Conrad's Night On The Tile

Singular - Not Out Late, You See
Not that Conrad is past it, quite, it's just that if he missed the 182 bus then it's a loooong journey on the 83 and then a taxi back to Royton.  As it was I had a nice refreshing walk from the village crossroads back home.

Royton crossroads.  They only took the gibbet down last year.

     Plus I deemed it wise to avoid all but a single pint of beer - I got up early yesterday morning, even the larks were asleep nor had the snails yet ascended their thorns* - and as a consequence was yawning widely by mid-afternoon, to the not-very-hidden amusement of Anna, who doubted if her ancient colleague would manage to stay awake for the gig.  This isn't really the problem, since music venues tend to play LOUD music that helps keep the audience awake.  No, it's the bus ride home, and Conrad is liable to drop off on a normal evening ride after work, never mind one where he's drunk his age in pints.

Guaranteed to make you wake up in Rochdale BusStation at 1:37 a.m.

But!  What Light From Yonder Window Shines!
<Mister Hand would like to apologise for Conrad's mangling of inappropriate Shakespeare>
     It was an allusion, Mister Hand, an analogy. Not so literal.
     Anyway - doors opened at the S & G** at 7:30 and I finished work at 5:00, so there was time and to spare.  After ingesting some CPF at Burgerking*** I hied me hence to the Printworks and - see below -

The Adverts
These were all big-screen, elaborate and probably very expensive.  Even the ones for Argos and Currys were very detailed.  There was a silly but cinematic one for a paint company - see, I don't even remember the name!  about a world in black and white but the people acquire colour paints and rebel, etcetera.  "There's liberty in those paint pots, boys!^"  And another for Heineken went on for so long I kept forgetting what it was advertising.
     I suppose it's logical to put great big costly adverts on before the film as you have a captive audience, although Conrad tends to zone out with his i-pod and ignore them.

The Trailers
Well well, what's this?  "Whiplash", which trailer appeared to consist entirely of drums and blood.  Conrad Interest Quotient = 0%.
"Interstellar", a new trailer with film of the spaceship after it leaves Earth. Conrad Interest Quotient = 100%

Correction: 110%

"The Imitation Game"; about the boffins at Bletchley Park breaking the Enigma code.  Story done to death, but it does have Benedict Cumberbatch in it as Alan Turing, though they look not at all similar.  I will keep an eye on the reviews.  Conrad Interest Quotient = 50%
"Nightcrawler"; No!  Not about that Marvel whatsit played by Alan Cummings.  This stars Jake Gylenhaal as a freelance newshound on the US West Coast, seeking to get dramatic footage at all costs, even to the extent to being at the crime scene whilst the crime is still in progress.  And was that Bill Paxton with the great line "If it bleeds, it leads."?

Nightcrawler.  Close enough

The Main Feature: "Fury"
I'm sure there will be other, more detailed critical assessments of "Fury" than your humble scribe's, so I will focus on feel rather than cinematic detail.
     The tanks in it look utterly convincing, inside and out.  The actors reflect what happened to them in their boot camp, and Conrad recalls one instructor gleefully recounting:"It won't make them into soldiers, but it will make them cold, wet, dirty, hungry and tired."  There is a telling moment when Brad Pitt takes a woman's hand and you see how dirty his is, with mud under his fingernails.  This is war as grimy, unglamourous and muddy, and it possibly pitches the "War is Hell" approach a bit too strongly.
     There is a feel of 2014 about the script, I have to say, and at one point the editing seems to have gone astray - it's dusk then suddenly full night.
     However, if you like TANKS and EXPLOSIONS then this is truly a film for you.

Shot almost entirely in Olive Drab

On with the motley!  Quickly, thought Conrad, as the credits for Fury began to roll.  I have to be at the Star and Garter ...

The Venue
I have seen this pub in the distance when travelling to and from Picadilly Station's rear entrance, but knew nothing about it.
     The interior might well be described as "shabby chic", well-worn if not actually run-down. Thanks to low light levels the audience can't see a whole lot, anyway.

The Victorian exterior

The Student Union interior

The Entertainers
House Of John Player
Missed them - still watching "Fury" when they were on.  Sorry Housers.

Hilary and the Hate Crimes
     A punkish trio, the word "raucous" is here in my notebook.  A lady drummer too, you don't see many of those.  Rather too thrashy and basic for Conrad's tastes, but their song I shall dub "Shaking All Over" was probably the outstanding song of their set.

The Crimes, and a partial view of the venue

Dream Themes
The band I came to see.  I did boast to myself that I was the oldest person there, until an older couple walked in - more of them anon.  Dream Themes are a foursome: drums, bass, guitar, keyboards, and their repertoire is entirely television themes.  They lack any sense of pretension or preciousness and can be summed up in two words: tremendous FUN!

     Here is the set list:  Dallas; Superstars (70's sporting competition prog); Mastermind; Quantum Leap; then came the cue "Knock Knock" - audience response "Who's there?" - Doctor Who (the 2005 versio); Grandstand - the crowd loved this, there were people dancing away at the front.
     Then, horrors! one of the pitfalls of live music, the guitarist broke his string.  Whilst he was putting another one on, the keyboard player diverted the audience with the "Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em" theme, hilariously underplayed.

Yes, men brave enough to wear pyjamas

     String re-strung, back to "BBC Athletics"; The Name Of The Game; The Bill; Countdown.
     We were then treated to "Shorts" - Panorama; Roobarb and Kustard; The South Bank Show and News At Ten, where we were invited to shout out the name of the theme. 

 

They change out of pyjamas

     Then - The A Team; Grange Hill; Blockbusters; Match of the Day; Black Beauty, to which their prop was demonstrated, imported from Hong Kong, a plastic horse's head - in brown; Ski Sunday; Terry and June (dedicated to the bass player's mum and dad); Bergerac and finally Crimewatch.
     Hilarious entertainment.  I shall surely go seem them if they turn up in Manchester again.

Bloke on right had somethng to do with arranging the gig

Galaxians
The headliners, but not in Conrad's head.  They were only just beginning to set up at 11:05, so I left and we will never know how good (or bad) they were.



Hit With The Coincidence Hammer, Yet (sigh) Again
Scribbling in a notebook at a gig gets attention.  I discovered this when that older man I mentioned earlier tapped me on the shoulder, showed me a press business card and asked if I was in the trade?
     I hastened to explain it was only notes for my blog.
     'My son's in the band,' he explained - the bass player.  He admitted he thought the band were tremendous, but that he was probably biased, and that they had done very well at festivals up and down the country, most recently in Glasgow, and that the Star & Garter was a comparatively small gig for them.
     'Do they all have day jobs?' I asked, to an affirmative.  
     'I think they should do film themes,' he added, 'Things like the Dambuster's March -'
     'Oh YES!' agreed Conrad.
     'But there is the issue of copyright.'
     Absolutely, and something that hadn't even formed the vaguest recollection in Conrad's (admittedly disorderly) mind.  Damn!  Copyright, I kill you deadly^^.

THIS TO MUSIC!

* An image purloined from PG Wodehouse and Jeeves.
** Carbohydrates, Proteins and Fats
*** Burger KING.  From America.  A Republic.  Who fought a war to get rid of the King ...
^ Annie Lennox's line in "Revolution", almost.
^^ Gully Foyle's line in "The Stars My Destination", almost.