BOOJUM!: Innocence DEFILED!

No, I Am Not Writing Daily Mail Headlines Or Editorials
Although it would seem to be quite simple: pick a topic, insert a pickle up your nether fundament and begin typing. For extra bile, dip said pickle in chilli sauce.
Moving swiftly on before your mind's eye conjures up something you can never unsee, I am speaking in terms of metaphor and irony, as, frankly, you cannot be familiar with Conrad and ever imagine him being "innocent" after the age of seven.
"What on earth is he going on about now?" I hear you burble. "Did that Kim Chi Noodle Soup feature the notorious deleriant and hallucinogenic mandrake in the ingredients?"
No, it didn't, and I am pleased that my little educational post of yesterday made such an impression. I am referring to Russell and his Recommendations. Let us pick that out a little more emphatically: Russell and his Recommendations.

That's Russ, leading the band - no, hang on a minute -

This came of the Pub Quiz and my retelling of a question about which character in the children's television show "Rainbow" was a bear? This then led to Russ's scurrilous allegation: that there is a clip of Rainbow that was over-dubbed by the voice actors with salacious and unsavoury remarks.
He also mentioned that I ought to check out "Scottish Peppa Pig" and "Chav Pingu", which I did, although not without trepidation. These are - normally - lovable animated characters, yet these clips are where some fiend in human form has overdubbed them, this consisting mainly of swearing.
Art?

The Peppa Pig family

I cannot recommend any of these frightful Youtube clips as they are NSFW, so be it on your own head if you ignore Uncle Conrad and go look.
For your information, a "Chav" is an uncouth and uncultured person with bad manners and low moral fibre, and who avoids the "Daily Mail" because it has too many long words. Whereas Pingu is an imcomprehensible penguin from er - Ulan Bator? who eats fish and plays with a seal.

Pingu re-enacting "The Thing"

Careful with that flamethrower, Pingu, you might have a nasty -

Er - yeah

The Haul
This occurs in two senses of the word; last week's accumulation of comics and the fruit of a visit into Baby Babylon (Oldham) today. Let us see the comics:

You ought to be familiar with Hellboy by now, and I confess I bought these from Forbidden Planet as I simply couldn't find them in Travelling Man. They've adopted that South Canadian supermarket ploy where everything is switched around every so often in order to fool you, the customer, and to allow the staff to laugh up their sleeves at your expression of baffled rage -
Oh yes the comics. Technically these are "Trade Paper Backs" that collect (usually) six separate monthly issues into one volume. Conrad much prefers to collect this way as it ensures there are no INCREDIBLY ANNOYING GAPS in his collections.
"Escape" is about Snake Plissken's adventures directly after Escape From New York, and it's good to see that the writer's have him retain his complete cynicism and amorality*.
"Invincible" is kind of a superhero soap with far too much plot to go into and it's far too long and involved to ever get made into a film. Maybe a Netflix series.

This is just some of 'em

The second, much more important, haul, is the fruits of a visit to Sainsbury's as - shockingly in this the Twenty First Century where we can put a man on Mars** - this is the only place you can get loose leaf Darjeeling tea.

A tower of power

This ought to last a while. Oh, Jasmine and Assam too, before you ask.

Arachnophobia: The Sensible Fear
As you know by now, Conrad is a massive squealing coward when it comes to spiders, which is a tad unfortunate as, living on the border of rolling countryside, the Mansion occasionally encounters these monsters having a constitutional around the lounge. They are large ~~enough to carry off unprotected babies and toddlers~~ and unwelcome.
"Conrad!" I hear you cry, looking at the ceiling to make sure there aren't any hairy horrors dangling downwards as you speak. "Why put yourself through the trauma?"
Because of this: