A Garden Most Grim

You Have Heard Of Blarney Castle
It houses the disgusting Blarney Stone, which countless tens of thousands of tourists have slobbered over for decades; go right ahead and kiss it if you want (after ensuring your inocculations are up to date), your humble scribe will be outside in the far more interesting Garden of Death.  Sorry, allow me - GARDEN OF DEATH!!

A Stone that Blarneys

     For yes!  There is a real garden at the Castle, which boasts an array of flowers and plants that can render one extremely not-alive.  You want proof?  Art?

"Do not taste, smell or eat any plant!"
(Captain Scarlet excepted)

     Far more interesting than any saliva-saturated stone.  They have the really toxic stuff caged off and behind wire fencing, so that idiots cannot try for the Darwin Awards.  Such as - 

Deadly Nightshade
(There is a clue in the name)

     - and Mandrake.  They really, really don't want you getting your hands - or mouth - on Mandrake.  Art?

     Not surprising, as this thing is a positive larder of different toxins that can cause convulsions, hallucinations, a death-like state of somnolence, upset stomach and a dry mouth.  Oh, and death.  Mustn't forget that!
     Apparently the humble herb Rue is also quite deadly if ingested, even causing death by liver failure, as well as causing the skin to blister in sunlight if applied topically as a balm.  Hint: Do Not Use As Balm.  Well now!  I knew it was good when used as a cat repellent.

Repellent cat.  Close enough.

     Now it's time to strip the motley naked and roll it in poison ivy!*

What's THIS?  Conrad Is <gasp!> Exercising?
Only kind of.  More accurately, Conrad is now able to fully quantify his walking activities during the day.  You know; going into the kitchen for another cup of tea, going into the kitchen for lunch, going into the kitchen for more tea, strolling into Royton, going to the bathroom (all that tea) and so on.
     Thanks to this little bit of kit.  Art?

No!  Not the greying yet manly wrist - the wristband

      This is a 'Fitbit' and it counts the number of steps the wearer takes on a daily basis.  This is how I know it is 3,000 steps to the Co-Op and back to the bus stop in Royton.  Why, I have discovered that merely puttering around The Mansion in an idle manner can clock up 500 steps at the very least.

      Do stop me if I start to get boring about this, won't you?  TVM.

A dashboard example.
(NOT mine!)

Choose Yer Trews
You may not be aware, but the Lowland regiments of Perfidious Albion's armed forces used to wear, not the kilt, but trews: "Trubhas" in Gaelic.  These actually had a longer history and tradition than did the kilt.  Here is an example of officers in the Highland Light Infantry, circa 1932.  Art?

Aces of plaid!

     Notice in particular that chap at the rear right.  If he seems familiar then that's because he's the actor David Niven (Second Lieutenant David Niven to you), before he toddled off to Hollywood.  Once the Second Unpleasantness broke out he promptly toddled back - for who can resist tartan trousers?

Further To Nothing So Far -
I note that E.E. Smith, Science graduate and Master of doughnut and pastry mixtures**, puts forward a reasonable thesis that the humble axe would become a weapon of choice when Lensmen and other members of the Galactic patrol get to skirmishing with the bad guys.  Art?

There you go

     Doc asserts that space armour is too heavily shielded to allow either rays or bullets to pierce it, so the GP resorts to a thirty-pound combination of mace, axe, bludgeon and 'picaroon' (whatever that is) for hand-to-hand combat.  Given the descriptions of an enormous GP sergeant killing bad guys by the handful in gory style (really, there's flash-frozen blood and brains everywhere) I doubt the illustrators of the time were allowed to depict this kind of thing realistically.

A picaroon.
(Ouch!)

     Your mind's eye may be allowed to recreate the scene ...***

Whatever Happened To Seth?
You know who I mean: Seth Green.  Musician and werewolf on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"; I suppose his condition means he gets a bye when it comes to killing off the supernatural critters that infest Whereverville.^  He was in "Austin Powers", too.  You don't see him in front of the camera nowadays, do you?

A rather roguish Seth.  Werewolf genes coming out?

     This is not due to some hellish descent into drug abuse, alcoholism, negligible personal hygiene and kicking small animals for fun (Brendan F***** we're looking at you).  Rather, Seth is the driving force behind the animated "Robot Chicken", which eats up most of his time.  To good effect - the show has won multiple Emmys.
     Don't you just love a happy ending?  Make sure to keep clear at  the full moon, though.

See?  Told you.  Brendan and his poor personal hygiene.

Finally - 
This will make sense once you've read the introduction on Facebook (we hope).  Consider those small metal nails used for light domestic work, especially the variety that comes in midnight black.  Art?

     Note the sharp edges, the sheer unyielding metal-ness of them, and how they will blend in if dropped on a dark or mottled surface; all the better for you to walk on them in your BARE FEET!! 
     Which idiot decided this was a winning design?  Which!  I think we should be told.



*  Also on display at Blarney.  Just so you know.
**  Is that sufficiently "Doc" for you, Mister Smith?
***  Or not, if you're a great big wimple (which is like a wimp, except even softer)
^  A tacit admission that I can't remember the town's name.  Nor do I care.