Life, Death, Taxes And RDX

I Believe It Was Benjamin Franklin
     -who perceptively observed that the only two constants in life are death and taxes (the RDX of the title can be safely filed under "Death" - more on this later).
     Road tax.  In order to get a new tax disk, Conrad had to get the mobile murderwagen certified as MOT compliant, which it certainly wasn't.  Oh no.  Last year's MOT inspection cost £1.20 for a new rear-number plate light bulb.  This year's MOT inspection also cost £1.20 for a new bulb - and another £298.80 for the other stuff.
     Based on this ratio of increase, Conrad can confidently predict that next year's tax disk will only be acquired after spending £75,000 on the car.

 -  and for 2016

Murder!
     "Hangman's Holiday" - more well-aged entertainment from Dorothy L. Sayers, one of whose characters spouts on about "sulphate of Thanatol" as an essential compound in a chemical cocktail.  Which will cause you to die if you have a hot bath.
     A completely fictitious substance, and do you know why?  Look at the root of the word: "Thanata-"  Conrad has been around a bit and seen a few things, and he knows that there is a Greek deity (or should it be diety*?) called "Thanatos", who is the god of death.  Non-violent death, I grant you, but death nonetheless.

Caber toss, Thanatos, easily confused

Murderers!
     In that same story several famous murderers are mentioned, none of whom were familiar to Conrad, probably because they were all pretty old.  For instance -
     Gesche Gottfried
     Who poisoned whole swathes of her family and relatives with "Mouse Butter".  Not as
harmless as it seems - it consisted of arsenic flakes in animal fat, and she fed her victims batches of the stuff, until one relative, either more suspicious or paranoid than the rest, noticed the arsenic and she was turned in to the police.
     End result; decapitation <insert tasteless joke here>
     Herbert Armstrong
     A comparative lightweight, Herb only managed to kill his wife and make a professional rival violently sick.  The professional rival's father, the town chemist, certified that Herb had bought lots and lots of arsenic from him.  His wife's corpse turned out to have lots and lots of arsenic in it; not only that, the arsenic helped preserve the corpse for samples to be taken from.
     Kind of shot yourself in the foot, there, didn't you, Herb.
     End result: Neck-stretchy time
     William Palmer
     Palmer was a doctor and a serial poisoner.  You'd better get out of his way if he sets eyes on you!  He started off as he meant to go on: badly.  He was caught stealing and sacked.  Then he was caught running an illegal abortion clinic and sacked.
     Then he qualified as a doctor. Obviously medical standards for doctors in Victorian England were a little more elastic than today.  He also drank to excess and gambled excessively - establishing a tradition for medical students everywhere - but only really found his true vocation in 1842, which was killing people with poison.
     The total he murdered is a bit hazy but start at ten and go upwards.
     End result:  A bit of a fall, luckily arrested by the rope someone had thoughtfully put round his neck.

"There's been a murder ..." intoned Inspector Morse, putting on his - no, wait, that's not right ...

Conceal, Create, Confuse
     No! not the process whereby BOOJUM gets put together.  The title of a book, I'll have you know.  Why so important?  because it explains what a "Quaker Cannon" is.
     A Quaker Cannon is a decoy gun, crudely made but sufficient to deceive the enemy at a distance.

Quacker Cannon.  Close enough

     "So what?" I can hear you saying.  Also "Damn that Jeyes Household Cleaning Fluid is pretty strong stuff".
     No, no, you see, there was a short story by Cyril Kornbluth I read ages ago, titled "Quaker Cannon" and it assumed the reader knew what the title meant.
     Conrad does now!  Happy Conrad!

I Speak No Greek
     Cannot read it, either, so I was glad to see the return of the redoubtable Anna Pavlou** to the workplace, since she can read Greek.
     Why was this necessary? O I thought you'd never ask!  Because Ms Sayers had Lord Peter Wimsey declaim in Greek, and didn't bother to translate it.
     Anna struggled with it, too - she got the sense of the thing but it is apparently Classical Greek rather than the form spoken by Hellenes today.  Still, ever resourceful, she took a screenshot and will have it translated by her sister who does speak Classical Greek.
     Captain Corelli's Mandolin
     A wonderful novel, Conrad thoroughly enjoyed it, especially since it blew up a few stereotypes about snivelling cavilling Italian soldiers.  Anyway, Berniere's novel has English officers turning up to help the Greek resistance, speaking Classical Greek and thus barely able to make themselves understood by the locals; their language sounds as if taken from Shakespeare.

A Mandolin.  

     The Guns Of Navarone
     A wonderful novel, Conrad thoroughly enjoyed it, especially since it blew up things.  Anyway, early on in the book our gallant British, Kiwi and Greek commando team encounter a German patrol boat, and one of the British officers replies to the German captain in - Classical Greek.
     O noes!
     Will they be given away?
     Tune in next week - SPOILER AHOY!




     No, they don't get given away because the German captain has been taught Classical Greek as well and he doesn't notice a thing.

"Talk, Englischer Schweinhund, talk! Or it will go very badly - ooh, I say, Ernst, you must tell me who your barber is."

RDX

This stands for "Research Department Explosive".  Yes, dear reader, Conrad is once again looking at Dangerous Chemicals!

     The usage of "RDX" as a title is certainly more convenient than it's formal name, which is Cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine.  Bit of a mouthful, no?  It is one of the most powerful explosives, but is also highly stable, which in explosives is just what you want.  It can be readily mixed with other explosives or mediators, creating a whole family of things that go BANG - but which only go BANG when you want them to go BANG.

It's in Greece and being blown up with RDX.  Now do you see the theme here?

     Why is this important?  Because unstable explosives are - how can I put this - EXTREMELY BLOODY DANGEROUS!  Ah, yes, that's how to put it.  Take nitro-glycerine.  Nitro-glycerine is one of the most powerful explosives, but it has the temperament of a psychotic supermodel on a diet of tequila slammers after being locked up in a dog-hutch with a porcupine for company.  None of that rancour for RDX.  You can pound a block of RDX with a hammer and it will laugh at you (not literally), you can even set fire to it if the feeling takes you - certainly you can borrow my matches, no need to return them, that's me over in Derbyshire.  Anecdotally you can even shoot it, although Conrad at this point thinks you are pushing Fate to the edge of the step.

*  Do you see what I did there?  Death?  "Die" Dei - O you do.

**  There is still time to avoid the awful consequences of not sponsoring Anna and her sister.  Go to Justgiving and look for Dogs Trust, or, trust me, there'll be trouble.