It's The Seal Deal!

No!  Not Those Special Forces Chaps -
 - who leap out of aeroplanes or submarines or Humvees, firing guns from the hip whilst wearing designer sunglasses, throwing off one-liners (SEa Air Land = SEAL).
     No, I refer to the real thing, real seals.  Art?

Any caption is superfluous

     Quite why you would want to train seals to become fearless waterborne warriors is another question, especially since the Super Soaker is not notably lethal when deployed against anything not made of spun sugar.  However, these particular seals are Russian, and it's well known that besides being an enigma wrapped up inside a riddle inside a mystery, Russians are bonkers.
     And also rather rock.  If you have sharp eyes then you'll see the upper tab on the browser there highlights the "Battle of Borodino", and we'll come to that in a minute or two.
     First, the Intro over, we can roll out the phaeton of phantasy, after giving it's wheels a thorough greasing and putting "L" plates on it.
     Na Zdravye!

"1812:  Napoleon's Invasion Of Russia" By Paul Britten Austin
We have now reached the gates of Moscow, literally, in this account of the above.  
     Not that things have gone as Napoleon imagined or wished.  O no indeed!
     The Grand Armee has marched at tremendous speed across Lithuania and into Russia in an attempt to trap the Russian army and bring it to battle, a battle it would almost certainly have lost.

My version had half the pages upside-down and back-to-front.
But it was only £1

     Sadly for Ol' Nappy, this has not worked well.  The Russians prove extremely adept at holding off the French with rearguards whilst they burn bridges, empty towns and villages of people and provisions, drive off cattle and remain out of contact.  Thus the French (and allies) have advanced an immense distance, only to suffer near-starvation, whilst losses from disease, malnutrition, straggling and Cossack marauders total nearly 1/3 of the army.  Speed at the sacrifice of logistics; and a spectacularly unwise approach from a man who observed (very accurately) that an army marches on it's stomach.
     The second pitched battle that the Russians fight is that of Borodino, an appalling attritional bloodbath that inflicts First Day Of The Somme levels of casualties on the Grand Armee; and it's as indecisive as FDOTS, too, since the Russian army slips away again.
     It's now mid-September and autumn in Russia, which is a rather short season, prefatory to - Winter.
     A lot of this would sound horribly familiar to the officers of the Wehrmacht in late 1941 ...

"Mud?  Ice?  SNOW?  Why did nobody tell me about this before!"

Dull Domestic Fare
I believe that this is known as "bathos" in literary criticism, moving from the splendid and awesome to the petty and everyday.  Well tough, I took the photos, I did the dishes, you can share my pain!
     This came from a Tweet I posted, being terribly clever don't you know, about washing the dishes, for there were quite a few stacked up.  Art? Evidence!

Er - it looks worse than it is.

     Now, you have to practically order Degsy not to jump in and do stuff like this, as he practically exists to show your humble scribe up as the idle dilettante that he so clearly is.  So I Tweeted that I was going to wash dishes, and I made this EXTRA SPECIALLY HILARIOUS by including a reference to playing "The Correct Use Of Soap" by the band Magazine.
     Which I did.  Art!

Proof for you skeptics

     Like I said, EXTRA - ah, what the heck.

Just So I Can Make A Rhyme Later On -
This is a rare example of Conrad thinking ahead.  Normally his horizon is limited to "where's the next pint coming from?" or "Is it bedtime yet?" and those are two of his more profound thoughts, believe me.
     So, without further ado, can we have Gates McFadden?

Says it all -

     Playing Beverly Crusher.  Surely the most off-putting name for a doctor ever.  Although I was once treated by a Doctor Moriarty ...

Fiat Lux!
Which is Latin for "The Lights Work And The House Is Not Destroyed In An Electrical Mishap!".  Concise language, Latin.  Art, can we have the evidence again?

     If you look carefully over in the upper left, you'll see that Conrad did, indeed, use the soap correctly.