we all know.

The World Record Of DEADLY DEATH!I just so happened to notice on Youtube that there was an entry for "The Deadliest World Record", and, being both nosy and macabre, I had to take a look.  This subject, it transpires, is the World Water Speed Record, which has regularly killed people attempting to beat it.  They list half-a-dozen victims, before and after it was finally claimed by an Australian in 1978.  Art?

Shortly before coming apart in 1989

      The consistent and deadly problem for contenders is their watery missile flipping up and over and somersaulting, which leads to disintegration - these things are travelling at several hundred miles per hour and there is NO margin for error at that velocity.
     
Mind You -
If not being impacted at getting on for the speed of sound or from a height of several hundred feet, water can be a rather forgiving medium.  Still, if a person is determined to garner a Darwin Award, why not ignore a short fall into water for a long drop off the Eiffel Tower onto solid ground?
     Enter Franz Reichelt, who had invented his very own 'parachute-suit'.  Art?

Before

      Did he test it from a short drop?  Yes, with dummies.  Did he test it from a long drop with dummies?  No.  Did he test it in person over a short water drop? No.  Did he test in in person over a long water drop?  No.  No, he decided to test it in person from a height of 187 feet over nice hard compacted earth.
     It did not end well.

Well, that's all a bit grim.  Let us celebrate with more cheerful fare.  Such as - hmmm, let me think a minute - 
     - I know, a lovely flower!  Art?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it seems

     Rafflesia Arnoldii, the world's biggest flower, which smells of - er - rotting meat.  Defying the perfumed stereotype!
*  The good Lord aloft only knows what the scriptwriters were drinking, smoking or snorting when they came up with this.