Don't Worry -
That's just a rhetorical question. It wouldn't make sense to ask you that question, after all, would it? I merely wanted to put it out there as an example of a logical fallacy, because whichever way you answer is the wrong answer. I could have used that one about beating your wife, except it seems a little politically incorrect.
"Does this have a point?" I hear you asking. "Because the Coronation Street omnibus is on soon and we need to get the kettle on."
Pausing only to point out that soap operas rot the brain, and to tut in a disapproving manner, yes I do have a point -
- which I'm not going to get to yet*.
Back To Bashing Ben!
Yes, that fruitful film "The Sum Of All Fears" rears it's handsome yet vapid face once again. More plot holes, you see. Once again, no spoilers, because it's 15 years old and I just don't care*.
<short pause as I go to load up the oven>
Now, our hero Ben gets out of a downed chopper, which is another gaping plot hole in the first place. He had the pilot headed towards Baltimore, where the bomb is located. The nuclear bomb. The nuclear bomb that goes off - and which swats the chopper out of the sky.
At this point I wonder about that character Jack Ryan's mental firepower; it is spectacularly unwise to fly into an imminent nuclear blast and Jack ought to know this. Oh well.
Our next gaping plot hole comes when the military Nuclear Emergency Search Team get their isotope samples from the hot zone. You might not be aware of this, but it is entirely possible to identify who has detonated a nuclear weapon from the isotope 'fingerprint'. In this case the NEST staff identify the isotopes as originating in South Canada.
Then they do nothing. That's right, they sit on this rather important fact because - because - because they've had a long tiring day and stopping a Third Unpleasantness isn't really a big priority?
Then it's up to Jack to save the day! Which he flubs immediately. He manages to call Air Force One and somehow forgets to lead with the fact that Baltimore wasn't scragged by the Ruffians; understandable if you've had a long, tiring day and have fallen on your head with only a helicopter to protect you. Or something.
Naturally, the Snivelling Suit that Jack stammers inconsequential drivel to puts the phone down. Jack immediately sets off to remedy this with an incredibly complicated plan that involves racing away, sneaking into the Pentagon with false ID, finding a computer link with the Kremlin and contacting the Ruffians -
- why didn't he just phone the Snivelling Suit a second time?
That's enough whaling on TSOAF for the moment - besides, don't want those curly fries to get burned!
A Clerihew Or Two
Actually three - I did think up a fourth one yesterday whilst taking Edna for a trot, but I didn't write it down - a bit tricky if you're holding a poop bag in one hand and the dog's lead in the other, which may be more information than you really wanted* - and consequently or subsequently it has flown out of my head, like a bird. A rook. Not a homing pigeon or it would have sprung up again as it came back in to land. Not a pelican or an eagle, too large and unwieldy <Mister Hand intervenes to mercifully cut short a horribly extended metaphor>
So!
I believe this is actually rather close to the truth. Oh well. A little more mockery for our next one, then -
This is probably untrue; I can only guess at Ol' Pat's reading habits, though he strikes me as a bit of an intellectual, hence the cavil of "probably".
Is "cubistic" a word? Well it is now!
Oh dear - I haven't even gotten to the bit about making a logical fallacy yet, and we're already at count. Later!
Ahem
* Tee hee!
That's just a rhetorical question. It wouldn't make sense to ask you that question, after all, would it? I merely wanted to put it out there as an example of a logical fallacy, because whichever way you answer is the wrong answer. I could have used that one about beating your wife, except it seems a little politically incorrect.
 |
| One day it will all be mine! |
"Does this have a point?" I hear you asking. "Because the Coronation Street omnibus is on soon and we need to get the kettle on."
Pausing only to point out that soap operas rot the brain, and to tut in a disapproving manner, yes I do have a point -
- which I'm not going to get to yet*.
Back To Bashing Ben!
Yes, that fruitful film "The Sum Of All Fears" rears it's handsome yet vapid face once again. More plot holes, you see. Once again, no spoilers, because it's 15 years old and I just don't care*.
<short pause as I go to load up the oven>
Now, our hero Ben gets out of a downed chopper, which is another gaping plot hole in the first place. He had the pilot headed towards Baltimore, where the bomb is located. The nuclear bomb. The nuclear bomb that goes off - and which swats the chopper out of the sky.
At this point I wonder about that character Jack Ryan's mental firepower; it is spectacularly unwise to fly into an imminent nuclear blast and Jack ought to know this. Oh well.
 |
| Jack Ryan: steely-eyed, sternly-jawed, and stupid |
Then they do nothing. That's right, they sit on this rather important fact because - because - because they've had a long tiring day and stopping a Third Unpleasantness isn't really a big priority?
 |
| NEST - following Jack's intellectual lead |
Then it's up to Jack to save the day! Which he flubs immediately. He manages to call Air Force One and somehow forgets to lead with the fact that Baltimore wasn't scragged by the Ruffians; understandable if you've had a long, tiring day and have fallen on your head with only a helicopter to protect you. Or something.
Naturally, the Snivelling Suit that Jack stammers inconsequential drivel to puts the phone down. Jack immediately sets off to remedy this with an incredibly complicated plan that involves racing away, sneaking into the Pentagon with false ID, finding a computer link with the Kremlin and contacting the Ruffians -
- why didn't he just phone the Snivelling Suit a second time?
| "Hmmm. Good question, Conrad." |
That's enough whaling on TSOAF for the moment - besides, don't want those curly fries to get burned!
A Clerihew Or Two
Actually three - I did think up a fourth one yesterday whilst taking Edna for a trot, but I didn't write it down - a bit tricky if you're holding a poop bag in one hand and the dog's lead in the other, which may be more information than you really wanted* - and consequently or subsequently it has flown out of my head, like a bird. A rook. Not a homing pigeon or it would have sprung up again as it came back in to land. Not a pelican or an eagle, too large and unwieldy <Mister Hand intervenes to mercifully cut short a horribly extended metaphor>
So!
Oliver Reed
Was shy indeed.
He compensated with excessive wenching
And with interior beer-drenching.
 |
| Reedy |
Patrick McGoohan
Revered Marshall McLuhan.
Thus he got his media fix
And learned how to be Number Six.
This is probably untrue; I can only guess at Ol' Pat's reading habits, though he strikes me as a bit of an intellectual, hence the cavil of "probably".
 |
| Prisoners! |
Edward Fox
Likes to box.
Not in the sense of being pugilistic,
But rather in making cardboard cubistic
Is "cubistic" a word? Well it is now!
| Teddy playing Jorrocks |
Oh dear - I haven't even gotten to the bit about making a logical fallacy yet, and we're already at count. Later!
|
| MINE! MINE, I TELL YOU! |
* Tee hee!
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