"By The Pricking Of My Thumbs -"

Apologies For Quoting The Barb
As you know, Conrad loathes Shakespeare with a mild passion.  A wild passion would involve too much commitment and expenditure of my strictly-rationed time.  Does the rest of the world have to study this hateful hound, as I did at school and college, or is it just us here in the Allotment?

Hooray!

     Anyway, none of the above has anything to do with what I'm about to bang on about next, I only used it to get an image across.  The rest of the quote is "Something wicked this way comes", except I've already arrived, thank you.  This will make sense later.
     Okay, enough guff, let us propel the pantechnicon of whimsy (the blog) into the aether (that's the internet) on a dedicated zephyr (that's Blogger) and shizzle.

Tom's Tonsil Tickling
This takes a bit of development, but stick with it, stick with it.  
     Yesterday Tom - Art?  Picture please.

That self-same Tom

     I asked if I could post a picture and he agreed, so here it is.  Look at that calculating mien, that sneer of cold command, that beetling brow* - I taught him everything he knows - yesterday Tom took issue with the fact printed in the bottle-cap of some peculiar drink he was supping.
     Personally, Conrad can quite sympathise with the lad.  You want your facts as purveyed to you (even by bottle-cap) to be factual, after all, which see Conrad's strident not to say bilious yarking about the Beeb mis-representing a photograph of the First Unpleasantness.  So, what had gotten Tom's Peevish Gland all swollen?
     "You cannot tickle yourself".
     Hmmm.   Well, hair-splitting pedantry like Tom's response might be considered the way to go.  By some.  
     'Perhaps,' ventured your humble scribe, 'They mean you can't actually make yourself laugh.'
     Oh, dear me, Tom had a ready reply to that.
     'If you tickle the roof of your mouth I GUARANTEE that you'll laugh,' I was informed.
     This is rather worrying.  What does Tom get up to in his spare time that he knows this to be a fact?  Don't expect Conrad to perform this feat, as he has too much dignity.

Most of the time

Excitement And Adventure Ahoy!
Worse luck.  Today's travel travails were reduced by 50% as I got a lift into The Electric Goldfish Bowl.  Bus home, though, so we shall yet see what adventures First can add to the day.  After all, every journey has to have an element of chance, doesn't it?  I firmly believe it was the problems of travel on public service vehicles that led Heisenberg to formulate his classic Uncertainty Principle, where the bus is not actually present or absent, existing as merely a potentiality quotient.

The 409 service to Rochdale

Ah Yes, The Mind Of Evil
This is either a serial of that dramatic reconstruction programme "Doctor Who", or how some people think of Conrad.  They may have a point ...
     Your modest artisan does worry about his sense of humour, at times.  Contrary to what some folk would have you believe, Conrad does have a sense of humour; however, it is my sense of humour, not yours, and there is nothing more subjective than a sense of humour.
     So.  "Matinee" the 1993 Joe Dante-helmed film.  At the film's climax, our not-quite-hero Lawrence seeks to empty the theatre in a hurry, by the engineered use of film and special effects.  Briefly, he makes the cinema patrons believe they're under nuclear assault, causing them to collectively shriek, panic and run.  Probably a good few changes of underwear needed, too.

Humour in a hydrogen bomb

     Conrad sat back in his chair and guffawed at this.  Hilarious!  Utterly hilarious.  Who'd have thought an atomic attack could be a source of such amusement?
     Er - yes, well - back to that sense of humour and being subjective.  "Karma Police", that's hilarious, am I right?

Worth checking out.  John Goodman excellent!

      I suppose being set during the Cuban Missile Crisis didn't help people think too rationally.  Heck, Stan Kubrick got away with it, didn't he?

 Finally
I think this screenshot comes under the heading "I've No Idea Why I Screenshotted This But Since I Took The Time You're Going To See It Regardless".  Art?

Yes, it's a submarine and it's yellow

     I don't know if it does any tricks like the old Dinky toy.

Anyway, that's enough words of wit, wisdom and wonderment for tonight, as I've not had any tea - see?  see the sacrifices I make for you lot? - and I've still got the weekly shop to do.  Let's see what mouldering remaindered past-it's-sell-by-date offal I can find to devour!

* Not entirely sure what a beetling brow is but I think it's a compliment.