Conrad is off to the pub quiz at 9:00 if not slightly earlier as the Halfway House has it's quiz mojo back, if not the quizmaster, and reportedly no sandwiches either. In between getting home he's also made tomorrow's lunch and sorted out caramel custard for yesterday's banoffee cupcakes and is now clattering away on the keyboard counting each clock tick. The tock, you might say, is clicking.
| A metaphor for Conrad's mind |
"Avatar" - A Plot Hole
This film, which Conrad likes to call "Pocahontas In Space*", does have a bit of a plot hole at the end, unless another Bare In The Big Blue House is going to follow on as a sequel. If you haven't yet seen this tatterdemalion potboiler, then I am going to spoil the end for you - the evil Earth garrison and miners are expelled from - from - Pandora! that's it, Pandora, with a few noble-hearted souls choosing to stay behind.
Okay, Noble Stay-Behinders. The next starship that comes out from Earth isn't going to be carrying a couple of hundred soldiers and a ton of mining equipment. No. It'll be carrying a couple of dozen gigaton-yield FFF** missiles which it will launch at the planet, destroying all life for good. Wait a bit till the background count dies down, send in people in suits, Unobtanium mined with no problems.
As a sequel it would probably be pretty short.
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| 1.28 seconds, actually |
If you had any kind of childhood at all, then you cannot have failed to encounter "The Wacky Races", which featured an oddball assortment of racers in all manner of strange cars. Chief cad of the cars was Dick Dastardly with his despicable dog sidekick, Muttley.
What you may not know is that Dick apparently served long, long before the Races, in the American Expeditionary Force air arm, as commander of "Vulture Squadron", adventures encapsulated in the cartoon series "Catch The Pigeon". I'd like to know how he manages to look exactly the same in 1918 and 1968. Good genes? Makeup? Bathing in the blood of virgins?
| "All three, Conrad! Hee hee!" |
Now, were Conrad to be in command of Vulture Squadron, he'd have a pre-planned airburst shrapnel barrage*** laid across the pigeon's path. Let's see him dodge thousands of steel-and-antimony shrapnel bullets!
Of course as a cartoon it would be even shorter than "Avatar Part 2". And probably not suitable for children, either: "Mummy mummy - they killed the pigeon!"
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| He served his country - along with a bit of potato and gravy |
"The Book of Life"
Conrad has seen this on bus posters passing by and judged the film by the posters. Sticking to long-established BOOJUM! tradition, I refuse to look at IMDB to find out exactly what it's about and will interpret it myself.
It's a cartoon. Ergo for kids. Not a comedy, either, because whilst the right and left sides of the poster are bright and jolly, the centre is a lot more subdued and darker. So, a cartoon drama for kids. Let me guess - the lead villain will be voiced by a British character actor. There will be <shudders> songs. And merchandise to go with it.
Bah! I hate it already!
Dog Meet Bear
As you know, Conrad likes to exploit the cute and cuddly to lure passers-by into BOOJUM!, whereby his electromechanical wizardry will forever after cause their browsers to mysteriously return to the site -^
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| "Follow BOOJUM! - or the bear loses a leg!" |
* Because it is.
*** Fission-Fusion-Fission. Essentially very naughty nukes.
*** Perfectly feasible in 1918
^ I can dream, can't I?
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