Here it is:
| It took him all weekend |
Hang on - you weren't thinking this would be about the other -
As You Surely Know By Now
Gentle reader, Conrad breakfasts at work by dunking bread - preferably stale not fresh, as fresh goes too soggy and falls apart in the cup - into a cup of Marmite made up as a hot drink. He has to be rather surreptitious about it, as this is bordering on eating hot food at one's workstation, which is frowned upon by The Powers That Be.
Anyway, real branded Marmite, or the generic substitute that retails at Asda, both, suffer from "string" - that is, when you lift the spoonful of extract out of the jar, it inevitably leaves a long thin trail of extract behind. This then dangles over the jar's threads and has all the effects of superglue.
Morrison's yeast extract, which they have only just started retailing again,
 |
| Yeast extract: loved or hated. No middle ground possible |
Just one of those little things that help the day to pass a fraction more smoothly.
"Aplomb"
I have used this word to describe situations or experiences without knowing exactly how to pronounce or where it comes from. It means, of course, to handle circumstances with poise, dignity and confidence.
And it's origin? French (Hooray! Not Latin!) from the phrase "A plomb", taken from a plumbline, which is seen as proverbially dependable and consistent
 |
| A Plum. Close enough |
"Lambast"
Another word I have used, without being aware of it's origins. I can hear you now, "Tell us, Conrad! Tell us where it comes from! We are eager to know!"
Steady now. Calm down and I'll tell you. It means to aggressively attack a person or institution.
Okay, the "Lam" part is thought to come from the Norwegian "Lamme", which means to "paralyse"*. The "bast" derives from the English word "baste", that is to keep meat soft by pouring it's own juices over it. So you are beating someone to a jelly in a pool of (metaphorical) blood.
 |
| What an hideous image that was - have a fluffy bunny instead.^^^ |
Ah, yes, it did seem to take a long time to get home. I started reading my paperback book on page 78*** and had gotten to the end, page 178, before reaching the Mansion. Why, the journey took two hours!
There, don't you think Conrad handled that with aplomb? But I shall certainly lambast Firstbus for dawdling so effetely.
| One of those times you wish you drove a Challenger tank ... |
"Filboid Studge"
Proof, were it needed, that Conrad's mind needs to be kept occupied or it will come up with the most fearful twaddle - what's that? "Filboid Studge" is a real thing?
Kind of real. It's actually the title of a short story by Saki, about a disgusting breakfast cereal that's a drug on the market^. Herein the link:
http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/FilStu.shtml
Why one earth it should pop into your humble scribe's head at 8:15 a.m. on a Tuesday - well, that will forever remain a mystery.
I wonder if you can dip it in Marmite?
 |
| Filboid Studge: pure, unadulterated cardboard |
Given that Morgan Fairchild gets the thumbs-up from Phil Plait, the Bad Astronomer, for being a science nerd, I think she merits this title.
I come up with the palindrome - er - again, whilst walking down Miller Street. Having created it I needed someone to assign it to, in order to modestly show how clever I am.
 |
| Morgan Freeman. Easily confused |
Toxic To Voles!
Yes, I have managed a second verse for that seminal punk band The Skreeming Voles^^, from their 1979 debut "High Voleocity".
Toxic to voles! Toxic to Voles!
We're getting hand-grenades
To throw down badger holes.
Toxic to voles! Toxic to voles!
Since "voles" is easy to rhyme with, expect more from Chipping Sodbury's best.
| A vole, screaming. |
Not sure if this is cute, animal abuse or a graphic artist with entirely toooo much time on their hands, but here you go:
 |
| Tigerphant |
* Thus the Lammergeyer. Dangerous but stupid, and probably dead drunk, the paralytic swine**.
** Yes, yes, I know, I know, a mixed metaphor. Whose blog is it?
*** I will clarify: I recommenced reading at page 78, having already read up to there. Conrad doesn't merely pick a page at random and dive in.
^ Rinse out your evil mind! Not that kind of drug - the drag kind of drug.
^^ If Robert Rankin can obsess about sprouts, I can obsess about voles. Why are they Skreeming? Because the water in the pan is so hot ...
^^^ Of course, it is a cannibal bunny ...
No comments:
Post a Comment