The Sole Of The Plot

No, I Haven't Mis-spelled It
Conrad means what he writes, and writes what he thinks, and the words do what he wants them to, no messing about.  So, because I respect Edgar Allan Poe, I haven't quite nicked his saying " - and much horror and madness the soul of the plot" because that would make me rather a heel.
     Confused?  Don't be, it's just that we have plenty of horror and madness in today's blog, enough for EVERYONE!  

"Cool!" said John Astin.
(I couldn't find a picture of Poe being all smiley, so John will stand in for him)

     "What madness can you be talking about, Conrad?  For surely you are the very spirit of pure sanity?" I hear you call, and you're very flattering but utterly wrong.
     Megalomania:  that would be the word for it, Conrad's declared intent to become Supreme World Dictator.
     Of course, it's not madness if you actually have the means to take over the world.  You just wait 247 years till my starship invasion fleet gets here!
     Then there'll be changes, oh yes.
     "What will they be, Conrad?" I hear you ask, a nervous quiver evident in your voices.
     Well -

When I Rule The World
The Biebers and Kardashyanz of the world will rapidly become an endangered species, and shortly after that, extinct.
     Then, out of sheer maliciousness*, we'll have a Mass Mourning Event for the late above, and anyone who attends their passing will go straight into the organ banks.
     My Music Police, who will number in the tens of thousands and have infinite powers of inspection, arrest and execution - imagine Judge Dredd in a Mark Kermode role - will patrol the planet permanently.  I have a list of music that I don't like, which is going to be kept secret**, just to keep you on your toes.  If you're caught in possession of this stuff, never mind listening to it in private or <gasp> playing it in the car with the windows rolled down, expect NO MERCY!  
     NONE AT ALL!
     Okay, Mark Kermode in a Judge Dredd role.  Happy now?

                                                    Oh so easily confused

     I will also ban all musicals, all of them, except for "The Blues Brothers" and "The Return of Captain Invincible", though Tom pointed out "This Is Spinal Tap" might also be considered a musical, so I shall have to think further on the matter.  As an interim measure Tom can be my Minister for Musical Massacre.
     Ketchup would also be banned.  Conrad did not enjoy his slightly soggy sell-by-dated sandwiches as much as he ought, because they were slathered with tomato ketchup.  All because some fool many years ago decided that tomato-flavoured sugar was a good idea.  Or, if you prefer, sugar-flavoured tomato, masquerading as a good idea.  It is not!

The future.  The glorious KETCHUP-FREE FUTURE!!

     Also, parsnips and pineapples.  Not just banned, sent the way of Bieber and the Kardayshnaz.  The swede and the egg custard have a lot of explaining to do, as well.
     Banana toffee popcorn, on the other hand, will make a triumphant comeback.

Proof I am not raving.  Much.

"Clown"
We need some horror to balance out the madness, so here we are.  A scary fillum indeed.  About a chap who finds a clown costume, wig, false nose and makeup and decides to dress up in it to entertain his son.  Fond memories of "Parenthood" I suppose.

No, Art, not - oh never mind.

     Given that it was found in a locked trunk, chained to the wall, in the house of a dead man, Conrad suspects that this is not the proprietary chain you really want.
     And Conrad is right, because hapless Ken can't get the costume off.
     How funny!

Well, perhaps not funny ha-ha.

     Er - not really, as it turns him into a child-devouring monster with bad feet.
     Bloody noses, broken arms, decapitations, fractured jaws and strange blood, it's all here.
     Plus - made in Canada!
     ("Coulrophobia" - a morbid fear of clowns)
     Altogether less campy that that other killer clown film, "Killer Klowns From Outer Space", in case you were wondering.

Pub Quiz
Regular partners Phil and Rosie are off babysitting in London, so I'd normally not bother going to the Halfway House.  
     Except Sal, a.k.a. Darling Daughter, is up visiting from the student squalor of her disreputable digs in loathsome Longsight.  Art?

     She is currently practicing for questions about sport and television celebrities - enjoy life while you can Kardassians! - by knitting.  So, we will be wickedly neglecting Edna by all decamping to do Pub Quiz.  Read 'em and weep, Edders.

Well, we've hit count, so it's time to duck and cover.  Tot siens!

*  And to be efficient
** Heh.