It's Curtain For Certain

An Old Dog And A New Trick
You should surely know by now that Conrad is a creature of habit.  He has his routines and does not like to vary them, so - what does he do when his luxuriant foliage gets a bit long?  That's right, he ventures to the same hairdressers that he's been patronising for the past 22 years, Peppi's in Chadderton.

Sight of the site

     You can tell this is a recent shot as the concrete fencing at left is new.  Thanks to being gainfully unemployed (more of that later) your humble hack can travel to get his fronds chopped in mid-week, rather than having to give up a Saturday morning.  
     "Is your haircut a reference to curtains?" I hear you querulously quibble. No, we'll get to that in a bit. Art?

Sight of the shorn

     However, there is more to come about the hidebound old codger typing these lines -
     "Oooh!  Oooh!  This is the bit about curtains, isn't it?  I do so -"
     NO!  This is not the bit about curtains.  Later for curtains.  I was about to say that Conrad can, occasionally, break his ties of habit and -
     " 'Ties'?  As in 'curtain ties'?  Is this -"
     NO IT IS NOT!  I am trying to boast a bit here about managing to obtain a telephone interview, and passing it, which is good going as I've only had one telephone interview before, at least five years ago.

As sophisticated as I care for them to get

     So there you have it.  And - later for curtains.

Oh Boy!
Look what I just found on Wikipedia!  "List of Extremely Hazardous Substances" - and there are hundreds of them - hours of entertainment are at hand!  In fact !!!  
     Let's choose one at random and see just how horribly dangerous it is -
     Mercuric Oxide.  Very very poisonous indeed.  Not a lot of uses; used to produce mercury itself, or as a conducting element in mercury batteries.  Art?

Red Mercury

     It reacts explosively with whole host of other compounds, too many to list here and (!) if it comes into contact with sulphur or phosphorus, it will create "shock-sensitive compounds".  So, put it in the wrong kind of tin and drop it, and goodbye floor.
     
Okay, Now The Curtains
Wonder Wifey has now set herself up as an officially Self-Employed person, promoting her wares over on Facebook.  These are the curtains in question.

https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=miss%20gossage%27s%20emporium

     "Oh.  Is that it?" I hear you quote.  Well, there's a little more to it than simply posting a photograph - she has to trawl endless charity shops and car boot sales - thrift shops and car trunk sales for you South Canadians out there - launder them, iron them, carry out any repairs needed, drape them over a chair, drape them from a special display rail and then dazzle the globe on Facebook.  She's got business cards and fliers and labels and everything.

CurtisIan.  Close enough

Acetone Cyanohydrin - blimey, this stuff gives off cyanide if it gets even a little bit wet.  Extremely hazardous indeed!

     Sorry, couldn't resist.  I should also point out for the benefit of UNIT and MI5, who are probably still lurking down the road in their Eavesdropping White Van, that this is all purely in the interest of scientific curiosity.  Honestly.  As was my examination of the poisons used in antiquity.

First Bus
I'm sure you will be delighted to know that my long-standing Frothing Nitric Ire over the ineffable and insufferable First Bus group has not gone away.  I no longer have to use them on a daily basis to travel to and from Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell, yet I can confirm that they are still as staggeringly inept as ever.
     "Who rattled your cage?" I hear you question.
     Nobody - just the sight of three 409's turning up at your stop, all at the same time tends to irk people, Conrad included.  Going to catch the same service home and seeing, once again, three 409's clustered together only increases that irk.

"Here we see the lesser-crested First bus, seeking safety in numbers, hiding from crowds of passengers -"

Finally - 
Can you lay your hands rapidly on your Geiger counter?  Imagine that the Sinisters have detonated a large device in the upper atmosphere during the hours of darkness, and the resultant EMP has destroyed the national grid.
     Thus - no electric lights.  Is your emergency torch - flashlight for you South Canadians out there - ready to hand?  Because only then can you efficiently search for that Geiger counter.
     QUICKLY NOW!  BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

Your best friend, right after Conrad

     BOOJUM! - keeping you on your toes one day at a time.

Right, now it's time for some of that stuff humans call "food"