After all, many of you here do not hail from the hallowed shores of the Allotment of Eden, as evinced by the - frankly worrying - large number of visitors from South Canada.
"Off-Kilter" does not refer to a Scottish Highlander doing a strip-tease, for a couple of very good reasons. One: the climate in the Scottish Highlands is such that were this to be your modus operandi, you would become, in the words of Norman Mailer, Naked and Dead. Two: see Reason One. It's very cold up north of Hadrian's Wall.
| The mean streets of Glasgow |
Hard to credit this little scamp will be 22 soon. Anyway, she has made one of her rare visits to see her aged and decrepit father - that's me, by the way - and hoover up what spare food may be lying around. Not the slimy ham that was date expired on the 2nd November, we don't want to poison the lass. Conrad unsure if it is still in the fridge, or has evolved legs and run away.
Don't forget - Conrad: raised by weasels!
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| "RRRRRRRRRRR!" |
Lion And Tigers And Bears And Kaiju
For your information, "Kaiju" are the giant monsters that infest Japan. The reason everything looks squeaky clean and brand new is that the Kaiju are always destroying whole city blocks, necessitating wholescale re-building.
We mentioned Godzilla earlier this week and even had a photo of him. Sorry if this rather destroyed your willing suspension of disbelief. All is not lost, however, because we can still resort to METAPHOR!
Yes, metaphor, the first resort of lazy and talentless authors. Did you realise that Godzilla is perceived as a metaphor for South Canada? A radio-active city buster; who else could it be?
Then there's Rodan.
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| Art, you idiot! Pronounced the same it's not SPELLED the same - |
| Conrad no like the scary bird |
More Of Conrad Being Grumpy
It doesn't take much for your humble scribe to feel out of sorts with the world. As per the admission above, Conrad needs to really work at it to fit into human society, which he practices at lunchtime. Principally with Anna, who is kind enough to take pity on this modest artisan and manifest a polite interest in whatever peculiar obsession he has this week (traffic cone colours).
All too often along come Russ and Dee and Tom to spread a little anarchy and interrupt the socialising, which - you probably guessed this - annoys Conrad.
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| An awfully annoyed author |
An awful lot.
Sufficient to growl at Russ about him going far, far away, very very quickly.
"Oooh, you're contentious today," observed Russ.
"NO I'M NOT!" snarled your talented typist in reply.
That was a joke. Hilarious, to those of us raised by rabid weasels.
Then it was time to entertain these rampant slackers with Pub Quiz, as I had the questions from last week. The hard part was remembering answers, as four days had elapsed and that party in my head can make recollection a bit hit and miss.
I flatter myself I got them all correct, which you, dear reader, will have to take on trust.
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| Conrad's mental landscape |
Campion's Car
Conrad remembers Peter Davison going on about this car back in the day. The Beeb actually bought it outright for cold hard cash. Imagine that! I can hear you expostulate at your licence payments going on anything as frivolous as a period car.
Actually, as mentioned above, a whole lot of you won't be expostulating or excoriating or any other disapproving verbs with a Latin root, because you're not British. Work with me here and ginger up a bit of picque, eh?
Efzoons! as Bertie Wooster was wont to say. As PD pointed out, this car purchase is wiser than it seems, since said car's value appreciates over time. At the conclusion of "Campion" the Beeb can sell it for a profit, which is win-win all round.
Finally -
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| Aptly named |
"Looks like spilled milk" I hear you jest. That's precisely the point. "Galactos" is Greek for "milk", and where do you think the word "Galaxy" comes from?
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