Apologies to the legions of the disappointed readers who tripped lightly to their computers last night, booted them up and eagerly clicked on Conrad's latest posting, only to discover that - it was merely a collection of links, and Mister Hand mocking your humble scribe. Really, if he weren't attached at my wrist -
Well, we really do have some bangs for you, so this Intro will be mercifully short. In fact, that's it.
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| Strange material. Very apt. |
HMS Terror
Further to last Monday, and BOOJUM!'s rather worrying surge in popularity ("The Terror Of Victory"), a particular thought popped into Conrad's head, in that space where all the vampire chickens and cyborg carrots roost: "HMS Terror - what was it about said vessel? Something to do with being frozen, if I recall correctly above that sinister clucking noise.
And, lo! thanks to the internet, we now know that the above ship was lost in 1848 in a search by the Royal Navy of the polar regions, looking for the fabled North West Passage. The intent was to find a route that went from Atlantic to Pacific, one presumes. Also a presumption is that this searching would cease promptly once the Panama Canal was built.
Back to Terror. She - for all ships are "she"* - and her sister ship HMS Erebus were caught and trapped in pack ice in 1848 and that was the end of them and their crews. Canada at that time was sparsely settled and there was a distinct lack of Air-Sea Rescue helicopters.
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| Putting down a bit of salt and grit isn't going to help much, one feels |
The wrecks were recently rediscovered, which gives the RN a bit of closure. However, they aren't where they ought to be ...
Neither are some Dutch wrecks in the Java Sea.
Something's going on ...
나는 한 마디 할 수 있을까?
Or, naneun han madi hal su iss-eulkka?
Which is Korean for "Can I have a word?"
Don't worry, it'll all make sense when I explain how frightfully clever I am.
The BBC. The Beeb's rationale was once defined as "Nation shall speak unto nation" which was fine in the days of radio, yet it could do with a bit of an update now that we have television and the internet. Not sure where sky-writing stands in this regard.
"What, exactly, does this have to do with the Retail Price Index?" I hear you question.
Leaving aside this worrying mercenary aspect to your character, I will expound.
The BBC World Service is expanding the number of languages it broadcasts in, amongst them Pidgin (yes a real language in Nigeria), Amharic (Ethiopian) and - Korean, which is being broadcast to North Korea.
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| I rest my case. |
Hmmm. Guzliar wonders, and so does your modest artisan. I don't imagine the wretched Nork population are allowed access to radios, because 1) They are fantastically rare and expensive & 2) People might use them to listen to the Beeb. Imagine the sheer anarchic mayhem caused when Pyongyang tunes into "The Archers"!
Now, the Norks might try to jam the Beeb. The Ruffians did this back in the Cold War to block out Radio Free Europe, and it cost them four times as much to jam as it did for RFE to broadcast.
| State-of-the-art for Pyongyang (Also toasts bread) |
Perfidious Albion
That's us, the sly and cunning Brits. Back in the Cold War, the Sinisters used to regularly monitor and eavesdrop on NATO communications. NATO was well aware of this, and British Army radio operators would send out spoof messages along the lines of "Contact! Contact! Imperial Faction Daleks now crossing Luneberg Heath on approach to <crackle crackle> gotcha!" and the like.
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| "We'll mention the Quarks next. Second Doctor. That'll throw em." |
Occasionally they would be more creative and malicious. The Ruffians were terminally horrified by anything legal which included terms like "human rights" or "ethical" or even "thou shalt not invade thy neighbour". Thus they did not like the 1975 Helsinki Declaration on Human Rights.
So, the British Army patiently encoded the whole thing and transmitted it, knowing it would be picked up, decoded and translated. Oh to be a fly on the wall when the Sinister officers responsible for radio interception realised what they'd got.
| Oh dear. I think I annoyed someone. |
Oops!
Dearie me, nearly at count and no bangs yet. Coming in part two. After all that heavy worthy stuff that manages to skirt Politics and Current Affairs with rare skill, onto slightly lighter matters, namely cake. Art?
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| None of mine present |
For Children In Need. Note the impressive hedgehog cake, courtesy of Sophie - no, not that Sophie, this Sophie. The nicest one isn't actually present, being Janice's Quark-cake version of a cheesecake. She got a slice for Dave, and I confess with absolutely no guilt that I stole and ate it. Ha! <snaps Lancashire fingers at Dave>
| Quark |
No, Art! Dammit, where's that Tazer -
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| Quark |
* A point made by author Ian Fleming in one of his classic works**.
** "Chitty-chitty Bang Bang"
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