The British Are Coming!

Unless You Are British And In Britain
In which case you have already arrived, as it were, without having departed in the first place - a neat trick if you can pull it off.  
     I believe that the South Canadians had this down as a catch-phrase in the late 18th century, long before The Beatles ever troubled the airwaves, and it wasn't called out so that people could get tea and biscuits ready.  Paul Revere, folks, Paul Revere.

Hmmm.  Should we punish Art or not?

     Okay, now that I've established my credentials, I shall change track completely and start yarking about Italy and the First Unpleasantness.
     It's not well known that elements of the British army fought in Italy during the First Unpleasantness, along with French divisions.  Nevertheless it's a fact, and the Brits - howlingly ironic considering they were soldiers dedicated to warfare and not football fans - were very well received by the Italians.
     Less so by their opponents.  
     I should say that it takes a long time for the plot to get moving for the British.  They arrive in Italy after years of blood and thunder, topped by the disastrous (for the Italians at least) battle of Caporetto, and then things stop completely for 6 months.
     Here another aside.  Caporetto is universally described as a disaster for the Italians, with about 300,000 losses and the majority of these having surrendered.  It wasn't the walkover you might imagine as the combined German and Austro-Hungarians suffered 70,000 casualties, so some of those Italians were shooting back.
     <squeal of metal on metal as we get back on track>

Punish it is!

     As I said, the Austro-Hungarians were not happy at facing British troops (nor French, either) as they appear to have been exaggerated by rumour into nine-foot monsters with poison fangs and bayonets for fingers.  The Austrian Official Account states that "The appearance of the British caused universal terror".  I would snigger quietly into my hand over this but for fear of slashing myself with those bayonet fingers.

British soldier of the 1st Royal Welch Fusiliers.  No - hang on a minute -

     Right!  Now that's the Intro out of the way, time to roll out the pantechnicon of purulent piffle that is BOOJUM!

Meet The Gang
Given that Conrad is not very reflective, nor given to re-reading the blog - onwards and upwards and all that - and that we still appear to be getting lots of readers - welcome and worrying in equal amounts - I thought it might be time to explain some of our in-jokes.
     I know, I know, it's not funny if you have to explain it.  Well, I can't have you staring at the screen in bafflement either.  SO!
     Conrad:  the creator of what you see before you.  Goes by the name of "Rob" in the real word.  Likes mucking about with words.
     Art: the semi-human idiot responsible for creating and posting the blog's artistic content.  We used to throw him in the coal cellar as a punishment until we discovered that he enjoys coal.
     Mister Hand:  Conrad's treacherous right hand, which occasionally interferes to post the shocking truth, or to shorten over-long rants.
     Steve:  only rarely mentioned, Steve is the personification of Conrad's memory.  Imagine a shattered feeble ninety-year old with poor hygeine and no teeth, and you're  there.

Yesterday's Coincidence
I type this with my head bowed and shoulders slumped.
     No, nothing to do with not winning at Pub Quiz!  I am a bigger man with that*.  
     It's just I did terribly on the Manchester Evening News Cryptic Crossword for Thursday, and yet I ought to have got at least one word from the clue given.
     "Sad boy seen at sea (4,5)"
     I'll fill you in later after you've suffered a bit.

Mam Nuoc
Rosie was able to inform about the following item:

Oops!

     Oh dear, the photo won't load.  That's pretty obviously a Yellow Sun hydrogen bomb as dropped by the Vulcan, not a packet of Vietnamese coffee.  Another Tazering for Art!

     There we are.  She confirmed that this is indeed coffee, as "Ca Phe" is the Vietnamese for coffee.
     She also mentioned about a 5 hour course in Vietnamese cooking that she had undertaken in London, which involved pretty continuous eating during the process.  Although the chef claimed Vietnamese cooking is fresh and healthy, Rosie demurred at the quantity of sugar added to each dish.
     She also mentioned the "3 Crabs" brand of Mam Nuoc, which is fermented fish-head sauce.  It doesn't smell of fish, surprise surprise, because of the length it's fermented for, which amounts to years.  Inferior brands use "1 Crab" or "5 Crabs" and they smell of fish.

     - and the crossword answer was "Blue Peter", which of course had been mentioned on the Friday blog.  Gulp.




*  Actually I'm not, but I can pretend convincingly